Tag Archives: Big things

From blame to healing

I just realized that I have gone from blame to healing. Instead of blaming everything and everyone I am now listening to meditation tapes and it seems they have indeed changed my mindset, my attitude into a more positive one, like looking for healing within me, looking for the wounds inside and trying to find healing for them.

Healing

Just wanted to share this. Not sure what else to write now.

So change is possible.

God and Gratitude and Success

For quite a while I want to start writing here, but I couldn’t find the power (strength?) for it. I guess the main reason was and is that I am, or at least feel, completely unsuccessful. Actually my situation got worse, at least financially, at least that is how it feels. And no, I am not fully sure, as I still have quite a lot of capital invested, e.g. in The Malasag House. And I am or was still not able to get enough or more clients, and my dog training start up appears to not have been successful also. I thought finally God gave me something that worked, that I could put myself into and be successful with, but no.

And even money was stolen from my Savings Box, finally even the whole box was gone. I still don’t know exactly was the message of that. Yes, be careful with money, keep it safe and guarded. I now remember Napoleon Hill wrote something about that in Think and Grow Rich, that people do anything for money. So apparently they do. And to me it was not even money, it was just a symbol how you can create a lot over time from virtually nothing. But apparently it was not ‘nothing’ anymore. And of course it was ‘money’ for other people. And yes, of course also for me, as I wanted to use the money to buy a new Rottweiler.

So what made me write today? Well, I guess the progress I made through my Twelve Step Program, the results from that even. And somehow it seems to all go back to Infinite Intelligence and ‘go with the flow’. And a main keyword seems to be gratitude, be grateful.

I guess it all started to be more positive when I got a Rottweiler for free last week; yes, for free. And the strange thing is that I prayed for that ‘a Rottweiler for free’. And I lost my belief in God, the God from the bible, long time ago, but recently I started praying, started praying again, yes, somehow to that God. And amazingly last week I got a Rottweiler for free. (Of course) there was some kind of catch, but nonetheless, who gets a Rottweiler for free? And I am not even sure if I asked for it or told anybody related to Arf, the Rottweiler I got. So it was really a miracle, a Rottweiler offered to me.

Another thing I started more serious with recently was keeping a gratitude diary. I did that before, but this time I decided to write five things I am grateful for every day in a diary every night before I go to sleep. It was a suggestion from my sponsor and at first I was very skeptical and hesitant, but she kept insisting ‘just do it’, so somehow I did it, no, not believing at first.

But somehow it started to work and I have indeed no clue how. Somehow I started becoming more grateful for things even during daytime, no matter what ‘bad’ things are happening to me, with me. And against what I was expecting, like that I was forcing it, I can really be grateful for almost anything, in any circumstance. As I am starting to see there are always things I can be grateful for. Like even things that I was able to just eat or that I still live in a beautiful house (even though I can’t really afford it at the moment and it is kind of falling apart due to lack of maintenance). But the house is still there and the view is still beautiful, even one of the most beautiful views in the world, and it is just a functioning house, no matter the state of maintenance.

Or that I can still buy snacks in the city, just a drink or a candy bar or something. Or just go to McDonalds and treat myself eating out, not cooking myself. Or indeed things that I can still breathe; and that the air I breathe is free. And I don’t mean the last one as corny, I can really feel that, mean that.

And amazingly, apparently linked to being more grateful (instead of complaining), more good things seem to come to me. Like I was introduced to some religious fellowship and there is just food available, food for free. And I don’t mean to take advantage of that, but financially I am very tight, so I just accept it as, indeed, a gift of God, not a gift from people. And of course I hope one day I can do for other people what people are doing for me right now, but it doesn’t feel like abuse or something to me right now, where before it would.

So praying and being grateful somehow seem to work. And no, don’t ask me how, but apparently it does. I guess I am just more open to everything, to the Universe (or God) working in ways I don’t understand, never could imagine. And that is something I also learned from my Twelve Step Program, something like ‘it works’ (or it doesn’t). I don’t need to understand why something is working or not working. I can just accept it, also accepting I don’t know everything, don’t have all the answers, something that was, and kind of still is, very difficult for me to accept, as I don’t understand it. And my analytical mind wants to understand everything, control everything. But indeed, somehow we are not in control, somehow there is a God, or an Infinite Intelligence, that is working in different ways than I as a human can understand.

So yes, I want to suggest to start to be grateful, start trying to find (five) things to be grateful for every day and write them down. And start praying, praying to whatever Higher Power makes sense to you, whatever Higher Power you can somehow find some belief in if you don’t believe in God or something.

As that is what I am learning, seeing and believing more and more. That there must be something bigger than what we humans are. There must be, as there are things outside of us out of our control.

Inspiration and excitement

I am still not in the mood of writing here, writing for Inspiration for Success, which I did much more enthusiastically a while ago. And I have the feeling that the reason is that it seems there is no progress, but there may be something more going on. As somehow I lost my lust for life, somewhere, long time ago, and without that it seems you can’t do anything.

And yes, I have been trying, and trying, and trying. And doing of course, like e.g. it is not nothing what I have produced with Inspiration for Success. And many other things I have done and produced and persisted, trying to ‘make it work’. But somehow it never works.

So there must be something else and I am getting more and more sure that it is all about mindset, about lust for life, not about what I do or what I want but HOW I do it.

So how to change that if you don’t know how?

Power of habit

Today I experienced the power of habit, as even though I have not planned very much with my daily planning, somehow I started last week again and for today I wrote quite some items, many more than I usually do lately.

And as I am still in a very down, depressed mood, I couldn’t really get going also today. But somehow the things I wanted to do in the city went much faster and better than I expected. And somehow I finished all of the items except one. And the last one was something like visiting a doctor, not even specified as a mandatory item as far as I remember now.

But somehow I had time and somehow I remembered the item. So somehow I decided to visit the hospital of one of our users. And the secretary was still there. And somehow I was in sales mood, something I already decided last week, focusing on marketing and sales and not on development.

And there was one other doctor I wanted to visit in that hospital. And somehow he was available. And somehow God allowed me to squeeze in and meet him shortly.

And all of this would not have happened if I hadn’t known all the self help and personal development stuff. And train myself with some habits.

Self analysis, question 25

My deskI was just thinking I have a smartphone now so I can make photo’s, something I longed for for quite a while as before I regularly wrote posts where I would want to add photo’s about things I was writing about, like the view or the house or the surroundings or the water system. But since I have a camera (through this smartphone) I didn’t see any need for posting photo’s with any of the articles. Strange isn’t it? So even now I wouldn’t know what would be an appropriate photo for this article as I am still working my way through the self analysis questions, but who knows where this article goes, so maybe I’ll add something. And if not I am quite sure in the future there will be many occasions where I could add photo’s. Or maybe just make a photo of my desk right now?

And strange to see how technology evolves, as I installed Dropbox on my smartphone and allowed it to put photo’s I am making straight ‘in the cloud’. So while writing my photo’s are being copied from my smartphone to the internet to my computer, so they go a long way while the devices are just next to each other. And that makes me think about distance as recently I saw some shows on TV about the Universe. And the Universe is huge, meaning reaching anything even with the space of light is still very slow, where for humans the speed of light is unimaginably fast. So yes, in a way the distance my photo’s just traveled are very small compared to the size of the Universe, almost the same as the distance between my smartphone and my computer. Where to me the distance the photo’s traveled is enormous, as they probably traveled out of the country and back into the country, maybe even through the United States, which is fifteen thousand kilometers away.

Anyhow, that is not what I wanted to write about as I wanted to write about “Do you have a definite major purpose, and if so, what is it, and what plan have you for achieving it?”. And while reading this question I can straight away see a relation with the photo of my desk, as you may see that there are some photo’s around my desk that represent things I want to achieve. And on the window on the other side, the direction I am looking at, there are more photo’s and they are all related to my definite purpose or things I want to achieve.

So yes, I do have a definite major purpose and until now I decided to keep it to myself as I consider it something private, even though some friends may be able to guess what it is. And maybe you are able to guess what it is or could be as sometimes I make some statements about it in this site. And strange, as I always think I don’t have a plan how to achieve it, but somehow I have as there are things written in my definite purpose document I always relate to, so somehow my definite purpose is slowly being cut up in smaller peaces that are more easy to handle.

And funny, looking at the photo, as Iwa is sitting on the chair in front of them and she is the one I was thinking about when thinking about making photos with my smartphone and posting them in this site or my Dutch blog. So again, the subconscious mind or Infinite Intelligence seems to be at work here, tonight.

So what is my definite purpose about? Well, simple, about love, romantic love. And about sharing that in the world. And in order to achieve that I need money and fame. And I also found out that I just want to be rich, really rich and enjoy that. So somehow I also fitted that in. And somehow also things like giving are part of it, and being patient.

And yes, the strange thing is that since I started with that document, wrote the initial version and later refined it, somehow I am living it, somehow I am getting closer to my goals, to my definite purpose. And while writing this is that somehow Infinite Intelligence is helping me and answering one of my desires in my desire document. As one of my requests to Infinite Intelligence in that document is to help me with planning, as I consider planning one of my weaknesses.

So again, while writing this article I see my desire document unfold, come to life.

God is great! Thank you, Lord.