Powerless, or something

Mmm, I should keep it to myself, but I don’t feel like writing right now. So how do other bloggers deal with that? I mean, if you have committed yourself to write regularly, whether it is like every day like me or once a week doesn’t matter, but what do you do when you don’t feel like it?

But then again, maybe this is just the circle I am in. As I still see the traffic to this site go down, which it has been doing for the last month or so. And that doesn’t motivate to write or do anything, unless of course you just write because you like to write, which is what I understood another blogger does. Or maybe most bloggers.

So why am I writing anyhow is of course a good question. And I guess the first answer is still that it taught me discipline. As it has only a few times that I skipped writing, which in the end of course makes me feel good, makes me feel proud. But the second answer is still also kind of that I want(ed?) to share the ideas of Napoleon Hill with the world. And that I wanted to connect ‘inspirors’ with people needing or wanting inspiration. And the last I still want. And yes, of course I still also want recognition, recognition for my efforts, including the effort of writing every day. And the last is now kind of a hindrance, as traffic going down doesn’t really feel like being recognized, even though there could be various reasons for that. And yes, I know there are ways to boost my blog, a blog like this, but I am also still very hesitant about ‘marketing’ my site in certain ways, as somehow ‘sales’ still feels bad to me.

Anyhow, I started this blog with a title related to power. And I felt very powerless tonight in a phone call with my mam, as I felt blackmailed by her and I didn’t want to give in to the emotional blackmail she used as I thought that was not healthy. In the end I still kind of did, which indeed also makes me feel a bit bad. And that’s the hard part, as who would believe that a mother would blackmail her son. And if so, who would want a son to write about it, bring it in the open. And who would be interested in it anyhow. But I think it’s an important issue, as somehow ‘good behavior’ as I have learned is not ‘good’. Yes, honor thy parents, but should you still do that if e.g. your dad abuses you sexually? And in this case, if my mam uses emotional blackmail, should I still give in to her because she is my mam and ‘mam’s don’t do things like that’?

Ah, and yes, I am still tired. And I feel like I have a good subject here, but I also feel I need sleep.

So maybe you will forgive me for not writing further, not finishing this post. And of course I forgive my mam, even though I don’t even feel she did anything wrong to me. I think she merely did it to herself.

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