Self analysis, question 29

Tired and my head full of co-pilots crashing planes. Sad, but pilots are also human, so these things can happen. And still weird CNN puts so much attention to something like a plane crash where ‘only’ one hundred fifty people died. And even three presidents went to the crash site. What makes us so focused on incidents like this where other things like just traffic causes so many more deaths and injuries? And what about war? Or illness like cancer or heart disease? And I know news is just news, more like show, but do you know, do most people know?

Anyhow, let’s go to today’s self analysis question: “What do you value most, your material possessions, or your privilege of  controlling your own thoughts?”.

And this is a bit a weird question to me as what does hanging on to material things or striving to have them to do with controlling your thoughts? I mean, I don’t get the relation between the two.

But if I have to answer it I guess I value my material possessions most as I really hang on to my house, even though I can’t really afford it as of the moment which puts my conscience in jeopardy as I don’t want to be in debt but don’t want to lose the house also.

And controlling my thoughts is still hard for me in the sense that I can’t manage to keep my thoughts positive. As yesterday I read again about the positive and negative emotions and I noticed that my thoughts, my emotions are mostly negative, like being scared and worried and ashamed, feeling scared, worried and ashamed.

And thinking further, I miss material things so much as of the moment that I would kind of give anything to achieve some more material wealth, so I might give up the privilege of controlling my own thoughts, even though again I don’t see the relation between the two.

So today I am a bit lost, but yes, I do hang on to material things and I don’t know how to control my thoughts.

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