Tag Archives: Complaining

Another lost day?

Well, today seems another kind of lost day, like yesterday also was (a bit?). I haven’t felt this bad since a long time, but maybe it’s just what I need. Maybe I have just been focusing too much on this Law of Attraction type thing, like constantly looking for things that made me happy and leaving things to the Universe. But somehow deep inside I don’t believe the money will come pouring in without doing anything and that my Pajero will suddenly stand in front of the main door. But I also know that by working hard and kind of trying to force things, which I tend to do, these things also don’t come, at least not for me. So what now?

And the main thing is still this customer who doesn’t push through with his project I am kind of waiting for, I have done so much effort for. And a personal need that is not being taken care of, but for which I need someone who doesn’t want to cooperate. And those two things are bothering me an awful lot and no matter how much I tried (and did) the last few weeks to focus on the positive, to focus on being happy no matter what, leaving things to the Universe, worrying a lot less or not at all about many things, especially money and many more of these things somehow it stopped, slowly after finishing the thirty day Law of Attraction program.

And the main thing is I just miss some fun, some things I want to do, some nice things I want to do, some nice things I really need. And they’re just not there and I have no clue how to get them. And all this virtual reality stuff kind of works, but I think there are some limits to it.

You see, I just need a break, just something happening of all these things I wanted and thought about and vibrated and visualized and so on. And yes, some of the things I wanted happened and I was happy about them. And a major thing, my major thing in life is unfolding. But somehow I need something to push though, like just getting this customer move on with his project or finding another customer with some kind of big project.

You see, I’m just sitting here in the house, feeling locked up because I don’t have a car or other good transportation and without money to travel around, not even visiting friends in the city. And yes, i just need some friends, some friends i can share things with, some friends who understand me.

And with these kind of things I just starting to beat myself up, like I need those things and that’s how it feels. And that’s exactly what i shouldn’t do, be needy. I should want, not need, at least if I may believe Abraham Hicks.

And with these things I’m kind of back to square one, inside screaming for a job, for something to do, for fitting in and yes, earn some money. And one of those needs is just a normal human need I don’t know how fulfill, at least not in the way how I want to live my life. So should I go outside of what I feel is ‘right’? I don’t think so, as sometimes I do and that only makes it worse.

So how can i be myself and fulfill my needs when I don’t know how and when the Universe doesn’t seem to cooperate?

And do you recognize any of this or is this typically me, being me?

Not inspiring

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Well, that’s the start of this blog, the title ‘not inspiring’ as today I kind of lost it, at least this afternoon and evening.

It’s still weird to me how little events, or the meaning I give to little events can completely destroy my mood and my day. And I guess it’s the same for you or at least for most of you, although I’m not sure of that.

And actually nothing really happened. Just some little things that annoyed me, like not being able to take a warm shower still after we fixed the water and not really getting going with work today.

The main thing was though that i found that I found that one of my customers had a sample site made on his new company domain, which made me think he made the decision already to build a WordPress site and not use the site that I offered him. And I know he is comparing different systems and I know in the end I’m the best. But seeing this, what I later found to be a sample only, site on his domain put me further down today.

There is some reason for that though as I’m kind of waiting for him to make some decisions, also with the site I already built for him and that I kind of messed up last year. But I thought in the end I gave him a very good option, a better solution than he has now and even with very good conditions. And his new site would be built with similar, known technology with very little risk for him in my opinion. But I’m in The Philippines and it’s not easy to compete from here an as of the moment I don’t have the budget to regularly fly to The Netherlands to visit my customers.

But yes, this site is important to me, at least the site I have built before and that I put an awful lot of time and energy in to satisfy this customer. And this customer is important to me as it might just be the breakthrough to the full restart of my company.

And I thought i learned a lot, like trying to listen to customers and not pushing my products and stuff. So in this case I’m trying to lie low, but it’s starting to last an awful lot of time and yes, I could also use the money to finally deliver this site. So not easy to try to think about the customer, about where he stands, what he wants, if you have a very good product that you know suits his needs perfectly and that you are also willing to adapt further to his needs. And that product and this customer you already put an awful lot of time and energy in and again, it feels like some ‘last resort’ as as of the moment I don’t see any other opportunities for my business.

So is this deal important to me? Yes, certainly. And should I focus on the customer, yes, I guess so. But it’s not easy to keep going extra miles and miles and miles and people don’t seem to appreciate what you’re doing, seem to want something else.

And that again brought me today in my ‘it’s never enough’ feeling, like it seems it’s never enough what I’m doing to satisfy bosses or friends or family or customers or staff or maybe even you.

So what’s next? How to stay in a good mood? How to be happy when your mind is going all the way to those negative thoughts?

So sorry, also the end of my post is not inspiring. Better next time.

Mac

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Mac Well, not sure what to write about right now and even a bit unsure whether I would write a post anyhow as in today’s team meeting it became clear that it is time that the site gets a better structure and better content (pages) and not just ‘posts’ as I write them, basically even with the thought of ‘just writing content’.

So maybe just indeed write something about dogs as a friend of mine and i were talking about earlier today. And it was weird to find out I didn’t know how much of a dog lover she is, even though how I saw the last few days how much she likes Iwa, our little mini pincher. So we started talking about dogs and of course I asked her if she knows the Dog Whisperer, which of course she does. And then I found out she has a dog herself, Mac, of which you find a photo on this page. A very sweet dog it seems to me, and as i heard also very spoilt, but I can imagine that looking at the photo.

So we talked about dogs and it was funny to see how Iwa sat on her lap, liking it, like getting the attention and also not liking it.

And then somehow we started talking about business, which people often say I should mix with private. But to me that’s very hard as I just like the things I do business wise, something like ‘anything internet’, from building websites to Internet Marketing and Search Engine Optimization, where in my opinion people often mix especially the last two, but also overestimate the design of the first.

But that’s not really what I wanted to talk about, business. But somehow I also do, as in my experience business also affects your private life. If business is good, you can do more fun things in your private life, at least I think most people would agree that you have more options if business is good, if you’re earning money. And if business is bad, you may have less money or no money at all, so have less choices in what to do or where to go.

So is this a business post or a private life post? Well, I guess more of a business quote. And actually that’s also why I often end up talking about business. As I just need more exposure for my business, for what I’m good at, for what I have to offer. And as my private life is suffering a lot from not having enough business.

So yes, this is a business post, a sales and marketing post..

Nothing lasts

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“Nothing lasts”, that is what the documentary I was just watching about Tom Ford ended with. And I was watching, or kept watching, as I am still kind of jealous of people who are successful in life, or appear to be successful in life. And yes, I often measure that in fame and money as that are things I don’t have and would like to have. Or at least more of that. So also, yes, the negative emotion of jealousy came up again I guess, as somehow I am jealous of those people who are famous and/or rich. And it seems those often go together even though I know that’s not true, or not always true. And begin that famous is probably, or almost certainly NOT what I want as being that famous probably means you don’t own most of your own life anymore, although somehow I do want to be that famous, like that famous that I would be known all over the world. But after that, after being there you can’t go back, you can’t go back to being private again. After that probably all over the world people would recognize you, so you wouldn’t be able to move around anymore, kind of anonymous, which in the end I prefer.

So I guess it’s about the money in the end. That’s basically what I miss most, what I want most. Just enough so I wouldn’t have to work anymore, or at least wouldn’t have the feeling I have to work. And somehow I know this doesn’t really add up, as most of my life I have worked hard and it didn’t really bring me money, especially the last ten years. Last year I think it was even the opposite, or at least the second part of last year, as my working actually has cost me money as my business was losing money. So if I hadn’t had this customer that didn’t pay I might have had more money now. So money and hard work are not always related, although I still believe that it pays off to work hard, or at least that hard work is one of the things that brings in money in larger quantities than if you wouldn’t work hard. But there is more to it, as I know that most of my life I worked hard and long, and it didn’t bring me the money I am talking about. So there is something more that is needed to get money from work. Or a lot of money from working hard. And I’m not fully sure what that is, but I think it has to do with personality and character and/or also with inspiration, with working inspired, in an inspired way.

So how to go on now, as I don’t know how to inspire you to make more money if that is what you are looking for in this page. As I still didn’t figure it out yet. And that’s also one of my problems with ‘success’, with ‘successful people’. Because it’s so easy to talk about success, how to do it, how to get there when you’re already there. But what about those people like me, and probably you, otherwise you might not read this far, who didn’t make it, didn’t make it yet, neither to success or fame or whatever they want or wanted in life. That’s still one of my biggest problem with success stories and telling other people how to do it, how to get there. This even applies to Think and Grow Rich, as of course the stories and samples in the book are somehow self fulfilling prophecies: this guy or girl got what he or she wanted and did this and that. And this one didn’t because… Yes, because of what? Isn’t there some element of luck? And no, I don’t really believe in luck, same as in all those books and what all those gurus tell us. I do believe there is something to being successful, getting what you want in life. But then still, why am I not there yet? I think I did and do all the things that are needed to be successful and I still don’t have my Pajero and I still don’t have enough money to retire, to do what I want without worrying about money, without worrying how I will survive next month.

But somehow that’s the same for everyone. And somehow that’s also what Tom Ford says, what I referred to at the beginning of this post: nothing lasts. So it doesn’t really matter what I have or who I am (in the eyes of the world, in the eyes of others). Nothing lasts.

Doing nothing

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Doing nothing”, that was my intention for today related to my place mat exercise. And this meant something like leaving everything to the Universe, so that’s what I wrote down on the other side. But somehow I realized you cannot do ‘nothing’. That’s not how humans are built. So even while doing ‘nothing’, just lying a bit on the couch as I just felt tired and didn’t really feel like doing anything physical, of course I was still thinking, and breathing, and I guess a lot of other things a human does when doing nothing.

Ah, and I’m really in complaining mood, down mood, even though I thought I had left that behind as I felt so happy recently. So yesterday one of the things I wanted to achieve in one of my segments was feeling bad, which to my amazement didn’t really happen. I felt kind of bad the moment I wrote it down, but somehow later on in the day I started to feel good and when going to bed as far as I remember I really felt good again. So I didn’t achieve my goal with that and of course I was kind of happy with that.

I learned from it thought that sometimes it’s just good to write your feeling down, to just feel bad if you feel bad. And maybe this something about the ‘forcing’ humans, or at least I, often feel I do. When feeling bad I am trying to force myself out of that. And often that doesn’t work.

And I realize I’m not really inspired writing this post. And I guess you can also read that between the lines. And somehow I also know what’s the background as I have so many things I want to do, so many ideas in my mind I want to make into reality. And somehow that’s frustrating as the only thing I just need is money to live, money to survive. And it feels a bit like all my efforts somehow are good, feel good, but they just don’t bring in, or at least didn’t until now, just the money to survive.

So what is this with money, what’s wrong in the world that I can’t do what I feel I’m good at, that I can’t seem to use my talents for other people, that I can’t serve other people in a way that they appreciate it enough to allow me to live the life I think I deserve and need. Don’t they just see what I do, what I can do? Don’t they just see how good I am at the internet and programming stuff? Don’t they see how I’m trying to do things good, perfect, ready for the future, maintenance friendly?

Apparently not, but somehow I also feel that I should just continue doing what I do, believe in myself, and that somehow, some day, people see how good I am at what I do and that they can benefit from the way how I do things.