Strange, how I feel guilty again, guilty that I couldn’t support my partner with his party as he wants or needs to be supported. Guilty that I can’t support him right now, after the party is over. Guilty that I have been talking to people about how the party was funded, that I think the budget is way, way above what we can afford. And yes, guilty that I ‘always talk (or think) about money’.
But thinking about balance, balance between give and receive I still have the idea something is wrong, something is out of balance. As I tried not to complain about the things I was not happy about. But it did take energy. And yes, I enjoyed the party, enjoyed talking to all people who were here and the people who joined the trip yesterday to Iligan. And yes, I enjoyed the trip yesterday.
But looking back, what did I actually receive. And maybe a related question, what did I actually give?
And I want so much to support my partner, be everything he wants me to be, give him everything he wants and needs. But I still don’t know how, as some of the things I just don’t have, just don’t know how to give him. And how can you give what you don’t have?