Step 1

“We admitted we were powerless over XXX – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

I just kind of realized what Step 1 is really about. As I think until now I never really realized that it is really about powerlessness, that it is really about something that is out of my control, no matter how I believe I ‘should’ be able to control it, control myself. But I just can’t, and wow, that is so hard to admit, so hard to deal with. As I ‘should’ be able to control my emotions, just reason out that I can just work and do the things I need to do. But I just couldn’t, at least not this morning.

And strange, I allowed myself a drink, just before starting writing here. And no, I don’t consider myself an alcoholic, so drinking or not drinking is not really a problem for me. At least that is what I believe and I guess that is enough. Even though I want to apologize here now, as I am using that drink to calm my nerves a bit. So that is supposed to be wrong?

Reference original Step 1 material from AA: AA Step 1.