I feel stuck again. And so many things to do. And so little time. And strange, as in a way I have time enough as I still didn’t find a stable job or stable other work. And yes, the Universe is somehow giving me chances, somehow gives me opportunities, is somehow helping me.
And I know some things I wanted to do today. And I will still do them. But somehow I feel very dissatisfied as my life is not how I want it to be. And yeah, maybe that is something related to my controlling nature, or my controlling attitude.
And I was just thinking that it all seems to boil down to that I don’t know what to do, don’t know how to make a plan to achieve the main goals in my life. And those two main goals are having a healthy and loving relationship with Lee and being rich. And somehow I know the being rich has to do with freedom, freedom I need or something. And also somehow those goals never really changed.
And looking back I reached many goals, maybe all of the goals I had in mind while I was young. But then why do I feel so unsatisfied right now, and the last few years?
It seems all boiling down to not having a satisfying love life, as when I had that, or at least had the belief I had that, I was mainly okay. Or wasn’t I?
Ah, and why am I writing here? Well, mainly because I wanted to push myself a bit, making commitments in public. And yes, writing often helps me, but I believe it is better to write in public. Although maybe behind that is also my craving for being famous, for being known. And from a SEO perspective more text means more visitors, although that is not fully true anymore. Ah, and yes, that is why I wanted to add one or more photos or pictures here and in other pages. As Google likes pages with images as far as I know. Kind of stupid thinking, as in the end I just want to be known for being me; or for what I know.
And I just may have had an important hunch, as just before starting writing here I got the thought that I may want to check with everything I do if it is helping me towards my goals. And stretching that further, I may want to check if everything I plan is bringing me closer to my goals.
And while searching for my link to the page goals I noticed some other posts related to goals and planning:
- my goals and related planning;
- mini goals and planning DoctorsConnectbb;
- something goals and definite purpose;
- achieving goals;
- goals.
So maybe (re-)reading those pages would also give me some answers, as it seems I have written more about it. And the subject goals was also discussed in my last counseling session. As it seems for me achieving goals is kind of the main purpose of life, which of course it it not.
And I am stuck again now, as I want this post be useful for you for my reader(s). But in the end I guess I can only write for myself, and if anybody else thinks it is worth reading or can do something useful with it is up to him or her.
So some of the things I want to do today are:
- make some small changes in a client site, something I have postponed for too long;
- go to my Coda meeting;
- work on DoctorsConnect (and the Dutch version of DoctorsConnect);
- do some grass weeding;
- take a shower, dress up.
So do these activities contribute to my goals? Let’s make a list:
- making those changes to the client site contributes to my goal of being rich, as I believe I need to be more attentive to customers in order to earn or be recommended;
- the Coda meeting is kind of my life line, a way to stay sane, so yes, it contributes to my goals;
- working on DoctorsConnect and the Dutch version of DoctorsConnect contributes to my goals, as I want this project to be my road to being rich and famous;
- the grass weeding contributes to my goals as it gives me pleasure, distraction, and is helping me learning stopping;
- taking a shower and dressing up contributes to my goals as I believe being clean and dressed up properly will make me being taken more serious with people.
So it appears I am planning and/or doing the right things on the way to achieving my goals and dreams, one of my affirmations.
And enough for now, as I think I better start on those actions, even though I believe writing this here now also contributes to my goals, as it clears my mind and helps me think and many more things.