Tag Archives: Feeling

Find something to be happy about

The idea to find something to be happy about, no matter what, appeals to me. However, today I didn’t really succeeded in that. Somehow I’m still too much bothered with my financial situation and not feeling needed by anyone in a business type way. And the worst thing is that this is something that has been haunting me almost all my (grown up) life. And I still don’t really know what to do about it, even though I have learnt the last few months that ‘I’ am not defined by my capacity to earn or something. Still, I feel blocked in almost anything I want to do for fun, like traveling or even visiting friends or acquaintances. And I have the feeling I’m complaining here which I’m also quite sure I do. But I just feel frustrated not being needed by anyone in a business type of way with the things I like to do: web development, programming, internet marketing and everything around it. And I know I’m good at it. I know I have some specific ideas that are good. And I also know other people are good at it, just in a different way.

But the good thing maybe is that I have things to think about related to this project, related to Inspiration for Success. And I believe, i have to believe, that has to pay off somehow, somewhere, sometime, also in money or fame or something.

But for now, today, I just felt lousy. But a friend of mine just said that’s part of being human. And even Abraham Hicks I think confirms that.

So if you’re in that state, don’t worry. And even if I’m not seeing it right now, not feeling it right now, I know there will be a time when I’m feeling better. Probably tomorrow or maybe even earlier.

Pause

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Well, this thirty day Law of Attraction document has really done something to me. I accept my moods more and I accept other people and other people’s moods more. And it made me more easy on money, on spending. And the last I didn’t really write about here I think as somehow it didn’t come up. And I wasn’t really thinking about it when I was starting this post, but well, this seems the right time.

One of the ‘exercises’ in the document is to spend each day a certain amount of virtual money. And that amount is increasing. It starts with 1,000.00 units of your currency and it increases every day with that amount. And sometimes I still feel like a fool doing this, as I kept continuing this, but somehow it makes sense to do it. And the weirdest thing began when I started with the program. At first I wanted to use the US dollar as the currency. But somehow it didn’t feel right and I decided to stick with ‘my’ current currency, the Philippine peso. But spending an amount starting with PHP 1,000.00 every day and increasing with that amount every day is something completely different than spending USD 1,000.00 increasing with USD 1,000.00 every day. So I thought. And somehow I thought I felt a bit stupid starting with ‘only’ PHP 1,000.00 instead of USD 1,000.00. As after a year I would end up spending PHP 365,0000.00 per day instead of USD 365,000.00 is a completely different thing as the US dollar is around 40 or 45 times as much as the peso.

So I thought I was limiting myself in abundance, using PHP instead of USD. And maybe I was. But something completely different is happening. As as of the moment it’s around 45 days ago that I started doing this. So as of the moment I am spending a virtual amount of PHP 45,000.00 a day instead of USD 45,000.00 a day. But I can’t even spend the PHP 45,000.00 and I often even forget about it during the day as I just don’t need it and just wouldn’t know what to spend it on And while writing this I wouldn’t even know what to spend USD 45,000.00 on. Every day! And one of the rules is you have to spend it, you cannot give it away or ‘just save’ it. So while writing this actually I’m happy I chose the Philippine peso and not the US dollar. As I wouldn’t really know what to spend USD 45,000.00 on today, let alone USD 400,000.00 PER DAY about one year from now.

Ah, and what I actually wanted to tell you is that the amount increased so quickly, even starting with this PHP 1,000.00 per day increasing with PHP 1,000.00 per day that even today I wouldn’t have a clue what to spend it on. Lately often late at night, just before sleep I just make something up what to spend it on. I just forget about it during the day. And mostly it’s savings for my Bali holiday and savings for my Pajero, so it’s not even real spending ‘today’.

And yes, of course I know it’s not real money. And I can’t use it in real life and believe me, I could use some real money very much right now, more than ever. But that’s not the point.

The point is that I see more now what I really want. I don’t want the money, I just want the things I can buy with it. And it’s not even much what I really want related to the income group I think I belong to. And yes, I lowered my standards a bit being in such a financially rough shape I am now and I’ve never been before and couldn’t even imagine myself in. But again, that’s not the point. The point is that with just knowing that every day there is an increasing amount coming in I see more now that it’s better to live by the day, just use what you need, what you really want. And the point is that I don’t need ‘everything’, I don’t need hundred million dollars or so. And the point is that if I had it I wouldn’t even know what to spend it on. It’s just some kind of safety, but that kind of safety doesn’t exist in the world and somehow I’m starting to believe that it’s also not needed, maybe even unwanted.

Ah, and the main point is that I somehow learnt from it that worrying about ‘money’ doesn’t make sense. And that all those worries and ideas I have in real life about money indeed somehow prevent money coming in, prevent ‘abundance’.

And yeah, I really would like to continue writing about this and I can really recommend that you do this exercise also, maybe unless you’re a multimillionaire. And no, I have no clue where this goes in real life and of course I am very worried somehow, somewhere and I should be. But the exercise taught me things about money and about what worrying does. And what ‘knowing’ does. Things I didn’t know and didn’t realize until I did this exercise.

So yes, go for it and let me, let us know your experiences, if they are the same as mine or not.

Another lost day?

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Well, today seems another kind of lost day, like yesterday also was (a bit?). I haven’t felt this bad since a long time, but maybe it’s just what I need. Maybe I have just been focusing too much on this Law of Attraction type thing, like constantly looking for things that made me happy and leaving things to the Universe. But somehow deep inside I don’t believe the money will come pouring in without doing anything and that my Pajero will suddenly stand in front of the main door. But I also know that by working hard and kind of trying to force things, which I tend to do, these things also don’t come, at least not for me. So what now?

And the main thing is still this customer who doesn’t push through with his project I am kind of waiting for, I have done so much effort for. And a personal need that is not being taken care of, but for which I need someone who doesn’t want to cooperate. And those two things are bothering me an awful lot and no matter how much I tried (and did) the last few weeks to focus on the positive, to focus on being happy no matter what, leaving things to the Universe, worrying a lot less or not at all about many things, especially money and many more of these things somehow it stopped, slowly after finishing the thirty day Law of Attraction program.

And the main thing is I just miss some fun, some things I want to do, some nice things I want to do, some nice things I really need. And they’re just not there and I have no clue how to get them. And all this virtual reality stuff kind of works, but I think there are some limits to it.

You see, I just need a break, just something happening of all these things I wanted and thought about and vibrated and visualized and so on. And yes, some of the things I wanted happened and I was happy about them. And a major thing, my major thing in life is unfolding. But somehow I need something to push though, like just getting this customer move on with his project or finding another customer with some kind of big project.

You see, I’m just sitting here in the house, feeling locked up because I don’t have a car or other good transportation and without money to travel around, not even visiting friends in the city. And yes, i just need some friends, some friends i can share things with, some friends who understand me.

And with these kind of things I just starting to beat myself up, like I need those things and that’s how it feels. And that’s exactly what i shouldn’t do, be needy. I should want, not need, at least if I may believe Abraham Hicks.

And with these things I’m kind of back to square one, inside screaming for a job, for something to do, for fitting in and yes, earn some money. And one of those needs is just a normal human need I don’t know how fulfill, at least not in the way how I want to live my life. So should I go outside of what I feel is ‘right’? I don’t think so, as sometimes I do and that only makes it worse.

So how can i be myself and fulfill my needs when I don’t know how and when the Universe doesn’t seem to cooperate?

And do you recognize any of this or is this typically me, being me?

Not inspiring

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Well, that’s the start of this blog, the title ‘not inspiring’ as today I kind of lost it, at least this afternoon and evening.

It’s still weird to me how little events, or the meaning I give to little events can completely destroy my mood and my day. And I guess it’s the same for you or at least for most of you, although I’m not sure of that.

And actually nothing really happened. Just some little things that annoyed me, like not being able to take a warm shower still after we fixed the water and not really getting going with work today.

The main thing was though that i found that I found that one of my customers had a sample site made on his new company domain, which made me think he made the decision already to build a WordPress site and not use the site that I offered him. And I know he is comparing different systems and I know in the end I’m the best. But seeing this, what I later found to be a sample only, site on his domain put me further down today.

There is some reason for that though as I’m kind of waiting for him to make some decisions, also with the site I already built for him and that I kind of messed up last year. But I thought in the end I gave him a very good option, a better solution than he has now and even with very good conditions. And his new site would be built with similar, known technology with very little risk for him in my opinion. But I’m in The Philippines and it’s not easy to compete from here an as of the moment I don’t have the budget to regularly fly to The Netherlands to visit my customers.

But yes, this site is important to me, at least the site I have built before and that I put an awful lot of time and energy in to satisfy this customer. And this customer is important to me as it might just be the breakthrough to the full restart of my company.

And I thought i learned a lot, like trying to listen to customers and not pushing my products and stuff. So in this case I’m trying to lie low, but it’s starting to last an awful lot of time and yes, I could also use the money to finally deliver this site. So not easy to try to think about the customer, about where he stands, what he wants, if you have a very good product that you know suits his needs perfectly and that you are also willing to adapt further to his needs. And that product and this customer you already put an awful lot of time and energy in and again, it feels like some ‘last resort’ as as of the moment I don’t see any other opportunities for my business.

So is this deal important to me? Yes, certainly. And should I focus on the customer, yes, I guess so. But it’s not easy to keep going extra miles and miles and miles and people don’t seem to appreciate what you’re doing, seem to want something else.

And that again brought me today in my ‘it’s never enough’ feeling, like it seems it’s never enough what I’m doing to satisfy bosses or friends or family or customers or staff or maybe even you.

So what’s next? How to stay in a good mood? How to be happy when your mind is going all the way to those negative thoughts?

So sorry, also the end of my post is not inspiring. Better next time.

Only now

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Yes, there is only now as I sent today in my daily quote e-mail:

“Nothing is more important than that I feel good. And I’m going to find ways today. I’m going to begin my day by meditating and bringing myself into alignment with my Source Energy. And as I move through the day, Im going to look for opportunities to appreciate, so that all day long Ill bring myself back into Source Energy.” – Abraham Hicks

and with my comment:

“Yeah, that’s what we all want, just feel good. That’s all. So better just do that, no matter what, as there is only the Now, only one Now, nothing else.”

And yes, I agree with all that and I guess it’s simple, not easy. And that’s what I’m using a lot lately, the phrase “It’s simple, not easy.” as that is often how things feel to me appear to be to me.

And I realize more and more that most things go right, that most things just work. And that we often mostly or only focus on the things that don’t work. So somehow I, and probably everybody else, or at least most people, are looking for a perfect world. And somehow, on a lower level, I know that our world is perfect as it just follows the laws of nature, the laws of the Universe.

So what is this that humans strive for ‘perfection’ on the material level. What is it that we everything material just want to work. Or maybe the other way around: why do the material things we build need maintenance, why do they break down. Or do things on the smaller scale, molecules and atoms and smaller, or on the larger scale, planets and stars, also break down, are they also ‘imperfect’. Or is it just the level we live our life on, the ‘scale’ we live our life on, that we see the imperfections. Because of course we can never see imperfections in a molecule or a star or even the moon, although with the moon we can see the craters and stuff with the naked eye as far as I know.

And I realize I’m writing quite a philosophical kind of post, which was not really my intention. And I’m not sure what’s the use or what’s the inspirational or success part.

Or is it just still with what I started with: let’s just be happy with what is, as there is nothing else. Let’s just feel good.