I am still wondering if I, or you, are the same as the 14 year old boy who my partner and I are supporting to go to school. As he is often guided by fear, meaning he does not move or achieves the things that appear so easy to achieve by me.
But maybe the answer is already given, at least for me. As often I doubt if I should guide him in the direction I want him to go, away from poverty, partly away from Filipino culture. So yes, my doubt is related to fear, fear if I am doing the right thing, like ‘who am I to teach this boy, this young man the teachings of Napoleon Hill and such’. And things like ‘he is only a 14 year old boy, what can he handle’? And ‘am I not doing the same as my father did to me, pushing me in a direction that didn’t suit me’?
And yes, of course those are valid questions. And I guess they should be asked, I should ask them to myself. But I guess there are also no answers to those questions. As who decides what a 14 year old Filipino boy can handle?
And question that comes to me now is more like ‘what is wrong with trying to pass on my knowledge on how to live life, or how not to live life’, to the next generation? And also something like that of course we are all influenced by the people around us, by our surroundings, whether culture or people or whatever.
And right now the story that you cannot decide what are ‘good things’ or ‘bad things’ happening to someone. As over time good things may turn out to be bad things and the other way around.
And again, while writing, I realize that I did not really make a decision whether to support or guide this guy in life. And again, this means that I am easily thrown off balance if things go wrong or don’t go the way I have or had in mind.
And of course deep inside I know the answer, the answer that I should support this guy, keep supporting this guy finding his way in life, no matter what. And there is no real reason why I should not, except maybe guilt, guilt that I cannot do more cannot support more children of his age to raise above the poverty he was born in, raise above the culture to accept ‘everything’ as it comes to you and not, well fight, to escape poverty.
So yes, while writing this I guess it is time to find the courage myself to make that decision to really support him, support him the best I can. So exactly the thing I was teaching him about today, to fight fear with courage. And maybe add for myself to fight doubt with decision.