Tonight I was with a friend and we were talking about the thing I want most in life, about what I defined as my desire and definite purpose. And I am getting confused here, because I think basically the conclusion was that I should give up on my desire and move on, look for something better. Or actually while writing this that was not was actually said or meant, but maybe my interpretation.
The whole thing was basically about spirituality, something like ‘what am I doing here on this earth’. And going back, when I wrote my ‘desire document‘ as I call it, the one from the six steps like writing down your definite purpose, I was pretty sure about my desire, my definite purpose, so no matter what, I stuck to it and am still (kind of?) sticking to it. And I never, ever changed my initial statement of what I wanted, what I want in life, no matter what happened. But what if my definite purpose is wrong, spiritually? What if I’m just stubborn? What if my persistence is just ‘being stubborn’? What if I chose the wrong thing to do?
And of course this post is all about doubt, all about ‘not willing to give’ or ‘not willing to give anymore’. And about that in my case it seems to take so much time and effort and suffering to get what I really want.
But while writing I somehow feel that maybe this is what it’s all about. That in the end indeed I’ll get what I want and deserve, as long as I don’t give up, as long as I don’t declare failure. That I still declare all the bumps in the road, even though the goal kind of feels further away than anytime before as defeat, not as failure.
And it’s weird, because while writing this it still seems that this is exactly what it’s all about. Not giving up, not declaring failure, just continue, until you get what you want, no matter the doubt, no matter the bumps, no matter what.
And yes, I guess I’m still within my constraints, my ‘willing to give’, even though it doesn’t always feel good what I’m doing. So I guess it’s not time to give up, it’s time to keep thinking of my goal, of what I really want in life. Even though it feels like it’s starting to take too much time.
But now, while writing, I feel again the desire come up, as I have a very clear picture in mind of what I want and what I also wrote down. And what I really want is good, feels good, so I guess for now I’ll just hang on to it and not give up. As it’s good for everybody involved.
Time will tell, and I don’t mean that as a negative. Maybe indeed this is what success is all about: persist until you got what you want.