“Thank you for telling me the thuth” makes the HAL 9000 computer in the movie 2010 to continue the countdown, saving the humans on a space mission, but being himself destroyed. And I guess behind that is something like being intelligent, being human like, having consciousness means that you can also sacrifice yourself for the greater good, whatever that may be.
And I am still struggling sacrificing a lot for my partners wants and needs. As I feel many of those things go against me, go against to what I want. And no, it’s not just wanting to be with him or something. Or being scared he will leave me. It’s much more complicated than that, although one thing behind it is that I don’t know how to deal with his anger, which I think is the main thing that makes me give in so often. Or just his capability of destroying things, things that I would like to keep, mostly as I, as we can’t afford to replace and often things we need.
So I am thinking a lot what to do. As reason doesn’t seem to arrive, at least not my reason as he is always ‘right’, at least logically. Telling about my feelings also doesn’t seem to arrive, as he doesn’t seem to realize how his actions, his wants, his needs hurt me, make it very difficult or impossible to do the things I want, prioritize my things.
And as I don’t want to retaliate and as I want to acknowledge his needs and wants I mostly give in, although often it is also to keep the peace. And virtually always my needs are not met and my wants are not being catered to.
And they often say it’s all about communication. And maybe about self confidence. But the last I am starting to develop, and the first my not be my strongest point, but with my partner I seem to be at my worst.
So well, I still have a lifetime to find a way to make us both happy. And I’m sure we’ll get there. But as of the moment I still don’t know how to make that happen. As I am certainly not happy, so my goal of us both being happy is not achieved yet.
But yes, I still believe the truth will set us free and love will prevail. As is trying to do the right thing and trying to somehow communicate what is going on on my side.
Recognize anything?