I still wonder how other people think about or experience or have experienced love, intimacy and sex. And no, not the unconditional God type love, but the love between two people, the falling in love, the one related to sexual attraction. As to me the love, intimacy and sex I experienced over my life has been merely a curse, as like all humans I need both. But it seems I was never to really experience it in the way I think it could be, should be, the way I still believe exists.
And yes, I kind of blocked myself of experiencing it. As next to this love and sex thing I also believe in a lifetime relationship. And in sex with your partner only. But this combination has put me, and I guess others who believe in the same things like I do or are built the same way as I, in very difficult positions. As it makes you 100% dependent on one person for, what I read are, very basic human needs. And the weird thing is that at least with my current partner I thought he believed in the same things. And I still believe he believes in the same things. But somehow he does not want to have sex with me. And somehow he is not able to make me feel loved, caress me in the way I need. So we both suffer, as both our needs are not satisfied, are not met.
So what’s going on here? How can two people who were so much in love and were compatible enough fall so deep? And both suffer so much?
I wish I had the answer, but unfortunately I don’t have it yet. And yes, they say you can only change yourself, so that’s what I am trying to do. And I guess I did, a bit, as far as you can change yourself. And they say to just let go. But isn’t that the easy way?
There must be a way. And I still intend to find it. But I could use some help maybe.