I have neglected my written down planning a bit and some other things, and even though I have been doing quite well planning in a similar way, and doing the things I planned, in my head, I get more and more the feeling that it is time to go back to the written down stuff. And I am a bit torn between my old chaotic self and the self that wants to do things a bit more organized, more disciplined. As in the end I need to feel free, I still am a very impulsive person, something I didn’t realize before. And yes, I am a idea person, not a manager, not an accountant, not an inspirational person for groups, at least that is what I am realizing more and more, who I am, what type of person I am. And I also see more and more why things didn’t work, as I wanted to be a manager, a CEO, a leader in an organizational way. But I guess that doesn’t fit my character, doesn’t fit the way I am built, even though I think I can be a CEO, a leader, someone who gives direction. And that is where I made the mistake, because I thought leadership and management were the same thing. But they are not, they may be even incompatible.
But to be successful, to be a leader, I do need to tame my impulsive side, my creative side, to make sure people can follow me, understand me, know the way I have in mind (for them). So I need to find the balance between the creative me, the impulsive me, the independent me, the crazy me, and the me that wants to be successful, the me that wants to really achieve the things being created in my mind, realize the ideas that came up and are continuously coming up. As that is what I seem to be a generator of ideas, indeed, what they call a visionary. So yes, my partner was right: know yourself first. But I was embarrassed with who I am, with all those crazy ideas nobody seemed to understand, nobody wanted to follow. As I also thought that everybody was the same, had the same feelings, the same way of thinking, the same way of generating ideas. But I was wrong, indeed, everybody is different. So everybody needs to find the place where he or she fits best, where his or she can use his or her talents best.
So know thyself, as the Oracle in The Matrix already told to Neo. As that seems to be the key to be, to become who you are supposed to be.