Step 4

“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

I wanted to do a Step 4, but I didn’t know how, didn’t know what. Then I started searching about Step 4 and ended up in a page about the Steps or Step 4.

And then I somehow started writing. And it came to me that I might want to turn Step 4 around, not starting with all the wrongs I have done, but starting with that maybe I am not a that bad person, not as bad as I think or as I feel.

So this is what I wrote:

Step 4 turned around

Step 4 for me may be something that I am way, way, way too hard on myself. I am not honest with that. I keep on being very hard on myself. I just keep being the martyr, the victim, so I don’t own my part, not the good and not the bad.

I am not a thát bad person, so maybe this is the way to go from, write something good about myself.

Like it is not thát bad that I gave XXX money for medicines and stuff. Or took responsibility buying dog food and daily needs when it had all ran out. Maybe the way I did it was not the right way, but it may not have been a that bad thing to do.

And at first I thought it was not enough, as in my mind a Step 4 involves a lot of writing and admitting and all kinds of things. But after writing this it was just enough, at least for now. And I still feel like ‘not enough’, like I need to add a lot more, do a lot of work more, before it is ‘enough’, but I know that is not true. So yes, another wrong ‘turned around’: “it is never enough”.

It is just enough. I’ve done enough, I’ve done enough. It is enough.