Tag Archives: Courage

Self analysis, question 40

I never realized there were more than 40 self analysis questions, but I knew there were a lot. More than 40 is impressive though and there are still quite a lot to go.

Today’s question amazes me a bit though  because I already answered it, but apparently I didn’t, at least not in public, not in the site like I am doing now.

And today’s question is “Have you learned how to create a mental state of mind with which you can shield yourself against all discouraging influences”? And the answer is certainly no, as I am often pretty much discouraged. Although when writing this down I think I improved a bit, or even a lot, as slowly I somehow tell myself positive things when I feel discouraged. Like that I still have a lot of time, as ‘age’ is just an excuse (according to Napoleon Hill). And also that in the end with persistence you get quite far, as that is what I seem to read very often lately.

And I know I am persistent, so it is certainly encouraging to read that persistence seems to be one of the major things that helps one achieve success.

And yes, I am learning and developed some pretty good habits, and a good sample of the last is that I am writing here even though I feel very, very tired.

But the habit keeps me going.

So well, I am getting more and more confident that I will achieve success, in the end, even though a bit late. But as they say: “better late than never”.

Self analysis, question 5

The question “Do you deliberately avoid the association of anyone, and if so, why?” is a tough one to answer in public, as since that question is in my mind I realize there are quite some people I avoid or am scared of.

So I am not fully sure if I deliberately avoid the association with people, but I do deliberately avoid people because I am scared of them. And that kind of worries me, as it means I have issues I am avoiding, issues I don’t want to deal with. And it means that I lack self confidence, lack courage to deal with things I am not proud of, mistakes I made.

So do I also deliberately avoid the association of anyone? I guess so, but right now I don’t remember any specific sample of that.

So maybe go back to the avoidance of certain people, which I certainly do. And I have one specific person in mind I am avoiding as I am keeping a secret from her. Or actually I am not literally hiding something from her, but I feel very uncomfortable she doesn’t know something.

So what am I exactly scared of? Well, I guess of losing more than I already lost, especially the house. So this does go back to the fear of poverty.

And I am not fully sure if I should tell my secret, as it may just create the thing I am scared of, even though I realize recently my problem became worse where I have been working on solving this issue last year, but recently I ran out of money again, causing more and more problems, where I thought I was on the way solving them.

So well, tough question, at least the issues it brings into focus with me.

But the whole thing still goes back to things I think I cannot control, like money coming in, having income. And that is where the ideas of Napoleon Hill are conflicting with my experience, although he mentions things related to my situation, like you may be forced to temporarily be dishonest.

So there is some big issue here, as this question makes me feel very uncomfortable and might touch the basics of my (current) problems.

And not sure how to continue now, except the word courage comes into mind. And the word doubt, related to the ‘not sure’ I just wrote.

So work to do here, as there are certainly answers around my avoidance of certain people. And related to that avoidance of looking at problems to be solved.

Updating my desire document

I just made a major update to my desire document. And I was scared doing that, as some dates had passed and I had not achieved the goals that were written by those dates, far from it.

But I had planned it for today, so I had no option but to do it. As I have decided to finish my daily planned items, no matter what. And yes, of course sometimes there are circumstances that I can’t finish it. Like when I am traveling (and as I also have decided not to have a tablet, not to have continuous internet access). And sometimes I forget to write things down correctly, like if things depend on other people and I didn’t write ‘if it pushes through’ or ‘if the other person agrees’. But in general it is very rare that I don’t finish my daily list. And yes, sometimes the list is empty, like when I know I am traveling or something.

But I don’t want to talk about my daily planning today, I wanted to talk about my experience with updating my desire document, an experience I was scared of.

And as usual I was wrong, being scared of something. As my desire document is there to help me and not to scare me. And it did, in an unimaginable way, for more than two years now. And I just checked the date of the original document that became the basis of my desire document, which is October 22,2 014. And the first ‘readable’ version must have been written November 11, 2014, so a little more than two years ago. And of course the major things are just there, nothing really changed, except that I kind of made it more specific, made it even much ‘tighter’ than the original document.

And I am still looking for words to describe what has happened to me, what an enormous power a desire document summons. As when I wrote down my original desires they were completely impossible, or at least they appeared, they felt impossible. And quite soon after the most impossible thing became quite likely. And over the last two years I slowly found myself living the document, which was and is kind of strange. As the document still contains a lot of unrealized goals and, as indicated above, I passed some dates for some important goals without realizing them. But somehow I am just living the document, living my impossible goals from two years ago.

And it is hard to explain how it works, but it works indeed somehow like influencing your subconscious mind. And I noticed that when I realized that when I first started with phrase like ‘I desire to have 1 million dollar’ (no, that’s not in the actual document, as I consider that private), when reading the document over time this felt inadequate, as it felt like it should be ‘I have 1 million dollar’. So in general actual the opposite happened as what I was scared of: I made the document more specific and more in the now than in the future.

So today I made some major updates, basically because some dates had passed. And strangely enough, the new document is more specific, more in the ‘now’ than the original. And no, nothing really changed related to my desires, they are still the same. They just came closer with this new version of my desire document.

Courage inspiration

I am still wondering if I, or you, are the same as the 14 year old boy who my partner and I are supporting to go to school. As he is often guided by fear, meaning he does not move or achieves the things that appear so easy to achieve by me.

But maybe the answer is already given, at least for me. As often I doubt if I should guide him in the direction I want him to go, away from poverty, partly away from Filipino culture. So yes, my doubt is related to fear, fear if I am doing the right thing, like ‘who am I to teach this boy, this young man the teachings of Napoleon Hill and such’. And things like ‘he is only a 14 year old boy, what can he handle’? And ‘am I not doing the same as my father did to me, pushing me in a direction that didn’t suit me’?

And yes, of course those are valid questions. And I guess they should be asked, I should ask them to myself. But I guess there are also no answers to those questions. As who decides what a 14 year old Filipino boy can handle?

And question that comes to me now is more like ‘what is wrong with trying to pass on my knowledge on how to live life, or how not to live life’, to the next generation? And also something like that of course we are all influenced by the people around us, by our surroundings, whether culture or people or whatever.

And right now the story that you cannot decide what are ‘good things’ or ‘bad things’ happening to someone. As over time good things may turn out to be bad things and the other way around.

And again, while writing, I realize that I did not really make a decision whether to support or guide this guy in life. And again, this means that I am easily thrown off balance if things go wrong or don’t go the way I have or had in mind.

And of course deep inside I know the answer, the answer that I should support this guy, keep supporting this guy finding his way in life, no matter what. And there is no real reason why I should not, except maybe guilt, guilt that I cannot do more cannot support more children of his age to raise above the poverty he was born in, raise above the culture to accept ‘everything’ as it comes to you and not, well fight, to escape poverty.

So yes, while writing this I guess it is time to find the courage myself to make that decision to really support him, support him the best I can. So exactly the thing I was teaching him about today, to fight fear with courage. And maybe add for myself to fight doubt with decision.