Wow, what a day was today. And the day started very bad as i felt very bad when I woke up. And I was kind of scared, scared for the things that I had planned for today. And of course feeling bad made me stay in bed for a while, as usual, as I mostly wake up with a very bad feeling, feeling very bad. And of course that made it worse, made me feel guilty an more anxious, as I know part of the day the electricity is off, also in the city, so it might be off at the lawyer I needed for what I had planned for today. And I didn’t really know another lawyer to do what i wanted to be done, so it had to be this one, preferably. And of course my fear became reality, as the moment I arrived at the lawyer the electricity was off. So he couldn’t check and print the draft statement that I had made and wanted to have notarized.
But that was unimportant, looking back. And you may guess, again today i did all the things i had planned to do, including having this statement finished and notarized and sent. And looking back it wasn’t that bad, and somehow, even though I was late, I had built in quite some safety nets, but maybe more important, I was and am somehow determined to finish the things I am planning for a day. And yes, I am still careful how to plan and state those things, as I want to really make it a habit to finish the things i have planned for a day. And I’m becoming pretty good at it, as today proofs.
And somehow it’s the determination, the knowing that I am going to do something, the knowing that i am going to finish something, that makes it work. As today, despite my bad feeling and my feeling somehow not to want to do what I had planned to do, didn’t stop me. i left the house, yes late, but i left the house on the way to do the things I wanted to do, had planned to do. And no, I didn’t do them efficiently, as it took me part of the morning and most of the afternoon to just finish, print and send two letters. But i did it, and the weird thing was that when I was finished, when the second letter was on the way, I felt very satisfied. And another weird thing was that it hadn’t even taken as much time as I thought it would, even though there were many hurdles like the electricity not working at the lawyer when I arrived there the first time. An another weird thing was that I wasn’t affected that much when I arrived and my biggest fear had become reality. I just got the information and found another way to get done what i wanted to have done. And just continued on my quest on finishing what I wanted to finish, no matter what, like finishing my draft and printing the final product somewhere else. And when I came back the electricity was already back, earlier than expected. So I could have just stayed and have my document finished at the lawyer, which was my original plan. And that’s another weird thing I experienced today, as while being on the way to finish my letters and the document, I just kept thinking about alternatives, like finding another lawyer or finding another way to print, or getting the information I still needed to finish the document.
As I was just determined to finish what I wanted to finish, no matter what!
And yes, that also is still boosting my confidence, my self confidence. As with every day I finish what I planned to do, I feel stronger.
And remember, this is also something i believe you can learn if you want. As most of my life, looking back, I have not been a good planner and certainly not a good finisher. But now I am, even though it is still limited to not so many things on a day and not so risky things. But that’s exactly the point, as most of my life I think i wanted too many things, planned too many things. And that is not very encouraging, if you plan things and you don’t finish them. But now I do and I am proud of what i achieved today. And that is a very good feeling.
So what I want to emphasize is to start small, like I did almost two years ago with just planning to make the bed every day. And that’s a five minute job, but at the time even that was hard for me to finish. But that’s where i started and that’s also what i did, make the bed, every day. And slowly I added some other small things, like just buying something or finishing a small job, either work or private. And I just planned it for the day itself, or maybe the next day, but no further in the future. And i slowly extended that, and at first, when I didn’t manage things, when it was too much, I just planned less. But making the bed I did, every day. And that was what I held on to.
So start small, do only one little thing, one thing you know you can do yourself, one thing you have full control over, every day.
And it’s funny, as while writing this post the electricity went off, so I didn’t finish my things for today, or actually yesterday as it was around four thirty in the morning when the electricity came back. But yes, I guess also today I’ll make it, although it was close!
And the post was a bit longer as not everything was auto saved, but I guess the last paragraph that was there was enough:
Start small, do only one little thing, one thing you know you can do yourself, one thing you have full control over, every day. Or maybe just add to slowly extend this one thing you do, you finish every day. And just go back to the previous level if it’s not enough. Just be slow, start small..
