Tag Archives: Goals

Stuck again?

I feel stuck again. And so many things to do. And so little time. And strange, as in a way I have time enough as I still didn’t find a stable job or stable other work. And yes, the Universe is somehow giving me chances, somehow gives me opportunities, is somehow helping me.

And I know some things I wanted to do today. And I will still do them. But somehow I feel very dissatisfied as my life is not how I want it to be. And yeah, maybe that is something related to my controlling nature, or my controlling attitude.

And I was just thinking that it all seems to boil down to that I don’t know what to do, don’t know how to make a plan to achieve the main goals in my life. And those two main goals are having a healthy and loving relationship with Lee and being rich. And somehow I know the being rich has to do with freedom, freedom I need or something. And also somehow those goals never really changed.

And looking back I reached many goals, maybe all of the goals I had in mind while I was young. But then why do I feel so unsatisfied right now, and the last few years?

It seems all boiling down to not having a satisfying love life, as when I had that, or at least had the belief I had that, I was mainly okay. Or wasn’t I?

Ah, and why am I writing here? Well, mainly because I wanted to push myself a bit, making commitments in public. And yes, writing often helps me, but I believe it is better to write in public. Although maybe behind that is also my craving for being famous, for being known. And from a SEO perspective more text means more visitors, although that is not fully true anymore. Ah, and yes, that is why I wanted to add one or more photos or pictures here and in other pages. As Google likes pages with images as far as I know. Kind of stupid thinking, as in the end I just want to be known for being me; or for what I know.

And I just may have had an important hunch, as just before starting writing here I got the thought that I may want to check with everything I do if it is helping me towards my goals. And stretching that further, I may want to check if everything I plan is bringing me closer to my goals.

And while searching for my link to the page goals I noticed some other posts related to goals and planning:

So maybe (re-)reading those pages would also give me some answers, as it seems I have written more about it. And the subject goals was also discussed in my last counseling session. As it seems for me achieving goals is kind of the main purpose of life, which of course it it not.

And I am stuck again now, as I want this post be useful for you for my reader(s). But in the end I guess I can only write for myself, and if anybody else thinks it is worth reading or can do something useful with it is up to him or her.

So some of the things I want to do today are:

  1. make some small changes in a client site, something I have postponed for too long;
  2. go to my Coda meeting;
  3. work on DoctorsConnect (and the Dutch version of DoctorsConnect);
  4. do some grass weeding;
  5. take a shower, dress up.

So do these activities contribute to my goals? Let’s make a list:

  1. making those changes to the client site contributes to my goal of being rich, as I believe I need to be more attentive to customers in order to earn or be recommended;
  2. the Coda meeting is kind of my life line, a way to stay sane, so yes, it contributes to my goals;
  3. working on DoctorsConnect and the Dutch version of DoctorsConnect contributes to my goals, as I want this project to be my road to being rich and famous;
  4. the grass weeding contributes to my goals as it gives me pleasure, distraction, and is helping me learning stopping;
  5. taking a shower and dressing up contributes to my goals as I believe being clean and dressed up properly will make me being taken more serious with people.

So it appears I am planning and/or doing the right things on the way to achieving my goals and dreams, one of my affirmations.

And enough for now, as I think I better start on those actions, even though I believe writing this here now also contributes to my goals, as it clears my mind and helps me think and many more things.

My goals and related planning

A better way to plan

I am still looking for a better way to plan. Or maybe for a better way to reach my goals. And that is why I started the page planning. And I want to keep that a page, but I just realized that you may want to comment on what I am writing. And my pages don’t allow for comments. So I decided to create a related post. This one. And this one will also help me do my daily planning. And think about my goals and set them, organize them.

And my main concern is that I don’t know how to reach my long term goals, especially making DoctorsConnect work. But I also have another concern and that is that I don’t plan my days properly, that I keep doing things without stopping, without relaxing and yes, without proper planning.

So I have the idea of doing something like daily planning and something like long term planning. And I am hesitant with something like daily goals, as I often have the feeling I don’t have time enough, that things take much more time than I expect (or plan).

And I have the idea that I need to split up DoctorsConnect in smaller goals, but until now I don’t really have any idea how to do that. Or actually I have, as I did make plans, but they didn’t work out until now. And Napoleon Hill states that that means that I need to create better plans, but I don’t know how to do that, as I believe I need people to help me with that. And that has just been my main problem: no people, no people helping me and no clients.

And last night and just now I am trapped again in doing something, continuing something without real planning. Maybe first thing is to just accept I am doing it, not being annoyed or angry with myself.

Goals and plans for January 10, 2017

So what did I actually plan for now or tonight? Well, let me just write it down:

  • Work at least one session of one hour on DoctorsConnect.
  • Cook my dinner and eat.
  • Do my daily SFI tasks.
  • Watch a movie or something.
  • And many more things…

And the last just doesn’t work it seems, as what I wrote is already a lot. Ah, I also wanted to work on the Bohol Plaza site. I just need to change a few things there, maybe one or two hours work, and I have been postponing that for weeks now I think. And I wanted to write down some agreements for a customer. And I want to call with a friend, something I also have been postponing for days now.

So everything I want just doesn’t fit in the time allocated for it it seems. So better relax with that is what I am learning.

Goals and plans for today, January 11, 2017

No goals set yet, but I want to start my day with weeding the grass, as that helps me going. Or yes, maybe that is still an escape. I found a way to limit that by doing it for a maximum of one hour, setting an alarm to help me stop my ‘do, do, do’.

And I want to work on the Bohol Plaza site as I was not able to do that yesterday. And yes, I also feel like doing it, so it is an okay thing to do today.

I also want to work at least one session of one hour on DoctorsConnect.

And I realize my goal for today, or maybe even for every day, is feeling satisfied with what I did today.

And I just realize I can also set an hour ‘to do just what I want’, without anything specific in mind. So I did. And right now I just want to share this LOL.

And I want to work on Bohol Plaza and DoctorsConnect, but I realized there are a lot of errands in my mind, like working on this page, doing some bank things, maybe clean a bit, and, well, many of those little things. So I decided to just reserve one hour for that right now, setting the alarm right now.

And just working in my usual chaotic way right now. But at least now it is planned, so I won’t be caught up in it for more than about an hour. And I know what to do next. And right now I am still thinking about making a list of all the things I want to do. But that kind of list scares me a bit, as working from a list like that didn’t work for me in the past. But maybe things have changed. Maybe I can just make a list without any goals or plans or whatever attached to it. So I won’t ‘ have to’  do it. It would just be a list.

My end of the day was not so good, kind of chaotic, up to now. I was not able to keep my one hour schedule, like creating new one hours during the evening. Maybe just be gentle with myself now and tell myself tomorrow is another day.

January 12, 2017

Today started pretty bad, as I woke up late, mainly because I could not sleep last night. And the day went chaotic (also), as I did not really make one hour plans, at least not at the beginning of my day. The reason for that was pretty obvious though, as I just had a meeting at 1.30 pm and did some errands before and after that.

When I got home I just went to the garden to do some Bermuda weeding, and yes, I did set the alarm for one hour to do that. After that one hour I wanted to finish some area and found a new way of extending my schedule: just set the alarm again for one hour, even for the same task, for the same thing I am/was doing.

Then it got dark and I didn’t feel like continuing, even though the hour had not passed. That made me decide to take a shower, so I kind of included that in the last one hour.

Right now I feel encouraged again with my ‘one hour at the time’ scheduling after feeling so discouraged last night. As usual I just need to realize that I need to be, and can be, gentle with myself, something I am not really good at, calling myself codependent. And yes, even now I set the alarm for one hour, just to keep forcing myself to stop regularly, relax regularly, as that is what I want to, probably even need to learn.

January 16, 2017

And as you may see above I was not really able to continue what I was doing, like setting hourly and daily plans and write about it, write it down here. I did make some progress though I think, as I am trying to be easier on myself if I don’t do the things I want to do or think I should do.

January 17, 2017

And yesterday and today ended fully different than I expected as there was very bad weather in Cagayan de Oro City, so I could not go to my meeting and decided to stay in the city until late last night, as there was probably no electricity in the house. And indeed there wasn’t as electricity came back only about an hour ago, around 8 pm in the evening, so my whole day was kind of lost related to work and anything one needs electricity for; and that is a lot.

So one can only plan so much, as one is not in control of the weather or even the electricity.

One month goal(s)

I decided to set some one month goal, as my trip in 2016 was one month and that went perfect. Not sure what that goal or those goals would be yet. And today is January 11, 2017, so I need to set some kind of goal for February 11, 2017.

Intermediate goal(s)

I just realized that my goal for the grass in the garden to be fully Bermuda grass is like in two years time, so let me set that at January 11, 2019.

Long term goals, definite purpose

And my long term goals are:

  • Restore my relationship, yes, in a better way. I have written down even how I want it.
  • Become rich through the ideas of Think and Grow Rich. And I believe now DoctorsConnect could be the way to that.

And the last two things are basically what I want, are basically what I made my definite purpose. If I manage that in the way I wrote it down in my Desire Document, together with some smaller things I want, but not really set as written down goals, my life has been a success.

So to do better planning, a way of planning that suits me, I have been thinking to make something like a goal for a month, like I did in my recent trip. As that one month thing seems to have worked very well for me. It was manageable in time and actions. So let’s go from there and see if I can define something for the common month to do; or to achieve?

And right now I really need to stop, as I feel trapped again in my ‘do, do, do’.

My trip in 2016

At the end of 2016 I made a trip, a four week trip, and while writing it is still 2016, only two weeks or so after I returned from my trip. And I wrote several posts already about this trip, but I wanted to add a post about the journey I made, the places I visited, the route I followed, so I am starting that now here.

And I am not fully sure when I started my trip, but as far as I remember it was November 16, 2016, a Thursday if I remember well. And of course I can check that date, as there must be messages or photos or whatever relating to that date, or the days after. And it was weird how this trip started, as at first it was a long time suggestion of my (ex-)partner. And no, I still don’t know if he is my ex or if he is still my partner. He says he is not, but somehow we are still related, still connected. He is even still here, even though I asked him to stay away from me, from here, as I wanted to recover from the loss, from him leaving me.

But that is another story and I don’t really want to write about that here now, or maybe not even at all, although that may be also good. As I have learned that sharing helps, sharing anything, can even inspire other people, no matter how weird or sad or bad the story is.

Anyhow, so I left on I think November 16, 2016, and yes, it was my own choice. And at the time I was kind of running away, away from home, away from Malasag, away from my obligations, away from the dogs, away from everything. And yes, looking back I needed it, looking back my (ex-)partner was right, I really needed a break, away from everything, as I had been stuck for quite a while, actually a very long time, in Malasag, in my home, The Malasag House.

And it was hard leaving, as I did not know whether I could trust my (ex-)partner with everything, as he had offered to take care of everything while I would be away. I did not know if I could trust him with the house, the stuff inside, the dogs, everything. But somehow I knew I needed to get away, get out, to “find myself” as my (ex-)partner called what he suggested I would do. So finally I did.

And right now I planned to make an overview of my trip, like a summary of the route I took, the places I visited:

  1. First photo during my tripMy first stop was Butuan, where I changed bus. And it was a stop, as I had a nice conversation with one of the shop keepers. I don’t recall his name now, but maybe I will later. Actually my first good experience, as I had many, many good experiences during my trip.
  2. My second stop was Maasin, where I had planned to stay, as someone I knew who I wanted to visit had not replied. And here the first miracle happened, as just when I was about to tell the conductor I wanted to continue to Ormoc, the destination of the bus, I received a text from my friend that he would like me to visit him. So I got off the bus in Maasin.
  3. After getting off the bus in Maasin I realized I was already too far, quite a bit too far, as my friend lives in Sogod, a municipality about one and a half hour away by public transport from Maasin. As I really wanted to see him I decided to go back, back to Sogod.
  4. Sogod was my first real stop, the first place where I felt safe and comfortable after kind of running away from home, from Malasag. Bus terminal SogodAnd I forgot how long I stayed. I think it was three nights. And it was good being with a friend, being with a family, being with people that felt good, that I trusted, even though I barely knew them. So yes, there are people everywhere where a human being can stay, no matter what. I was very grateful staying there, even though they were very poor, so I even had to sleep on a bed without a mattress, but I felt safe and comfortable and taken care of.
  5. After Sogod I left for Legazpi, my first real planned stop, as before leaving Malasag my first planned itinerary was go to Manila by bus, but make a stop over in Legazpi as I thought it was too long a trip to go to Manila in one setting. I also had never been in Legazpi, and while researching my trip I found it is a tourist destination, so it sounded like a good first stop. And it was.
  6. And again, several miracles happened, first just finding a hotel very easily and smoothly after being dropped off the bus in what looked like a very strange location, and after when leaving Legazpi, just getting a bus ticket and a bus by some hunch I got while waiting for my phone to charge.
  7. My next stop was Boracay. And getting there was really a crazy trip, but I loved it, even though I decided not to push through getting there through Masbate, a route that looked shorter, but also looked very adventurous and unsure. Reason to go there was that a friend of mine is working there and as we were never able to meet, due to budget constraints, I decided to go there. And doing it at this part of my trip was because he had planned to leave for Manila a few days o after, so we might have been able to travel together, as my next planned stop was still Manila. I also had never been to Boracay, and living in The Philippines for so long I really wanted to go there, even though I expected not to like it there. How wrong was I, as I really loved Boracay after arriving there, staying there for a few days.
  8. After my (first) stay in Boracay I finally went to what had been my first goal as a destination: Manila. I arrived there early morning waiting for a friend to wake up as I had asked him if I could go there and have breakfast as I was too early to check in in the hotel I booked. I stayed two nights in Manila before going to the main goal of this trip: Luzon, and then go to the most northern tip, which would be the farthest (north) I had planned to go on this trip.
  9. My next goal after Manila was Pagudpud, as I decided to first go to the farthest point and then slowly go down, visiting the Baguio/Sagada area, another goal of this trip as I have been living in The Philippines for a long time, but never went to that popular area. Unfortunately, or looking back maybe fortunately, there was no direct bus from Manila to Pagudpud at the time I had planned to leave, so I decided to go to Laoag instead, and go from there.
  10. So I think something like my first goal not reached, as I had planned to go to Pagudpud and not to Laoag.

    Saint William Cathedral Laoag.

    But it seemed God had planned something better for me than I had done, as I visited a Dutch friend that I knew from the internet and he toured me around Laoag for about the whole first day I was in Laoag.

  11. The next day I still went to Pagudpud on a day trip, so I did reach that goal also, although that day I did not reach my main destination of my trip: the northern tip of Luzon. Again, not reaching that goal was a lesson for me, and a deliberate choice, as I did not want to end up as I had ended up one day in Boracay: totally wet and with a broken umbrella.
  12. Then the next day I wanted to reach the Sagada area, preferably via the shortcut via Cervantes. And my target, my goal was Bontoc, a municipality somewhere in the middle of the Sagada area that seemed a good starting point for my next target, probably Baguio. And this was the second time I did not reach my goal for a day. Domog Village Inn Bistro and Café.As when I arrived in Cervantes there was no more transportation to Bontoc, so I ended up in Bauko. And again, not reaching my goal was not a bad thing as I ended up in a very nice inn, Domog Village Inn Bistro and Café. You can read more in the post Unexpected Baguio.
  13. The next day I indeed reached Bontoc, but basically only passed through as I had decided to make some kind of round trip in the Sagada area. So my next target was Banaue.
  14. And again, God changed my plan, as when arriving in Banaue I was not able to find immediate transportation to Baguio City. But that was a very positive experience, as it gave me the opportunity to roam around in Banaue for a few hours, enough for me to get the feel of a place before moving on. You can read more about my Sagada experience in my post about Laguna.
  15. After Banaue my plan was to go back to Manila, passing through Baguio. And the last was a big detour, but I wanted to be able to say I have been to Baguio as that is a very famous place in North Luzon. I ended up only staying five minutes on Baguio soil, as the van dropped me off at the bus station and a bus to Manila was already waiting. But at least I have been to Baguio LOL, so I don’t have to explain I went to North Luzon and did not visit Baguio.
  16. The trip from Banaue to Manila lasted much longer than I expected, so I arrived or would arrive in Manila somewhere in the (early) morning. As the friends I wanted to visit were not available I decided to skip Manila and continue to my next stop, Liliw, where a friend of mine is living I wanted to visit and already agreed with I could stay for one or more nights.
  17. After two or three nights in Liliw I decided to continue my journey and go to Boracay again as I had enjoyed Boracay so much. This meant going to Batangas again to probably cross over to Calapan, take a van again to Roxas or Bulalacao. So I did, traveled overnight from Liliw to Boracay through San Pablo, Batangas, CalapanRoxas and Caticlan (of course).
  18. I think I spent two nights in Boracay again and it was indeed a similar experience as the first time. I enjoyed very much being a tourist again in a place focused on tourism. My last night was kind of weird, a prayer being answered in a way nobody could have ever imagined. I still don’t understand how that was organized.
  19. I left Boracay early morning towards my next stop: Iloilo City, where I was planning to meet a friend, which I did. I only stayed one night and the morning and around noon I left for my next stop: Bacolod, where I was hoping to meet a friend.
  20. As my friend did not respond I decided to continue to basically my last destination: Dumaguete, a city I know pretty well as I have been there many times.

And right now I feel like I have to stop writing here, as it just doesn’t feel good anymore, but of course I will continue the description of my itinerary later. Actually I was writing about planning. And planning, good planning, happy planning, relates to this trip, so that is why I (also) wanted to write about this trip. As I reached all my goals, or virtually all my goals during this trip, and I wanted to know how I did that, as in real life things seem to be so hard and impossible, where during this trip everything went smooth, even though often I was still scared and anxious, especially when I thought of my next destination, how I would get there and if there would be a place to sleep, a place to stay. And amazingly, or maybe not so amazing, there was always a place to stay, always a place to sleep, always transportation. And there were always people, helpful people. And even more amazing, none of my fears came true, literally none. Or maybe one or two did, but solutions were available, and the found solutions for the fears that came true were even better or at least as good as my original goal or plan.

So yes, this trip was (also) about fear, about conquering my fears. And as said NONE of those fears became reality in a way that was scary or something. NONE.

Unexpected Baguio

So I wanted to travel the unusual road and I did. And more and more miracles seem to come my way as I ended up in the weirdest place I could have ever imagined. And I probably won’t even see Baguio City itself as I just figured out it would take too much time to pass by there from here

Domog Village Inn Bistro and Café.
Domog Village Inn Bistro and Café

So where is here? Here is Domog Village Inn Bistro and Café, an establishment just outside Bauko on the road to Bontoc. And why weird? Well, life seems to stop here at six pm. And I did not really know what to expect, but not a place and a road so quiet as this, especially not on an area I considered a tourist area.

Bauko to Bontoc road.
The road that is quiet after 6 pm

And again kind of a placeholder to be continued, but I want to catch the moment.

Fundamentals of leadership

Somehow I started reading in the book “The Leader Who Had No Title” from Robin Sharma, even though I don’t like it so much. And I was not really into doing something, just wanted to relax, and didn’t really know what to do, so I just opened the book and started reading. And again, I don’t like how the book is written, the style, but somehow I kept reading and the content of the book is good, that is what I know, as I read most of the book before. And as before I started at the beginning, and started getting a bit bored, a bit annoyed with the style of writing, this time I decided to start pretty much at the end, as I presumed that was a part had not read before.

And the content was quite interesting, kind of linked to things I am currently doing, linked to spirituality, so I kept reading for a while. And while reading I was kind of struck by the “Seven Fundamentals of Leadership” as stated, even so much that it inspired me to write about it, share it here. Maybe just because I like lists, like the Principles of Success :).

And I have no clue what to write about them, but here they are:

  1. Learning.
  2. Affirmations.
  3. Visualization.
  4. Journaling.
  5. Goal setting.
  6. Exercise.
  7. Nutrition.

Ah, and now I remember why I wanted to share, as especially ‘affirmations‘ and ‘visualization’ are things I can related to, especially affirmations, as I started doing affirmations quite recently. And somehow having a list of (positive) affirmations seems to work, even though I have not been that serious with them the last few days, the last week.

Mmm, and I am not sure how to continue now, as I don’t have much more to say about this. Maybe that it also struck me that what I read today also had strong relations with the ideas of Napoleon Hill, the author of Think and Grow Rich, the book that was the foundation for this site. Like our life is the result of our thinking, is the result of how we think. And that we can influence the way how we think. But that is another story and can be found elsewhere, probably better in other sites than in this site.