I’m starting to realize more and more what’s going on with me. This morning I read the quotes In the thirty day Law of Attraction workbook for day ten and I realize that I’m still trying to force things. I guess that’s kind of my character, but until now it didn’t bring me real success. So how to do better, what to do? Or not do?
And what struck me most was the sentence “Someone who is really discouraged does not have access to wellbeing”. And that’s what’s going on with me. And apparently that was also the case when I read it the first tme as I underlined the word discouraged.
And the same pages says something that you can’t go from deeply down to sky-high up. That is kind of always in my mind, but sometimes I forget and am just annoyed as i just want to feel good. And of course the being annoyed often makes it worse.
So I am really discouraged, and I mean really. And not just now, but for a long, long time. And it affects me a lot, it affects my life a lot, it affects the people around me a lot.
And i know a bit where it comes from. It comes from all the actions I did, all the ‘doing’ I did that didn’t work out, that didn’t work out as I expected or was supposed to be expected. I think it started somewhere when my parents gave me the idea that I just did well at school, finished my study, all would be OK, all would be well in life. And it wasn’t, it didn’t. And also rationally it didn’t make sense when it happened, and it still kind of does not, especially related to career and finance, but also related to relationship, the two most important things in my life.
So I had this Masters degree in Mechanical Engineering and my expectation was, based on what my parents had told me, taught me, that the world would be waiting for me, that I would just get a job and live happily ever after. And it didn’t. Because times were not that good related to finding a job and what I wanted, looking back, would not be easy to find, business wise. And looking back my character, my personality also didn’t really help finding a job, making an employer happy.
And I was gay. And the same thing. The thing put in my mind was to ‘just’ meet my lover, my partner, my life partner and live happily ever after. But especially being gay it’s not easy to find a partner, especially when you’re young, like twelve to twenty or so. At least at that time, but I’m quite sure it’s kind of still the same now. So I didn’t find a partner, not for a long time, until the moment I gave up on finding one.
So I found one, a partner, a life partner. And we fell in love and we were going to be partners for a life time. But we didn’t, it didn’t happen, no matter how much we both wanted it, no matter how badly we both tried.
And yes, I did find a job. And an inspiring boss, an inspiring manager, who saw something in me. But after a while also something there went wrong, very wrong, badly wrong.
And looking back, while writing now, it’s all so logical. And most things were not really my doing or wrongdoing. They were just things that happened, mainly to other people, the other people who had given me the chance, the hope and yes, the ideas.
So yes, that’s the reason for this site. And I have so much to tell, so much to share.
But it’s not easy if you’re completely discouraged, if business wise you’re completely down. If you’re completely down financially, if your relationship still could use some more spirit. If you just feel pulled down by all those practical things. And if you just started a site about inspiration and success. And feel responsible for being inspiring. And want to be successful to show that to other people, to inspire other people by being successful.
But sometimes, like now, I can’t go from deep down to high up.
But still, it’s the reason this site is here, it’s the reason why I found people who are helping me now to make this happen. But it’s not always easy being the leader.
But yes, it’s the reason why the site is here, why the team is here, why the project is here. So indeed, Napoleon Hill is right that
“Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the Seed of an equivalent or a greater Benefit”.
But I need so much something going really right. Something like knowing that some of my efforts, yes, among other things based on the Principles of Success, would pay off as I would like to, as I expected, as I really want and need.
But from the ideas of Abraham Hicks I also know that the only action that pays off is inspired action. But where to find inspiration when you’re deep down?
Well, again, that’s what this site is all about, so what inspires me, what inspires you, not only high up but also deep down?