Guess today I’ll skip. How do other leaders deal with having lost all drive and all inspiration?
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Tag Archives: Feeling
Personality
As you may know I, Guus, still don’t consider myself successful, although I am starting to see that I am and have been successful in many things. And one of the things I never wrote about, but that is often in my mind is the subject how successful people feel, feel themselves. Or how people who consider themselves successful feel themselves. Do they really feel different from me or you or not? I think so, I think many people I admire or consider successful feel better than I do. And I am starting to believe that many people around me feel better than I do. And that’s another subject I never wrote about. How does personality, how we are built, influence how happy or successful we are? Many of the people I consider successful are e.g. self help coaches of successful business people. And all those successful coaches look and talk the same: they have been poor and one day they decided they wanted to be successful or rich or something. And they did, they managed, and that’s why I know them and that’s why they are rich. But it’s easy to tell other people what to do or how to get there if you’re already there. If you already made it. And those self help coaches like Tony Robbins, Bob Proctor and Esther Hicks often are very good talkers, very good ‘sales people’. And I’m quite sure that also successful business people like Richard Branson and Donald Trump have certain treats that makes them who they are.
And I know that i have certain treats that make me what I am. And I know I have done many of the things that are preached by those rich people. But I’m not there yet, so what’s going on? Can anybody become successful and rich? Somehow I believe yes and somehow I believe I’ll get out of this ‘rut’ and get my Pajero and will have enough money to live (not survive as I’m doing right now) and pay back my debts. But I still have no clue why and I’m still not fully sure why e.g. people leave me behind, don’t visit me or connect to me. That indeed must have something to do with ‘me’, but should I change something to change that? Or is all of this still ‘the secret’ that I didn’t find yet. And yes, I now know it’s not in hard work, because there have been periods where I have worked hard, very hard. And yes, that brought me quite some money, but deep down I didn’t feel happy as somehow I felt there was something ‘wrong’. And there was something wrong and I’m starting to know a bit what it was. And it’s not as wrong as it was anymore. But financially, businesswise for example I’m much worse off and that’s no fun as I feel like I can’t move anymore.
So maybe the next step is indeed something like mixing the two, the feeling good, the feeling myself AND the hard work, maybe my way now.
To be continued…
One of those days
Well, the challenge is more and more to write something inspiring, but today was one of those days where nothing seemed to work out as I expected or intended to. Up to just five minutes ago as on my own computer for some kind of weird reason I could not even edit or create a new post or page in this site with the standard WordPress editor, which was very weird as nothing changed in the site and yesterday it just worked.
So this morning started with one of our two main servers not starting, which is kind of annoying as many things will slow down and some things are not available as they only reside on that server. This morning also started with a weird water problem where I finally found out that the tank was empty, which should not be as I can’t image we consume that much water. Ah, and before the electricity went off wich was something I took as a signal to continue with the improvement of our water system that I had planned for today. Before that something needed to be printed, where of course the printer was connected to the system that was down. At that time someone was cleaning so it was a lot of hassle to print as I had to pass the floor being cleaned (and very wet and slippery) many, many times. Also there was one envelope left where I needed two. Ah, and of course the server didn’t have a CD-ROM device attached that I needed for repairing the system. And I can’t remember other things, but I’m quite sure there were some other things I didn’t like either. Ah, and forgot, just when a customer called through Skype, a call that hadn’t pushed through for a few days, the internet connection was down. And when I had switched to our other connection, which of course was more hassle than usual because I felt so down about this computer being down, he was not available anymore.
So my mood was very down and indeed, it somehow was one of those days where it seems nothing can go right.
And still, it’s not the whole truth. It’s a feeling, a mood that indeed somehow also affects your environment. And I don’t know how that works, but something like Law of Attraction indeed seems to exist.
So yes, most of the day I felt very bad and had a bad mood and even felt physically exhausted. I guess you know the feeling. But somehow I did manage the things
So it felt like ‘just one of those day’s. But was it really? In a way yes, as normally there are not so many things breaking down at the same time. But looking at how the world works, 99% of everything around me still worked. So somehow I, or we, seem to focus on things that don’t work, not on things that work. I wrote about that also yesterday or a few days ago. And I’m not sure if you realize, but it’s kind of a miracle that most things work. Rationally it would be more likely that things wouldn’t work. And also I have put so many things in place as a back-up, like my duplicate file server system, that I somehow still could work. And I had had a warning from that server there was a disk problem a few weeks or months ago. So I had been warned aleady something like this might happen.
And somehow I still did the things I had planned for today. And many things more. So rationally it wasn’t really a bad day, even though I don’t plan so many things on a day like before, actually embarrassingly little, but that’s another story.
So somehow, doing these little things for quite a while now and keeping my daily promises to myself, no matter how small or could even be ‘nothing’, I have developed a habit of ‘doing the things I planned for a day’, which is even why I’m writing this post now even though it’s very late at night.
So inspiring, this post? Maybe, because also some things pointed me in the right direction, like the electricity going off made me move on the water, one of the things I had planned. And the server breakdown and the phone call somehow made me do some little work on something I had planned for a site. And I have developed to ‘push through’ in a more relaxed way than before, indeed from ‘habit’ and not from ‘have to’.
So yes, I’m not there as I feel it, far from it, but somehow something changed. Thank you Napoleon HIll and Lynn Grabhorn and Abraham Hicks and many, many other people.
Acknowledge
I was reading what Abraham Hicks says about procrastination and I just realized that I kind of always feel this underlying darkness, this underlying, well not sure how to call it, but it makes my legs feel tense. And I never really acknowledged it and I also don’t know if other people know or have this feeling. I always presumed people were the same and had similar ‘drivers’, things that drive them, but I’m starting to believe now that that’s not true. So I guess also most people have this underlying darkness, the underlying darkness that I feel. Maybe, as Napoleon Hill suggests like analyzing instead of presuming, how this is for other people.
And the main thing with this dark feeling, which before was more like a dark cloud covering everything, always present darkening things, is that it virtually always blocks me, blocks me to be happy, blocks me to be myself. And I kind of know that this feeling is the basis of all the bad things that are happening to me. As one of the weirdest things that are going on right now is that the main things from my desire document and my visualizations of some time ago have become reality. My current problem is, and this is the same problem I encountered most of my life, that it’s incomplete, it’s not enough. And I know that and The Universe knows that. So that’s going on. And somehow I keep telling myself ‘you should be happy’ and ‘it should be enough’. And that’s just not the truth, so I keep beating myself up with something that’s not true. And that causes me an enormous amount of stress and kind of blocks everything.
So just before writing this I was just lying down, thinking, not really knowing what to do as I didn’t feel inspired doing anything. And I have learned that indeed, as the ideas of Abraham Hicks state, uninspired action goes nowhere, only works against everything. So then I realized I should first at least acknowledge that there is something wrong, that things have materialized but are incomplete and that it is very logical that I feel like I feel: very unhappy and very unsatisfied. And then I got somehow the feeling to write this finding down, like I’m doing now, even though my mind (read: what I believe other people say) says I shouldn’t do so as I’m in the negative again. But am I, acknowledging what’s really going on with me? Is that negative? I don’t think so, because indeed, if I keep pushing against it, trying to convince myself everything is OK and that I’m no the right path while I know that’s not true, something really bad is going on and I just make it worse.
So how to go from here? I still don’t know as related to ‘what people say’ and ‘what the world says’ and ‘what you’re supposed to do’ says I’m in big trouble, I’m not OK. But is this not what it’s all about? Who is ‘the world’ that they could judge on where I stand, no matter where that is? And why would that be wrong, no matter what I did or didn’t do? And no, I”m not happy where I stand right now and I was not happy where I stood in life most of my life, but maybe what I’m writing here is just the way out of it: just acknowledging that I”m not happy, that I’m in a very wrong place, that I’m in a very bad situation. And no matter what ‘the world’ says try to figure out what I want and how to get there.
And somehow I’m doing the right thing as it felt good writing the above. But again posting it and hoping for feedback or something or just feeling the judgement just makes me feel bad again. But maybe again, that’s what courage maybe is about, just do it and see what happens and maybe even try to expect in the right way.
And somehow lately I more and more often feel I’m getting closer to what I want, closer to what I desire, closer to live a joyful, loving and powerful life. But I’m not there yet, somehow the Universe is not lined up yet fully. Or maybe this is just what still needs to happen, maybe this is still what needs to be written, needs to be shared, even though I don’t like it as it’s kind of embarrassing, it’s kind of negative. In the eyes of the world.
Something…
Well, ten minutes ago I still felt like nothing to write here as my mood was very bad and I felt very stressed as I had felt the whole day, no matter what I did or tried to do or tried to think or whatever. So I thought ‘one of those days’ while searching for the daily quote. And somehow I still try to stick with decisions about what to do on a day, no matter how little I plan. And the last few days I wasn’t really keeping these promises even, so tonight, late tonight, I still decided to somehow finish some report that was overdue already for weeks. And I really planned it yesterday, although I did not really ‘decide’ so I had kind of a way out. But today I had promised myself to do it like some real decision, so I had no real option not to do it based on the habit I developed around ‘deciding what to do on a day’.
So what can I learn from this, what can we learn from this. Well, not fully sure, but my habit to ‘finish things I planned on a day’ is a really strong motivator. Somehow I have developed that habit. And it is related to ‘stick with a decision when you have made it’. So those two are really powerful things, even though I use them with a lot of care. But that’s also what it’s actually about I guess, because I am much, much more careful what I decide than ever before and I am much, much more careful what I plan for a day. At the moment I’d rather plan nothing than plan something I won’t finish. So I am looking to ‘extend’ this habit to bigger things. But I know I have to be very careful with that as I think in general I tend to put too much pressure on myself and/or plan too much.
But looking back to the last few months I can really recommend to ‘start small’ with this type of thing if you want to. As of now I think it is much, much more important to stick with decisions no matter how small or unimportant and stick with my daily plan no matter how small than to plan too much and finally fall back to something like ‘doing nothing’ or ‘feeling bad’. So yes, while writing I realize I really developed a habit about daily planning and decision making. And it all started with ‘daily making the bed’, which I think I have done now for almost a year and I never skipped, except maybe on one or two very weird or unusual days. And ‘never skipping’ may mean I make the bed at eight pm or so. But I do make it.
So back to today. Today I basically tried everything to relax a bit, to be a bit happy. And until like half an hour ago it didn’t happen, I didn’t manage to change it, no matter how hard (or not hard) I tried. So I stayed stressed for most of the days as I hadn’t felt stress in a long, long time. And looking back I also still wouldn’t know how I could have changed it earlier. So maybe this is indeed ‘one of those days’ where nothing seems to work, where nothing good seems to happen, where no matter what you do or read or know or whatever, you stay in this very bad mood, in this very stressed feeling.
But now, fortunately, it did change, although while writing this still a little stress comes up in the background. So yes, when you’re in that mood, maybe just stay in it and accept it. Because even knowing that it will be over some time didn’t help me today. But now, right now I know I feel better, quite a bit better, although still not good.
So things will be better. They always will be.