Tag Archives: Positive thinking

Reprogramming my subconscious mind to get more money

Public commitment

So let’s do some public commitment by reprogramming my subconscious mind according to the method described in “Reprogramming the subconscious mind” through the idea described in my page “subconscious mind“. And of course checking if what is written in that page actually works.

And I started this post yesterday, November 20, 2018. Today is November 21, 2018, and I have been practicing some things, like keeping focus on the one thing I want to reprogram my subconscious mind for and doing some mantra type things with my “Money is good for me” sentence.

Knowing what I want (rule #1)

Rule number one is knowing what I want and that is where I already got into trouble. Or not really into trouble, but there were several things in my mind that were kind of conflicting as my initial focus was ‘money’, but then I realized in my mind ‘money’ is related to ‘working’ where in real life of course they are not necessarily. Most of my money I guess I did not get by working, even though in my mind money seems to be (mainly?) related to work. Or actually completely related to work.

A second thought came up and that is that I want my emotional pain to stop as that is kind of much more important to me than money. But that is just a feeling, as if nothing happens I will very soon completely run out of money, so I guess money is more important than getting rid of my emotional pain.

The whole exercise teaches me already that it is not that easy to be specific when just thinking about knowing what I want and I think that would be the same for most or all people.

Anyhow, I need to make a decision here I think and I choose to program my subconscious mind to attract more money to me. And I ended up on YouTube related to programming the subconscious mind and one of the things I found is that I need some kind of mantra to reprogram the subconscious mind and the mantra I came up with is something like “Money is good for me”. I also thought about “I am a money magnet”, but I want the money to flow, I want to do something with it, not let it stick with me, even though I like to have a pile of money to feel safe. But “Money is good for me” matches the things mentioned in the video I think.

And why did I choose “Money is good for me”? I think mainly because I think I was taught in childhood that money is not ‘good’, that money is something bad.

And yes, I think it is a subconscious mind thing, not just a goal I can achieve with ordinary willpower and such as I tried many things and can be pretty persistent, but nothing seemed to work, things just got worse in money matters over time, especially the last ten years, but also before.

Reveal the subconscious patterns that stop me (rule #2)

So I have to have a dialog with myself and find related subconscious mind patterns that stop me from having enough or an abundant amount of money. And I did not really work on that yet, as I believe I need some quiet time with myself to find out more about this.

Maybe this is the time to do that, but I don’t feel like it right now. But I guess I can give it a try. Now.

November 25, 2018

And I did, but it is November 25, 2018 now and I didn’t really make progress. Good I made a commitment here though as now I kind of feel obliged to continue and try again.

When I stopped writing I really tried to ask my subconscious mind what stops me from having, earning or getting enough money but I couldn’t really connect. I felt no connection with my subconscious mind. I did do some mantra type repeating of my “Money is good for me” mantra, but also not so much the last few days. So again, good I made a commitment here in this post.

I’ll try again now to meditate and see if I can make a connection to my subconscious mind about it. And I had the feeling I was not really able to as I saw some strange things in my mind, like rotten programs in some kind of eerie computer environment. It made me think there is indeed something really wrong with the programming of my subconscious mind, but I couldn’t really connect to it or change it. So I finally decided to do some meditation related to inner child healing and/or subconscious mind reprogramming: Heal Inner Child Shame and Guilt.

December 4, 2018

It is December 4, 2018 and somehow the mantra “Money is good for me” is still with me and I think of it, well, regularly, but not as often as I want or should(?!). But somehow it is in my mind, so I hope that my subconscious mind is picking it up. And somehow I added some other mantra’s, even though it was advised to just stick with one. The two others are “Traveling makes me happy” and “I would love to see my mom”.

My main thing is trying to be more positive, have positive, good thoughts in my mind, which has proven not to be easy, but I think I have made progress and those three sentences help me. Not easy to keep negative thoughts out of my mind though, but I am trying to learn to let them blow up, let them dissolve when I notice I am thinking any negative thought.

December 25, 2018

Today I felt a bit down and I guess it had to do with the phone call I had with my mom last night. And during that phone call I realized how negative my mom is. As many, many times she says “I can’t…”, like yesterday she told me she can’t use her right arm anymore. And of course that affects me, a lot I guess, as it is not nice hearing she can’t really manage alone anymore. But it is also teaching me that there may be some truth in that as long as she keeps saying “I can’t…” with many, many things, the result indeed must be that she can’t do many things.

And I know the feeling myself, like for a long time I couldn’t do many things emotionally. And that was very hard to deal with, knowing that I can technically do something, but am blocked emotionally. But maybe again, it is all in the mind and I am learning from that that indeed probably my subconsious mind is much more powerful than my conscious mind.

Anyhow, I don’t want to talk about the negative, although it kind of opened my mind (more). I wanted to talk about how I am going with my ‘Money is good for me” mantra. And actually that is going pretty well I think, as every time I have negative thoughts, especially about money, my mind is repeating the “Money is good for me” and mostly makes my mind shift into at least a more positive mindset.

The next thing I wanted to share is that I have two or three more mantra’s in my mind. And even though I read that it is best to focus on one thing at the time, the other two or three mantra’s are in my mind already. And they are:

  • Traveling makes me happy.
  • I would love to visit my mom.
  • Having a car is convenient.

And whenever I have negative thoughts e.g. being in a Jeepney, like thinking I don’t have my own transportation, I am trying to think that at least I am traveling and that traveling makes me happy. And slowly I am realizing that probably indeed I could visit my mom if I wanted to. Main limitation there is that I would like to be in a financial position I could pay for that myself easily. But maybe I can already, as somehow money is coming to me in a more positive way and somehow my financial situation has improved, even though it is not even close to what I want or what I want to manifest.

And the “Having a car is convenient” produces the image of my black Mitsubishi Pajero in my mind. So there is a strong link between car or my car and the car I imagined for so long as being my dream car. And a Mitsubishi Pajero is not really my dream car, as that would be an Aston Martin V8 Volante, but the image is there and I think I am creating positive thoughts around having a car or manifesting a Mitsubishi Pajero.

So I think I am making progress and also started reading “Manifest Now” from “Idil Ahmed”, again, literature producing positive thoughts, a positive mindset.

Rule #3: Apply the subconscious shifting methods before sleep

And I only realize now, December 4, 2018, while I am writing in the previous paragraph, that I missed something.

The site says:

When using those techniques that are presented below to program your subconscious mind, it must be before sleeping time or right when you wake up in the morning.About 15 minutes before falling asleep, the mind and body begin to calm down, the muscles loosen up, the breathing becomes more at ease, the heartbeats start to slow down and the whole system gets into a deeper relaxation mode. At this point, the brain produces alpha waves.Researcher’s EEG studies show that in this 15-minute window between wakefulness and sleep, the brain waves slow down and there are between 7-14 electrical waves each second – those are Alpha waves.

In this stage, according to research, The subconscious mind’s tunnel is “open” to receive messages.

What do I want?

Frustration

I am mainly frustrated because I don’t have, or think I don’t have what I want. Or maybe I am mainly frustrated because I don’t know how to get what I want. But I think I never really wrote down what I want in a tangible way. Like mostly I say something like “I want my old life back, but in a better, more healthy way”, but I never really specified that I think. And with “my old life” I mainly mean the life Lee and I had together from 2003 to 2010 or so. But I also mean part of the life I had before, when I traveled the world together with Nico. As yes, that was fantastic, even though there was an underlying problem in our relationship most of the time. And the same was true in the time I was with Lee. I was happy and in love and we had a good life, but some things were wrong, very wrong I know now. And I guess it was the same or a similar thing going on. And I guess it goes back to codependency and to not loving myself and not having a spiritual foundation I could build from. And as I have been working very hard on the last I may be much closer to what I want than I think, even though it does not feel that way. Actually I feel worse than ever in my life before, even though I had a very bad time when I was a student, also being very depressed and suicidal. I remember driving on myYamaha XZ550S Yamaha XZ550S and thinking with almost every truck I encountered whether I would drive into it or not. Well, somehow I didn’t, and I still don’t know why, as it would have been so easy.

Fantastic

And thinking of that bike, riding it was really fantastic. It was the best thing I ever did and I still miss it. And amazing I did not kill myself with it at the time, as I was young and could drive pretty fast most of the time on ordinary roads in The Netherlands, like 150 km/h, yes, really, 150 km/h on average country roads.

And yes, I consider myself a safe driver, not really taking risks, but 150 km/h on country roads, even good roads, is pretty fast, way too fast looking back, but I did it, and I never had an accident at the time. And I guess that is amazing, looking how much I used that bike as it was also my daily means of transportation, going anywhere I wanted and needed to go.

And I realize now that at the time nobody really knew me, how I enjoyed that bike and also how fast I drove and such. I guess at the time I was also already pretty alone, pretty lonely, very lonely.

But that is a sideline, although it brings me back to what I want, and also to thinking about how it all happened, why went down the drain so far and so deep.

Finance, money

As at the time I was very lonely and was already looking for a lover and partner I could not find. But what I had was safety, basically in the form of money. And some kind of outlook to the future as I was studying at the highest level University in The Netherlands and was supposed to get a good job after I was finished. And yes, maybe I was spoiled, getting Dfl. 1,000.00 per month as study allowance from my dad. And I got Dfl. 10,000.00 savings on my 18th birthday or something. Or my 21st , I don’t remember.

So that is what I want, feel financially safe again, as at the time I felt financially safe. Every month Dfl. 1,000.00 was deposited in my account and I had a few thousand guilders as savings. As right now I feel completely unsafe financially, as I don’t have enough money coming in on a monthly basis to sustain my current lifestyle. And my current lifestyle may be still pretty high, but it does not feel like extraordinary, especially not related to how I lived before, until 2001 or so.

And strange, writing this, as it seems financial security is the most important thing for me in life. As yes, I used to want a regular sex life, preferably, or actually only, through having a lifetime lover and partner, but I am pretty sure the last can be found if I am financially secure, if I feel financially secure. As, and I never realized this before, money CAN buy some kind of safety, some kind of security, some kind of feeling secure and safe. And I still believe if I would have been able to earn enough, pull of Active Discovery Designs in a way it would earn enough money to sustain our lifestyle, Lee would still be with me, would not have left me. Shortage of money, financial insecurity, seems to be a very bad thing, at least for me.

The good life

So what does “the good life” mean to me? Or what did it mean to me before and what would I want to get back or what do I want to retain? And what would I like to be changed, what would I like to be better?

Well, let me try to make a list:

  • With Nico we often went out during weekends, mostly on initiative of Nico, some things I did on my initiative. And strange, looking back, I mostly, or virtually always joined Nico in his quests, in his hobbies, but he hardly joined mine. Or is that not true?
  • With NIco, and also before, I had at least one large holiday per year, four weeks going some place far away, yes, as a tourist.
  • With Nico I often went away for a weekend, to Berlin, or Paris, or some other place. Mostly camping, sometimes in hotels.
  • With Nico I mostly had at least one extra week of holiday, going to Greece or something, but I also remember Portugal. And sometimes also just by car, to Eastern Germany or something.
  • With Nico I often went out to good restaurants, like at least once a month, have a good night out having a very nice dinner. I miss that so much. Ah, and yes, Nico still does that. So weird he can and I can’t anymore. And I know with Lee that didn’t really work the same way, but still.
  • With Nico there was enough money, so we could buy basically anything we wanted, especially food and such, but we also had nice furniture and things like that. And cars of course, each one car.
  • With Lee I often went to the beach, yes, with the dogs, or with friends. I miss that so much, would like to do that again.
  • With Lee I often went to Davao, visit family, or make other trips, yes, by car.
  • We often went to the land in Salumay and made plans, worked there, had plans for the future there.
  • We mostly held hands while driving. I love that feeling of being together, of being lovers. I miss that so much.
  • With Lee as well as with Nico I really felt like being a couple. That feels so good to me.
  • I would want the life at The Malasag House like before, when I was just working and Lee taking care of the house and guests and the garden, and inviting friends and guests.

What would I like to change, what would I want to be better? Well, this I guess:

  • I would want to have a private sex life, just the two of us enjoying sex, enjoying making love, not the crazy sauna things and other things Nico and I did to escape our terrible difference in how to deal with sex. And not the things I did and still do when I feel Lee is not close to me, when he is not my lover. Or when he just (still) rejects me.
  • I would like to be more like friends with my partner, just being able to talk about anything, discuss anything, without any fear. I guess I could combine that now with being lovers. That would be so great, being friends and partners and lovers at the same time. Who wouldn’t want that?
  • I would not want to have that terrible feeling as I had when we had the Landcruiser, like something was terribly wrong. And various things were very wrong related to that.
  • I wouldn’t want Lee to just leave, like what he did when he bought his property in Siargao. I want to stay together, do things together. Strangely enough I would want to be able to travel alone for my business, going around the world when I am rich and famous.
  • Find a way to also have my own friends at The Malasag House, independent from Lee.

Ah, and my codependent treats come out so well making above list, as I often want to write ‘we’ instead of ‘I’, for things I did.

Summary

So what do I want, summarizing the above? Well, this I guess:

  • Financial security.
  • Some future outlook.
  • “The good life”, like before, but then without the catch.

Filthier than the filthiest rag

History

I was a bit shocked when I realized what pastor Ferdie of the Great Alliance Commission Fellowship in Cagayan de Oro City actually said this morning, or what I thought he said (see update). As he said something like we humans are like “filthier than the filthiest cloth one can imagine”. And I know it is meant well, it is meant to show us the way to Jesus, but still, it is an affirmation, and when thinking about it I think it is kind of an insult to God. As I believe we are created in His Image, and calling ourselves filthier than the filthiest cloth, doesn’t that mean we also say God is filthier than the filthiest cloth? Or aren’t we saying He created us as filthy beings? Aren’t we saying He created humans as filthy beings?

Great Commission Fellowship

And this is an affirmation. And for quite a while I am trying to figure out where my negative thinking comes from. And I think it comes mainly from my upbringing, from my being raises as a Christian. And I am starting to believe more and more that my negative thinking, my thinking about a bad an punishing God (and life), comes from there, comes from the ideas I was taught when I grew up.

And when I was invited to join meetings from the Great Commission Alliance Fellowship I was happily surprised, especially with the worship gathering every Sunday, I was happily surprised that was and is quite a happy event every Sunday morning at 10 am in Cinema 3 of SM City (in Cagayan de Oro City) with modern music and modern preaching. Not the dull ceremonies with singing very old songs that didn’t make sense to me with only a church organ.

So after joining that event for the first time I decided to keep going. Mainly because I needed some more spiritual input, but also just to find new friends, to expand my social circle. And mostly I like the gathering, as mostly I am learning something.  And I kind of like how pastor Ferdie mixes common sense self help type wisdom with biblical knowledge, with biblical ideas, although sometimes it is a bit too much for me.

And yes, I learned to be more myself, like joining things like singing or going to the altar when called. I learned to listen and participate as myself, not blindly following whatever is told or taught. I think that is big progress, not the least letting go of the past, letting go of this punishing God that has been with me so long, yes, that God is often or mostly still with me.

And this morning that God visited me, that negative God, that God that tells me that I am filthier than the filthiest rag. And I just don’t believe God is like that. I can’t believe that a God that I am told is a loving God, says or thinks I am dirty, that I am filth.

So also this Great Commission Fellowship has these negative teachings about human beings. And that turns me off. Yes, I know somehow I commit ‘sin’ as somehow I do things that I believe I am not supposed to do; I do things I don’t want to do; I do things that I believe are ‘wrong’. But on the other side I am just “me”, somehow I was just created this way. So why blame me for being me?

So why write this post? Well, I guess the main reason was that pastor Ferdie kind of brushed me off when I tried to share my concern about what he had said this morning. And this was not the first time he said it, but this time it just struck me as ‘wrong’. as a wrong message to people. As it may just make one feel bad. And I don’t think it is right to make people feel bad about themselves.

If God is good, aren’t we also good? And aren’t we made in His Image?

Update

Good I pushed through telling pastor Ferdie what I had understood from his sermon, as he responded that he had not said or meant that we are all filth in the eyes of God. He had meant or said that even if we were filthier than the filthiest cloth on earth God is there for us, Jesus has saved us.

And last Sunday, yesterday, I was happily surprised hearing him say things I have been writing about, like that we have been made in God’s image.

Fundamentals of leadership

Somehow I started reading in the book “The Leader Who Had No Title” from Robin Sharma, even though I don’t like it so much. And I was not really into doing something, just wanted to relax, and didn’t really know what to do, so I just opened the book and started reading. And again, I don’t like how the book is written, the style, but somehow I kept reading and the content of the book is good, that is what I know, as I read most of the book before. And as before I started at the beginning, and started getting a bit bored, a bit annoyed with the style of writing, this time I decided to start pretty much at the end, as I presumed that was a part had not read before.

And the content was quite interesting, kind of linked to things I am currently doing, linked to spirituality, so I kept reading for a while. And while reading I was kind of struck by the “Seven Fundamentals of Leadership” as stated, even so much that it inspired me to write about it, share it here. Maybe just because I like lists, like the Principles of Success :).

And I have no clue what to write about them, but here they are:

  1. Learning.
  2. Affirmations.
  3. Visualization.
  4. Journaling.
  5. Goal setting.
  6. Exercise.
  7. Nutrition.

Ah, and now I remember why I wanted to share, as especially ‘affirmations‘ and ‘visualization’ are things I can related to, especially affirmations, as I started doing affirmations quite recently. And somehow having a list of (positive) affirmations seems to work, even though I have not been that serious with them the last few days, the last week.

Mmm, and I am not sure how to continue now, as I don’t have much more to say about this. Maybe that it also struck me that what I read today also had strong relations with the ideas of Napoleon Hill, the author of Think and Grow Rich, the book that was the foundation for this site. Like our life is the result of our thinking, is the result of how we think. And that we can influence the way how we think. But that is another story and can be found elsewhere, probably better in other sites than in this site.

Baby steps

For quite a while I wanted to post again here, work on Inspiration for Success. But I just didn’t feel like it, couldn’t put myself to it. And that has been the case with many, many things. And I am still not fully sure how it all happened, but the patterns that created my life appear to be very, very deep and strong and not easy to change. And I am not  fully sure if this time I found something that can really help to change my life, improve my life, but the program of Codependents Anonymous at least has me made more aware of what is going on in my life. And made more clear what is my part and what is not. And what is my job and what is not. And somehow it is an extension of the ideas of Napoleon Hill, like e.g. the Twelve Step program mentions Higher Power where Napoleon Hill uses a similar concept and calls it Infinite Intelligence.

And it seems that without surrendering to this Higher Being nothing moves, nothing can be done. And also the ideas of Esther Hicks and ideas of many people and cultures and religious concepts seem to support, believe, that nothing can be done without God as humans understand God.

And I am struggling right now as I don’t feel like surrendering to a Higher Power, the steps 2 and 3 in Twelve Steps programs. But somehow it seems to be the only option as I can’t do it alone, can’t do it myself, whatever I am trying to achieve. And of course I can do things myself, like I created this site. But I can’t make it come alive like making people participating in building it, creating it. And I can’t make people read the stuff or use the tools I created. And I tried to force it as you can find in the site, but apparently that didn’t work. So somehow it needs the blessing and support of a Higher Power, like maybe anything we do needs.

So why did I call this post “Baby steps”? Well, it is one of the things of the Coda program, like when you are fully drained and exhausted you can just do some very little thing, just to get going. Also a concept I found in many places and you can even find it it this site. So this baby step is just creating a small post to let myself and you know that Inspiration for Success is still alive, that I didn’t forget it and still persist in making it work. But I know now I can only do that with the blessing and support of my Higher Power; and/or Infinite Intelligence or whatever name you have for that what is bigger than us, humans.