It’s not good enough

I still suffer from something like “it’s not good enough”. But it seems I’m working on overcoming that, as today I told myself that some of the things that felt like not being good enough indeed were good enough. Maybe even better than anybody could expect. So I guess it was good enough, as again I did everything I planned for today, even fully finished my to do list, which is basically my planning. But I don’t want to talk about that more today, although when I started this site, this blog, I did research and also ended up in a site that deals with “I’m not good enough”: the site of Morty Lefkoe. And I did the ‘free’ belief elimination a long time ago and I thought it was pretty amazing, so I can certainly recommend that. And no, I didn’t add an affiliate code in the link, even though I think I have one somewhere. As that’s not how I want to receive.

So yes, slowly I am beginning to believe that I am good enough, that I am doing enough every day. And with all the little things I started I somehow made a lot of progress in being more self confident. And that’s what I wanted to share today, some of the little things I did over the last one and a half years, learned from all kinds of sites and books:

  • I make the bed every day. Yes, literally every day. And yes, I think I skipped once or twice because I was not at home or something, but even if I’m somewhere else I’ll still do it. And sometimes I do it late at night, not long before going to bed. But I will still do it. And looking back this must have been the basis for increased discipline. And it has learned me more about how habits work.
  • A second thing I started some time ago was putting one peso (PHP) in a small container. And to not let me or someone else use it when not really necessary I put a small note in it, on top of the coins saying “Please do not touch until the right time”. And the strange thing is that I started this when I had virtually no money at all. And another strange thing is that I never used it, even though sometimes it’s tempting to just get some change or something. Even more strange is that this small container is overflowing right now, so I’ll have to look for a bigger container, and that where I somehow over time decided to put ten pesos every day instead of one peso. So maybe the right time will never come, although today I used my container with coins to explain something to someone who said he couldn’t do something because he had no money.
  • A third thing I did, also quite some time ago, was to stick to decisions. And I started with small ones, small ones like “Shall I get gasoline at the next gasoline station or do it tomorrow or do it before going home or doing it right now or…”, because I was always scared of not having enough gasoline. As those type of decisions took an awful lot of deliberation and energy which seemed kind of crazy to me as they were just something like ‘non decisions’, completely unimportant, but they took me a lot of energy and time. So I started just making decisions like “I’ll do it tomorrow”, or “I’ll do it at that and that gasoline station” or “I’ll do it at the very first opportunity. And I stuck to them. And you know what? Driving got much more relaxed and I never stood without gasoline, even though sometimes my home felt like very far away with the gasoline I decided not to get.
  • And another thing I started to do was making a daily planning, a to do list for one day, sometimes two. And sticking to it, finishing it, no matter what. And that was a big challenge for me, as I used to plan too many things on one day and also at the time I was emotionally very unstable, often leaving me paralyzed, not being able to do anything, literally anything. And the major thing starting it was to just put some very small things on it I was sure I could finish. Sometimes even something like ‘making the bed’ or ‘reading my e-mail’, nothing more. But that was exactly what I wanted to learn: finishing my planning, my to do list.

And of course there are many things on my mind right now, but two thing stand out. The first thing is that I learned to be much more careful with what I planned and how I phrased it. So with my to do list I often state something like ‘maybe do this’ or ‘maybe do that’, especially if it relates to things I need other people for. And the second thing is that I learned that I can really finish the things I planned, the things I decided to do. And it does not matter how small I started with like planning only one day and later a few days ahead. As today I started planning two weeks ahead, for the first time.

So if you have problems doing things, finishing things, my main suggestion is to

Start Small.

As starting with small things you will be able to really do it, really finish it, which in my experience increased my self confidence a lot. And I notice that over time I made things bigger, like going from one peso per day to ten pesos a day. And starting from only making the bed to add some other small things which I was sure I could finish. And from starting a planning in the form of a to do list for one day to extending it to two days and then four days and now two weeks.

So if you are stuck somewhere, being paralyzed or having no money anymore, make sure to start small. But yes, do start.

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