Something changed, somehow. And I’m not fully sure if it will bring me happiness, but probably (some) success. As today I was sick and somehow still went to work and finished my daily to-do list. And even some more things. So somehow the habit I developed related to planning and discipline seems to be very strong.
And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t even force myself. On the contrary actually, as I took quite some breaks and at a certain moment just stopped. And at a certain moment I even felt like I had a lot of time left today, kind of unusual, as normally I often feel I don’t have time enough on a day, even if I didn’t plan so many things, like also today.
And no, I was not really ill, as to have to stay in bed, but just have a cold or something. So I could do the things I had planned for today. And the strange thing is that after Friday, when I missed my planning, which was a big deal for me, I missed another item on my planning on Saturday. A small item, that I kind of did half, but nonetheless, I missed it. And it worried me a bit, but somehow when I found out and also today I feel that I have a lot more confidence, confidence that I won’t let go anymore of this system of planning and discipline.
And even more strange is that today I even improved my planning further, like putting my pile of papers in a folder, where I was amazed that I finished my little goals that I had planned for June 14, 2014 or so already finished.
And no, I am still not really happy, there are still some major things in my life that I would like to see changed before I can feel really happy (again). But somehow these things I learned over the last one and a half year make that I feel that I have more control over my life. And yes, that even gave me some more happiness today.
But I think the main thing I gained was a lot of self confidence. And that was probably the main thing lacking in my life.
And don’t forget these things didn’t come easy. It all started with the deepest down in my life and from there started with ‘just’ making the bed. But the last I did every day, ever since. And that’s what me often keeps me going if I am down. So
please start small.