Today I was looking for some meaning and didn’t really feel like doing anything as most of the things I did lately were not appreciated very much. So, based on one of the advises of Abraham Hicks I decided not to do anything, except the little things I had planned and just wait, just wait for some inspiration. Or not just waiting, but kind of thinking, letting things sink in. Because somehow I feel like I have some kind of information overload as i read somewhere. And if so a human has information enough to make decisions but just needs time to process it.
And I’m still trying to match this ‘wait until you are inspired’ from Abraham Hicks and the ‘put your plan into action straight away’ from Napoleon Hill, but I think they’re not really contradictory because today I really didn’t know what to do. And I tend to do ‘just action’, but also according to the teachings of I think both, ‘just doing things’ and/or working hard is not really something that brings you success. Maybe you know: I feel like I have worked hard enough in my life, but in the end it didn’t really bring me anywhere.
So my resting and thinking and ‘doing nothing’ somehow brought me to another self help type book I have. The book “Your Best Life Now Journal” from Joel Osteen. And this book, this journal starts with the same thing as where Napoleon Hill starts: with desire, what do you want. So I pondered a bit about that. And I allowed a bit what I wanted. And before I always wanted to be rich, really rich. And I still want to be. And somehow I am starting to believe that I will be. But things have changed over the last year, because I know more why I want to be rich, I know more what I really want in life. And the main things for now are just having a car, and yes, I still want to show off also, so I prefer a Mitsubishi Pajero, not any car and having a holiday, and the last to be specific to Bali. But these things mean more to me than ‘just a luxury car’ and ‘just a holiday’. The car means mainly that I can move around, visit friends and family and the holiday means mainly that I want to have some private time with my loved one as we had when we just met, when we were really in love and the first few years we were together.
And I am crying now, because I still don’t know what exactly went wrong with those things, with my life. We started so well here, being together, starting a business together, moving to our dream house together. And we were so enthusiastic, especially when moving here, ideas about business, parties with friends, holidays indeed. And somehow, somewhere things started falling apart.
And maybe this was all needed to bring me where I am now, start this project, this website, mean something in the world. And yes, I have learned a lot, an awful lot, about life and such. But the price has been enormous and I still don’t fully understand why I deserve where I stand now, feeling like having nothing left, especially financially, especially living the good life, especially just enjoying life. But looking at the ideas that Napoleon Hill describes in Think and Grow Rich it seems that all people, maybe especially successful people, have these deep downs. So I still have hope that it will be alright, that things will be OK soon. But like today and yesterday it’s not easy to see meaning, to be happy, to be positive, to be inspiring. And I’m not sure if I should share what I just wrote right now as sometimes I think you, the world needs leaders who are successful, who look successful and not someone who doesn’t know anymore, at least not yesterday and not until this moment today.
The funny thing right now is though that I am starting to feel better right now as it feels that I should continue this project, that maybe this is the thing that the world needs, as one of my other ambitions, one of my other ideas and maybe my purpose in life is to make the world a better place. As some things, like especially the financial system, doesn’t seem to work. At least not for me right not and not for many people without a job, without any perspective right now. And as I stated in my desire document for this project I want to make people serve each other (again?) in a happy way instead of working for money and focusing on the money as I think most people do, and I did and still do. As that is how the world works, that is what makes the world move right now. And there is nothing wrong with money, but right now, me, an educated experienced person not being able to give services to other people I like to give (and indeed, receive money for that) is plain waste, especially seeing that so many things are not being done, are not being serviced. So money, capitalism, is not the only or not the definite way to make the world go around, at least not in the way we have organized it right now.
So how should it be done, could it be done? I’m not sure, but indeed thinking from ‘giving and receiving’ instead of ‘exchange services for money’ might be a better way of looking how we can do what we like to do and at the same time serve other people. Anyhow, more on that later as we did not prepare the site yet for our ‘receiving’ part. Ah, and yes, I am starting to see more and more that I think most humans have more problems with giving than with receiving.