Success in relationship

What is success in relationship

Well, I guess that may be a bit different for you than for me, but I guess there are some similarities in what I think the perfect relationship means:

  • love each other with all your heart;
  • make love together;
  • fulfilling each others sexual needs;
  • have great sex together;
  • do many things together;
  • build a life together;
  • build a home together;
  • maybe have kids together;
  • take care of each other;
  • grow old together;
  • take care of each other;
  • pull the other one up when he is down;
  • the other one will pull you up when you are down;
  • travel together;
  • etc.

Yeah, while writing this it must sound familiar to you. Ah, and I forgot the most important one: he or she should be the prince or the princess on the white horse.

Traits for a successful relationship

In the study of Blake Skaja we found the most important traits for a successful relationship are:

  • Physical attraction
  • Choice to be together
  • Shared beliefs, interests and goals
  • Communication
  • Enjoy being with one another
  • Support one another

Other important traits found were trust, honesty and perseverance.The four traits of communication, trust, support, and perseverance are the traits that were the most frequently mentioned when having successful relationships. These same traits also extend when dealing with successful friendships.

And finally the most important thing seems to be whether one finds happiness in a relationship or friendship in order to call the relationship or friendship successful.

So how to get there

Well, I have to disappoint you, as I don’t know and as of the moment I’m not the best sample as my current or latest relationship is in ruins and my partner doesn’t want to go on with me anymore.

So am I the right person to talk about this, about getting to your perfect relationship? Yes, I guess so, as i have been in two long term relationships now AND I have read a lot about relationships. And maybe most important, I still believe in this ‘prince on the white horse thing’, even though it’s not here for me now or maybe even never was.

One of the things I know now is that it is probably important, and I say probably as I’m not sure if it is true for everybody, is to really look for the right ‘mate’ for the right match, looking beyond your ‘being in love’. And I guess it’s important to really put effort into the relationship, just ‘make it work’. And I guess you shouldn’t let your partner define the relationship. You’re still you, so you are the only one experiencing the relationship, NOT the other person. Sounds strange? Yes, also to me, but I’m starting to believe it’s true.

What else

Well, I’m a little dried up on this after writing the first draft of above paragraphs, so I guess I’ll have to continue later. What I actually wanted to share are the ideas of Kim Cooper, someone who claims she was in a very bad relationship and was able to turn it around. She also claims having done a lot of research on what is important to make relationships work and I bought some of her books and think there is value in them. Most important book I know from her is The Love Safety Net of which I will share that it bases on four pillars:

  • Attachment.
  • Limiting Abuse.
  • Emotional Intelligence.
  • Developmental Gap Work.

Can’t find a link to the book straight away, so I’ll just point to the related site: The Love Safety Net.

My way of dealing with relationship

My personal way of dealing with relationship is ‘just jump’ and never give up until it works, a bit based on the ideas of Napoleon Hill. I’m not sure if that’s the best way, but until now I didn’t find a better way, especially after my first relationship ended and I found myself in a similar situation in my second relationship. So this has something to do with me and not with relationship or partner, so better solve the issue, not give up on the relationship.

Other articles on relationships

Just found an awesome article about realtionships: how to find relationships on the site of Alden Tan. You may not like his style, but he has something to say and mostly puts a lot of effort in his posts.

Initial draft of this page by Guus on May 18, 2013, edited by Guus on December 4, 2013.


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