I had a very bad mood today. And it started yesterday, or maybe even a few days ago. And normally I know ways to get out of that, to find some kind of happiness, but this time that didn’t work very well, until now.

And as this site is about inspiration, is about inspiring people, inspiring people for success, I thought the title “What was inspiring today?” a nice way to start, a way to somehow put my focus somewhere else, away from my bad mood, my bad feeling. But while writing this I feel the tension in my legs, a tension I dread very much, as that was a tension I felt for a long, long time in my previous relationship, when I knew there was something wrong, very very wrong, but didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to explain that to my partner, talk to my partner.

So yes, I see I am back with my bad mood, with the thing that is bothering me, really bothering me. So I know it is ‘relationship’.

So where to go from here? Am I writing for myself, somehow analyzing my problems, trying to find a solution through my writing? Or should I write for you, write something inspiring? As that is what you are supposed to come here for, for inspiration, for inspirational posts. And that is what is supposed to help, help make one happy, doing something for someone else, ‘giving’ to other people, helping other people. But until now ‘giving’ did not really make me happy, although I know things like smiling at someone else, to someone else, in 99% of the cases rewards you with a smile in return, indeed making one happy. But ‘giving’ to my partner has never made me happy and I hardly ever feel I am getting something in return. And don’t get me wrong, I know ‘giving’ doesn’t work like getting (something in return) for oneself.

And also helping people often doesn’t seem to work, as mostly it seems people don’t want my help, even though it is given by heart.

So often I ask myself if I am really ‘giving’, if I am really helping. Maybe the word ‘give’ means something else to me than to (most) other people. And maybe ‘helping’ something else than what I think it is.

And these kind of things have been bothering me for a long, long time. As I have the feeling I ‘give’ more than I see other people give. And I am very much into helping other people. And I read everywhere that you ‘reap what you sow’.

So if the last is true then I have sown very, very bad seeds all my life. As I feel like I am reaping just misery, lack and things like that. And people are not willing to help me, even if I ask them straight away. And people often want, expect, things from me I don’t have, like money.

And yes, I know I somehow make a mistake there, trying to give things I don’t have. And maybe not being clear enough about my needs; or asking the wrong people. And of course I am wondering if other people feel the same about me, that I don’t give them what they need, help them in a way they need. As if life is about balance, something like that must be the case.

So what was inspiring today? For me, I don’t know. I didn’t really feel inspired, I just had a bad mood and of course that reflected in everything that happened, in everything I did. As indeed I believe that is how the Universe works, that is how the Law of Attraction works.

And what was inspiring for you today? And would you be willing to share that? And would you be willing to let me know what I can ‘give’, what you would want to expect from me? And what help you would need from me? So my ‘giving’ and willingness to help would get some better results.

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