Tag Archives: Decision

Weeds

A few months ago I decided I wanted to continue my Bermuda grass project again, meaning I want all the grass in the garden to be Bermuda grass. And I thought or expected all or most of the Bermuda grass would have disappeared or died, especially after the drought end of last year, beginning this year, as most of the grass had been all brown and possibly dead. And strange, I suddenly don’t feel like writing anymore, where earlier today I thought about writing here, writing about what I have learned from the grass and the weeds (in the grass). I even made some photos of my small Bermuda grass islands, some patches of Bermuda that I put in the middle of the areas with other grass, or actually not grass, but mostly weeds.

Bermuda patch

And in my mind is that I have written about my project earlier, about the Bermuda grass and the weeds; and the weeding. Yes, I did, but not sure if I put all my thoughts there, and probably no photos, although I am not fully sure about the last. But I think I wrote about how beautiful weeds actually are, and that it is just my choice, my decision, what are weeds and what is grass. As I even read that Bermuda grass is actually a weed type grass, as it acts like a weed, covering, destroying other plants, although it does not seem to do so with all the weeds in the garden, in the grass here.

Bermuda patch

Ah, and it is time to sleep now, time for self care, so another unfinished post :(.

But I am determined to continue writing, so I am continuing right now, just as I just continued a little weeding in the grass half an hour ago or so. And this weeding, this weeding project really makes me think, I think also helps me learning goal setting and planning, even though it reminds me of the quote of Martin Luther King: “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase”. And the quote is different from what I remembered, as I did not realize it was about faith. And somehow that is astonishing to realize, as I am starting having faith, I am starting believing. And, maybe more important, I am starting thinking about goal setting and planning. And this time about real goal setting and real planning, as until now I think I have mainly been dreaming and wishful thinking.

So what am I thinking while weeding and how does it help me? And how do I write all those thoughts here, in an organized way, so you and I can do something useful with it? Maybe just start with a list:

I realize more and more the project is huge, so I can’t do it alone.
I have the feeling or the belief, that if I clear the weeds around the existing Bermuda grass, the Bermuda grass knows and will start helping me.
I am using the weeding as kind of an escape, kind of an excuse to do more important things. However, it does help me organize my thoughts and see things I need for my big DoctorsConnect project to work. And while thinking, it may also help me get my projects of rebuilding Active Discovery and renovating and rebuilding The Malasag House.
It seems all the things I have been doing come together, like reading Think and Grow Rich and working from it. And doing my Coda work. And sticking to staying in The Malasag House.
And yes, persistence is very important. I am realizing more and more that as long as I don’t give up, I am still on the way to the things I have or had put my mind to. I read about those things in the page that is currently on top in Google for “Infinite Intelligence”, something this site also scores very high on.
And based on what I read in that page that is currently on top in Google for “Infinite Intelligence” , and also inThink and Grow Rich,it seems one has to do everything him or herself. But I am starting to believe that indeed, as also written in Think and Grow Rich, that it doesn’t really take effort or energy to do what you want or get what you want, that Infinite Intelligence is helping, supporting, maybe even doing it all, if you just ask in the right way, think in the right way, dream in the right way.
And the weeds, or the plants I decide to be weeds, are strong, grow everywhere, seem to grow easily and fast, but it gets easier cleaning them out as long as I continuously keep cleaning and extending the areas with Bermuda grass.
The Bermuda grass is growing slower than I thought, extending slower than I thought or hoped or expected, like extending from the patches I planted in several areas a few months ago. But I also know I don’t see everything, like roots maybe growing more and further than I would know or expect.

To be continued…

P.S. And strange, I wrote about the Bermuda grass in the page What Is Success. So it was not a post, but interesting what I wrote there, about how things were coming to me already in September 2016.

Power of habit

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Today I experienced the power of habit, as even though I have not planned very much with my daily planning, somehow I started last week again and for today I wrote quite some items, many more than I usually do lately.

And as I am still in a very down, depressed mood, I couldn’t really get going also today. But somehow the things I wanted to do in the city went much faster and better than I expected. And somehow I finished all of the items except one. And the last one was something like visiting a doctor, not even specified as a mandatory item as far as I remember now.

But somehow I had time and somehow I remembered the item. So somehow I decided to visit the hospital of one of our users. And the secretary was still there. And somehow I was in sales mood, something I already decided last week, focusing on marketing and sales and not on development.

And there was one other doctor I wanted to visit in that hospital. And somehow he was available. And somehow God allowed me to squeeze in and meet him shortly.

And all of this would not have happened if I hadn’t known all the self help and personal development stuff. And train myself with some habits.

Decision, persistence, repetition and more

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I am more and more amazed with what is happening to me and what has been happening to me for the last two years. As it seems there is an enormous power in decision and persistence. As those two in combination with imagination and repetition are somehow creating like determination and belief. As somehow, the last few days, weeks, I saw my black Pajero coming towards the house, through the gate. And the last few days I can already imagine it standing in the, well, not sure how to call that in English, car park area in front of our front door. And until recently I didn’t really believe that there really would be a black Pajero of the current model in the car park area of our house. But somehow I am starting to believe, which is kind of crazy, as I have no clue how I would obtain the necessary funds to buy one.

And yes, somehow I feel a bit like cheating on the people from Mitsubhishi I am in contact with. As they presume I am a normal customer who is just looking to get a proposal for buying a Mitsubishi Pajero. And that I would have the funds available to buy one if I wanted to, which is not really the case as of the moment.

So yes, somehow I feel a bit guilty about that. But I have been very careful in stating what I want and how I want it and yes, that of course I am willing to give something in return for a Mitsubishi Pajero. So yes, according to the real world thinking of course anybody would presume that I am a customer with a lot of money, especially if I am from the marketing and/or sales department of Mitsubishi Motors. But it is all presumption, as I never said I wanted to buy a black Mitsubishi Pajero of a certain type. I only stated I want to acquire, want to drive, and implicitly, want to own a black Mitsubishi Pajero.

And don’t get me wrong, I have no intention to cheat on anybody or tell half truths or something. Of course I would love to just buy the car I have in mind. And no, I don’t even want or need a discount, which again, people within Mitsubishi presumed. But right now I just can’t, so I am trying to find a way to acquire the Mitsubishi Pajero that I have stated I want to own. And that is what I have been doing, telling them what I want.

But I don’t want to write about some stupid car I want to own, some very expensive car most people won’t be able to afford (‘in the real world’). I want to write about that some time ago I made a pretty detailed description of the car I want to own. And I have been acting on that, like writing to Mitsubishi to inform them what I want. As I was, and still am, scared that I won’t be able to acquire the funds in time to be able to buy the car I have in mind. And often, when driving up to our house, mostly using a habal-habal, I close my eyes and I imagine sitting in my own black Pajero, driving my own black Pajero. And before I just imagined the car driving through the gate. And no, I didn’t really believed it.

But the strange thing is that quite recently something changed. As somehow I am really starting to believe that that car is really there. And also recently I can imagine it standing in the driveway and me going in and out of it, going to the city. So keep in mind, I kept repeating those things, as suggested in Think and Grow Rich, even though I didn’t believe it, even though I felt kind of stupid and was doubting that just repeating those things without really having the right ‘feel’ would work.

And no, I don’t know where this is going to end and if I would really be able to realize this dream of having a black Mitsubishi Pajero, highest type, current model, brand new, manual transmission and diesel.engine. But it is pretty amazing what is happening especially recently, after I kept repeating, imagining and acting upon this desire, even though it is ‘impossible’ and I didn’t really believe it.

Ah, so much more to tell, like all those things just seem to become their own self fulfilling prophecy. And somehow my self confidence has skyrocketed, even though nothing really changed in my real life situation. And that improved self confidence seems to arrive with other people, so somehow other people react different to me, different to what I say, different to the ideas I have, no matter how crazy they seem to be. And again, other people reacting differently, more supportive, also boosts my self confidence again. So it really seems I am moving to the other side of the stream Napoleon Hill talks about. And indeed, it doesn’t take more effort or something, on the road or in the stream towards riches, towards success. So keep reading, as if I can really achieve success, anybody can.

How to write an inspiring post

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Yes, it is still in my mind how to write an inspiring post. And I still don’t know how to do that, as it is quite late and I don’t feel like writing. But of course that is none of your business as an inspiring post should inspire you, and knowing about my current feeling or status is probably not that inspiring. Or is it?

As I just finished installing Caesar IV on the PC of a friend of mine. And over the day that started to worry me, as it was one of the few things on my planning list for today. And it was supposed to be a pretty straightforward thing as I had done it before on one of our own PC’s here. So I knew a bit what to expect, except the PC of my friend runs Windows 8 where our own PC I installed Caesar IV on runs Windows 7. But as the game, a pretty old game not made for newer versions of Windows, ran on Windows 7 without too many problems, I expected the installation a bit similar to the one before, not really straightforward, but doable within a few hours and without too much effort. How wrong I was, as the installation of .NET 3.X is quite different on Windows 8 compared to Windows 7. And it needed to download something, which didn’t work and that didn’t make much sense to me.

Anyhow, I did manage to install the game, and that is kind of the inspiring part of this post. As I used quite some of the Principles of Success to get this task done today. At first I used the principle of decision, as I decided quite a while ago that I will finish my daily to do list, no matter what. And I have become pretty good at that, as it is very rare that I fail to finish all the items on the list that I have marked as ‘definite’. So with this list I have developed the habit of planning things and finishing them at the time specified. And keep in mind that this is not particularly difficult, as when I started with this habit I started with just one little thing per day. So I was 99% sure I could finish that thing. And I did that for quite a while, weeks, if not months, to get started with this.

And still, recently I didn’t feel like doing a lot of things. And I have been on a short holiday. So for the last weeks, months, my daily planning has been pretty empty, like many days where I planned nothing. And over time I learned to specify things more specific, like adding the word ‘maybe’ or ‘probably’ or stating something like ‘if pushes through’. As I noticed that for some things you depend on other people and as I don’t think it is healthy to force other people to follow your planning I am very careful making statements about that (thanks Mike, for pointing out to me how this works).

So also today I thought I had a pretty simple list that could easily be finished. How wrong I was, as somewhere during the evening I really started to believe that this game installation might not work out today. However, for those things the principle of persistence comes in handy, together with the earlier mentioned decision. As those two things just made me push through where other people, or I myself before I learned all this, would stop, would declare defeat or failure. But I didn’t, as somehow I have developed to just go further, a lot further, than I used to before. And finally it did work out, although in this case it might not have worked out today. But it did.

And most important what I learned, what I can confirm also from what Napoleon Hill and many other famous ‘self help’ writers state, is that it doesn’t really take a lot of effort or energy. As it is just a habit I developed. It is just ‘something I do’.

So well, even though it is later than I wanted, expected, and even though I feel a bit tired and didn’t really feel to write a post, I think I managed to write something useful which even might be inspiring. So maybe I am also slowly developing the habit of writing, writing inspiring posts. How successful is that?

And what about you? Do you finish things? Have you developed habits that help you finish things? And yes, looking back it is all worth the effort. As with all these things I have changed, where the major change has been that I have an awful lot more self confidence, which I think is a big thing.

Breakdown

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So last night I had a complete breakdown, even though I was much more conscious of what was going on with me than ever before, so somehow I made a deliberate choice to stay in this state of, well, not sure what word would be applicable. Maybe something like ‘complete opposition’ or something. So I decided not to send the daily inspirational quote and not to write my posts. Which is a big thing to me, so you can imagine how I felt, how annoyed I was.

And it all started somewhere like last Saturday, when I decided not to pay the helper. As my partner, as usual, had decided to stay away longer than he planned. And as the last months I decided it is easier to deal with my partner, with our budget, by just giving all, or actually most, of the income to my partner, I had no budget left. As he had left me only budget for a few days, which was actually not even enough, especially because I had a large hospital bill last week. For which I withdrew money from the ‘floating cash’ as I call it. Actually meaning I was just plainly borrowing money, as that money is not mine, it is money in transfer to be deposited to our company.

And I am a bit hesitant writing all this, as it is very private and should not be in the open. It should be dealt with by my partner and me discussing it. But until now I, or maybe I should say we, did not find a way to deal with our budget issues, which kind of worries me, as in the end I always gave in and borrowed money again (indirectly, that is important to know, so there is no actual borrowing from ‘someone’). As of course you need to eat. And the dogs need to be fed. And the helper needs to be paid. And yes, last Monday, the medical bills needed to be paid.

Anyhow, all those details about the issues my partner and me have are not really relevant to what I wanted to write. But it may give some background on the behavior I chose yesterday. As as usual my partner made some remarks like ‘if you behave like that I better not come home’ and such. Meaning I felt like ‘here we go again’. And don’t get me wrong, I am doing much better with all of this, mainly based on the ideas of Kim Cooper. But sometimes, like the last few days, especially yesterday when my partner actually came back, I just feel like I’m back at square one. Or at least have no clue what to do to improve the situation. As no matter what I do, my partner seems to stay in this state of “it’s your fault”, including completely withdrawing from everything related to me.

So I just decided to write about it. And while doing so I at least I realize more and more that it’s not my fault, that it has nothing to do with me. As it’s just especially my partner having a terrible mood or not knowing how to deal with things. And apparently this is just his way of dealing with it. Just as I did by just going to bed last night and staying there. As no place in the house felt ‘safe’, meaning a place my partner wouldn’t find any reason to put more blame on me.

And going back to you I think my main reason for writing about this is that I have improved, a lot, to dealing with my partners bad behavior, even though sometimes, like last night, I still break down and don’t exactly know what to do, except hide. But at least this time I made a more deliberate choice, like deciding that I would not do my daily ‘inspirational things’, even though that was a big thing to me. And right now I am trying to convince myself that it’s okay to do that, that it was okay last night to put myself above my obligations to other people, as I feel I have an obligation to send my daily inspirational quote. And maybe most that I am not perfect, something I often try to be, like pushing myself to do the things I planned to do.

So please don’t be perfect, be human.