My partner keeps hammering on me that I don’t understand, that I lack understanding. And he keeps telling me that I’m wrong, that I’m doing it wrong and that I need to change. And that the whole problem is ‘me’, something like me being me.
So what to do, what to do next. Lately I have been ‘allowing’ him to be him more according to the teachings of Abraham Hicks. So I’m not complaining so much anymore about things he does and things he wants. But deep inside I keep hearing this little voice telling me “yes, but what about me?”. As somehow it seems and feels like that I’m allowing my partner a lot more than myself. And it drains me, it drains my energy. But also according to Abraham Hicks it is indeed me who has to change, or at least I read something like “…it’s not her…”.
And somehow all of this goes back to beliefs, to my beliefs, like “you reap what you sow” and “who does well, will meet well” and things like that. And maybe the beliefs “you can’t change the other person, but you can change yourself” and “if you want to change the world start with yourself”.
All very wise and nice sayings, but I can’t do so much with them, at least they were somehow not confirmed in my life, or maybe they were, but not in a way I like and I don’t know what to do to change it, to change my life. But again, I hear Abraham Hicks say that you should be happy here and now, not somewhere else.
But my inner voice keeps telling me that I cannot be that bad a person in the sense that I don’t believe I sowed that bad things related to what I’m reaping now. And yes, I always have an excuse to tell myself that that’s negative thinking. So who to believe, my inner voice (the little voice?) or the reasoning? And it seems I am treating other people very bad, as basically everybody leaves me behind. Something like it seems I don’t listen to other people. But should I be punished so bad for that? I don’t believe it.
And I turned myself inside out to please other people, to make them happy. But it didn’t work out as nobody seems to be pleasing me (and yes, I know they say you shouldn’t do things to please other people).
So what’s going on here? Deep inside I know I’m not a bad person, actually I’m a good person, although especially recently I discovered I also have my bad sides, sides that I didn’t know existed. But should I keep turning myself inside out to please other people, to ‘allow’ them? I’m willing to, but somehow I also believe there needs to be balance, giving and receiving should be in balance. And again, my inner voice says I’m not receiving enough. And yes, deep inside I know I’m not really allowing that.
So what to do, to restore the balance? Any ideas? Recognize something?