Earlier tonight I had a complete breakdown as I found out that one of the hard disks on one of my main servers had disappeared, meaning it is probably broken. And that added to some problems that I experienced earlier with one of my servers using that same computer. And there is also another problem on my other main server with a disk, but as we don’t have so much budget I was not able to replace that yet. So yes, somehow I had in mind already to build a new server, but as I am working alone right now and everything is mostly working and most things are in duplicate I decided to take the risk and not push too hard on it.
But tonight I found that I could not use my main development environment, especially related to the Active Discovery Application Framework and that is kind of inconvenient, especially as my backup server also did not work, which I did not know before, even though I know my other main server is not as stable as I would like to.
So I was in a pretty bad mood and my partner had invited visitors for dinner. And I decided to join, but did not manage to put my (business) problems aside at that moment, so I felt pretty bad, or actually worse as I was not able to socialize as I wanted to.
So no matter all the stuff I know and have learned about emotions and looking for the positive and everything I just felt bad and felt guilty about it.
Ah, and on top of that I was confronted with the idea of joining a friend tomorrow to Zamboanga, a trip I really like, but today, tonight the timing just felt completely wrong. And there was something else, as my partner just made up with me, but he leaving for Zamboanga and I staying home (again) also didn’t add to a good mood.
So what is this thing of humans, that they just want to feel good and be happy and feel guilty if they just feel bad? What’s wrong with feeling bad anyhow, it’s just a feeling, isn’t it?
Anyhow, I did quite some things, like putting a paper in my ‘blockages’ box with the problem I encountered with the computer, looking for quotes about breakdown, still sharing my feelings with the group even though I know my partner hates me for that and more of those things.
So yes, just waiting and letting it (my bad mood) pass and just go back to my computer again and finishing my things made me also realize that most things are still working and that the problem right now is not as bad as i thought it was.
So relax.
P.S. Ah, and the strange thing was that I had a very good meeting this afternoon related to my big project. So I ‘should’ have felt good.