Responsibility and guilt

So yesterday I wrote about responsibility and faults. And yes, I started with inspiration and passion. That was even the name I gave the post. And another word that stayed with me since yesterday is guilt. So maybe the question is how to get from faults and guilt to responsibility and maybe from there to passion and inspiration. Or maybe how to go from negative to positive.

And somehow things people said to me in the past stick in my mind. Things like I have a negative life attitude, a negative outlook in life. Or I’m a negative person. And my partner is often annoyed with me because “I’m me”. And I know it’s not true, because if there is one person in the world looking for the good, for the positive, it’s me. So how come my environment, the people in my environment see me different, experience me different? And how do most people experience my partner as positive, as happy, where in private he is very demanding and blames me for everything that is wrong? And where I even experience him as abusive and a very angry person? And I think I am, or at least used to be, the responsible one (in the relationship). Or maybe not, as I gave in too much, way too much.

And one of the reasons why I am where I am is because I believe in the good. I believe that people deep down are all good. Which indeed is often not confirmed with what I experience from people, especially the last few years, mostly in business, but also in private matters. So what makes people ‘bad’ or ‘act bad’? And that reminds me of the movie The Kingdom, that indeed ends with the question “What would you tell your grandson if you were him?”. And yes, the most obvious answer is to tell him to kill all Americans, to look for revenge. But is that the answer?

And yes, I know that my answers of silence and not reacting and not retaliating and accepting and tolerating may not be the right answers either. As it has put me down, cost me a lot, financially as well as emotionally. And it doesn’t seem help to solve things. But that’s also still also how Jesus lived his life, a person who’s attitude I admire very much, although while writing this now I also remember the story where he attacks the traders and the priests in the temple. So he did not only say that if someone slaps your left cheek to turn your right cheek to him, which I think I often, maybe too often, do.

So how to continue here, as I want this site, this post to be useful. And again, I was told by someone that articles, that posts should answer questions, not ask them. And that’s how most ‘self help’ sites are built.That’s how I presume how most articles are written. But I don’t have the answers, I don’t have success yet, I am not successful yet. And yes, it’s so easy to tell people what to do if you are ‘there’ already. Thinks like persistence and stand up when you are defeated and such. And when you are ‘there’ it is also so easy to confirm the Principles of Success and things. And is it not true that there are many more people unsuccessful than successful? And is it not so that many people get rich at the cost of other people?

And yes, somehow I keep believing in The Principles of Success as described by Napoleon Hill, the ideas that were the foundation for this site. And I keep believing in what he states, that things that are not rooted in truth and justice cannot last. But looking around me I still see many things that are NOT rooted in truth and justice, so many companies and people being and getting greedy.

And it seems to pay off, as those people and companies have higher salaries and bigger cars and houses than me. And they do and can do the things I cannot do (anymore).

And yes, I am much stronger now, much stronger than ever before in my life. And I learned something like discipline. And I learned a bit how to plan. Two things that have been very hard for me most of my life. And I learned to react less emotional, I learned to postpone decisions, actions where before I often over reacted, reacted too soon. So yes, the ideas in Think and Grow Rich, the Principles of Success do seem to have value, a lot of value.

But no, I’m not happy and I miss a lot of things I used to have and I miss a lot that I know that could be, should be.

So time will tell if I will ‘get there’. And somehow I know I will.

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