Self analysis, question 11

For the post of today what first came into mind is that somehow I felt a lot better today. And I have no clue how that happened or how I had any influence on that and that is still very strange to me as everywhere I read you can do things to get yourself out of a rut or out of a bad mood. But in my experience you cannot, or at least I can not. At least I couldn’t the last few days and I hate phrases like ‘I can’t’ or ‘I couldn’t’, but maybe that is just a weakness in me or maybe my biggest weakness, that I can’t admit that there are things beyond my control.

But wait a minute, my mam’s ‘I can’t’ that triggers my negative feelings may be something different than my ‘I can’t’, so maybe worth investigating more. As my ‘I can’t’ mostly (always?) means something like ‘I don’t want to’ or ‘I don’t feel like it’, while my mams ‘I can’t’ mostly sounds like some kind of excuse.

Anyhow, even though my mind is more on the above, the ‘I can’t’, I don’t want to write a whole post about that and I’m not even sure why, so I’ll just continue with question eleven of the self analysis questions from Think and Grow Rich“To which do you devote most time, thinking of success, or of failure?”.

And I have been thinking about this question since yesterday and also earlier, and the first that comes into my mind that I don’t think so much about failure or success, but that I think most of my current financial situation and my problems with work and career and not so much about failure or success. Or actually I think most about how I got here and how I can get out of it. And that leads me to something like not having the faintest idea how I got here, or more like what I could have done differently to prevent my current ‘worst than I could ever imagine’ financial situation. Or how I could get out of it, what I could do differently.

So while thinking further, of course I know how I got here. And maybe I was too eager to have a relationship again, like ending up with the wrong partner. And I could have sold the house or I could still sell it. And the last would certainly solve my immediate financial problems, or what I experience as my biggest problem, the loans I have that are far beyond what I could ever imagine anyone having, especially me, being against any type of loan for living or pleasure, which is where most of the money went.

And relating the above to the question what I think about more, failure or success, I think most of the time, practically all the time, about my previous failures, the things that brought me down. And I can’t even imagine any success, although while thinking about it now of course I did achieve great successes. So let’s just write these down:

  • I graduated high school in one setting with good grades.
  • I have a Masters degree in Mechanical Engineering.
  • My first relationship lasted for twelve years, which I guess I can still call a success, even though it failed in the end.
  • I found a new partner, an Asian partner, something I always dreamed of.
  • After being fired at my first employer in a very bad way I found a new job very soon after.
  • I worked for KPMG for about four years, something most people can’t say and where I think I learned most in my career.
  • I learned myself programming, including web programming, where the last is much more difficult than the first.
  • I have been writing every day now for more than two years, including sending a daily quote to more than 100 people.
  • I have made the bed in our bedroom for more than two years now, every day.
  • I built the first version of DoctorsConnect with amazing speed.
  • I started a business, and even though it kind of failed I am still working on making it work.
  • I acquired the most beautiful house in Cagayan de Oro City, maybe even of the whole Philippines.
  • I managed to keep my second relationship going for about twelve years now. I even managed to repair it after a breakup.
  • I kept my business going after having a severe motorcycle accident, including working from the hospital from the ICU
  • And I guess I could keep on going…

Wow, so that is something, just writing down some of my successes. And I didn’t know what it would do, but it really felt good doing that, it seems to have made a shift in my mindset right now, so I can certainly recommend doing something like what I just did.

So maybe instead of keeping analyzing or wanting to analyze everything I might just start thinking about my successes, the things that went right in my life or the things I achieved.

And enough for today I guess, as the above really gives me something to think.

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