Ruled by emotions

Well, again, this morning i found out that one of my biggest weaknesses seems to be that when I feel down I kind of completely stop, literally completely stop. And that doesn’t feel like leadership, like being a leader. It doesn’t feel like being on the road to success, to the success I’m looking for.

While thinking I realized though that I really felt hurt from something that happened last night. So somehow I thought that maybe I should put attention to that, even though I considered that was an excuse for doing nothing, for being lazy. But I’m not lazy, I just felt hurt and didn’t understand why my partner was so angry with me last night. I had put quite some effort in a project of ours and he just got angry, told me I had done the wrong thing.

And this made me think further, because it seems most people don’t seem to appreciate what I’m doing, not even friends as they don’t really visit me, not customers, as they often have complaints, not previous bosses and employers as in the end often they asked me to resign and I was even fired in a bad way once. So I was thinking what’s the weakness behind and what to do: I work hard, do many things, but somehow it’s not being appreciated by others. So it must have something to do with me, must be some weakness. And it brings nobody anywhere, not me and also not my customers, friends, partner and maybe others.

So again, doing nothing, just thinking, waiting for some inspiration what to do didn’t really feel like an excuse, even though I feel guilty about those periods that I often have.

So mostly I start reading again in Think and Grow Rich or other books and papers I have around me to inspire me and the one that describes my definite purpose. Mostly I just open the book, relying on Infinite Intelligence to give me the right input, the right advice. So today I first ended up in the part about leadership, which I guess was the right part, because there is something there that you should be able to control yourself to be a good leader. Question arises if you would need a leader to achieve success. And do I or you want to be a leader? And is leadership a requirement for success?

Then, with my feeling of doing the wrong things as people don’t seem to be happy with what I’m doing I ended up with the story of the Chinese in the US who said the most noticeable characteristic of Americans is that their eyes are slant. And indeed, this also goes back to what I was struggling with: what seems so natural and good to do for me doesn’t seem to be so for other people. So the sentence “We refuse to believe that which we do not understand. We foolishly believe that our own imitations are the proper measure of limitations” is sticking in my mind right now as that seems to be exactly what I’m struggling with.

And, while reading a bit more also, the whole thing brought me back to:

  • I don’t feel desire at the moment, so how can I get anywhere as indeed, I believe desire is the driver of everything.
  • I don’t have a proper planning in place to deal with the things I’m writing in this post, so I’ll work on my sample plan.
  • I lost a lot of time taking no action, although wrong actions don’t make much sense also. Still, there are a lot of things on my list i could do anyhow, no matter how I feel, so I guess with those things it is indeed procrastination and laziness.

So what’s the inspiration I want to give you related to the above. I guess to check your weaknesses and make some planning on how to deal with them.

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