Tag Archives: Stubborn


Someone shared this in Facebook and being a Taurus I like it ☺.


Self analysis, question 10

Well, the question “Are you envious of those who excel you?” sounds like a full yes for me, although I am not fully sure now if I understand the question correctly as I am especially envious of people who are more famous or richer than I am. Or maybe better stated, I am envious of those who are more successful than I am.

And thinking a bit further I am especially envious of the people who have better social skills, people skills than I have, and as far as I may believe others that would be the majority of the people.

And while writing this I realize it is less simple than my perception, than what I see. As there are probably people who are envious of me, who think I excel them. And I know I am more intelligent than average, so I guess people would be or could be envious of that. And I still live in a very big house, so I am pretty sure many people are envious of that, although that has nothing to do with excelling.

And in my mind is something that I read (again) recently, that we humans tend to compare our inner self, how we see ourselves, with the outside of other people. Which means that we don’t see how other people actually feel or where they actually stand.

And well, if I have to be open I guess I should write about some people I am really envious of excelling me and the first is my ex-partner. As what I see and know is that he has a much more ‘normal’ life than I have after we separated. And he is doing the things, yes, now with his new partner, we were supposed to do together. So from the outside he has everything I thought I would have, everything I dreamed of. So yes, I am very jealous and I feel very, well, humiliated that I, who is the more intelligent and ‘better’ person fell down so deep where he is doing pretty well. And I am very ashamed towards him, that I didn’t manage to build a decent life and he did. And that goes so far that I am scared of him, don’t dare to meet him anymore. And I know I need to do something with that, as I guess we are both human and both did the best we could.

And that brings me to the fact that I feel so down, that I don’t understand why I ‘didn’t make it’, or didn’t make it yet. Maybe that makes me feel so ashamed, something like that I have some kind of flaw that makes me a failure.

And yes, where I am now, where I went over the last eight years or so, made me also very humble, as I did what I could and it just wasn’t enough. So there must be more going on than what I do or what I know, as if anybody deserved success it would be me, at least if it depended on hard work and persistence.

So maybe that is what I had to learn, that no matter who you are and no matter what you do, you can still go down in a way you could have never imagined, that you could break all of your rules as circumstances or something are stronger than you.

And I know this goes against the Principles of Success, but I have no other explanation except that there are powers beyond my knowledge, beyond my control, that can make or break things. And yes, I know I have been stubborn and maybe I still am, but no one would understand how I could go down so deep and so quick, or maybe in such a hidden way.

So maybe there is something like ‘luck’, although I still want to prove otherwise, as I still don’t know how to get out of this mess, except pushing through with the things I started. And running away also doesn’t help, didn’t help, so that is no real option for me anymore.

And no clear answer or something, but good I wrote this down.


I am on holiday and that makes me think more and more whether I should insist, read ‘force myself’, to keep writing every day in periods like this. As I guess everybody needs a holiday every now and then free from everything. But somehow I also want to stick to my decision to write every day here, as somehow that is what I have decided. And according to Napoleon Hill some kind of stubbornness is better than, well, whatever. So yes, I am kind of stubborn here, forcing myself to write every day, send a quote every day, where somehow everything seems to be against it, including the Universe, including Infinite Intelligence.

And yes, I know there is fear behind, the fear of letting go, the fear of not continuing here what I started, continuing writing about success, about my road to success. And part of it is discipline, something I am not good at, or at least was not good at. So I am scared to lose that discipline again, to lose the skill to start something and continuing it, finishing it.

But of course with a blog or a site like this there is no ‘finish’. And somehow, one day, I’ll have to stop writing or at least change something. At least as the last few months it is not really working what I am doing here, except proving to myself, well, that I am still stubborn.

So yes, maybe it is time to find some new way of doing this, continuing this website, this blog. But yes, I need to do it very careful, I need to be very careful to not find some kind of excuse to make changes to just let go what I started, just let go of the success of writing every day (except Sundays). As somehow that is helping me, has helped me to get on the road to success.

So let’s be careful, but let’s be open to guidance from The Universe, from Infinite Intelligence, to make this into a better, more useful venture.

Comments very welcome.