The ghost of fear of poverty

Recently I have been visited by the ghost of fear, especially the ghost of fear of poverty and believe me, it was no fun. And part of the last few days I have been feeling terrified and it indeed confirmed what I read in the last chapter of Think and Grow Rich: “The Six Ghosts of Fear”.

And I can confirm that the fear of poverty paralyzes the faculty of reason, destroys the faculty of imagination, kills off self reliance, undermines enthusiasm, discourages initiative, leads to uncertainty of purpose, encourages procrastination, wipes out enthusiasm and makes self control an impossibility. It takes the charm from one’s personality, destroys the possibility of accurate thinking, diverts concentration of effort, it masters persistence, turns the will-power into nothingness, destroys ambition, beclouds the memory and invites failure in every conceivable form; it kills love and assassinates the finer emotions of the heart, discourages friendship and invites disaster in a hundred forms, leads to sleeplessness, misery and unhappiness. As this is how I felt the last few days. And it was not just fear, I felt just terrified.

And I guess there is a reason that I felt this way, felt terrified most of the time the last few days. As I know I have done a lot of the things described in Think and Grow Rich, if not all, and it was just all gone, nothing was left but misery. And I thought I was well on the way to success, but apparently I have not mastered controlling fear, the six ghosts of fear, meaning that I still have work to do. So yes, there must be a reason this is the last chapter in the book, maybe the most important chapter in the book, as you can know everything about the Principles of Success and apply that knowledge, but when overtaken by fear everything just goes down the drain in a split second.

So maybe no wonder that I wanted to avoid the subject fear by just writing about positive things. As apparently my fear didn’t want to be found, didn’t want to be seen, so it could thrive or develop itself in the more hidden parts of my mind.

But somehow, somewhere today, or maybe yesterday, I realized that often reading in Think and Grow Rich gives me answers when I’m lost, when I don’t know anymore. And somehow I ended up reading the stuff I just copied above. And I forced myself to copy it by reading the text in the book and writing it, as to have an additional way of directing my brain towards the overcoming of fear, knowledge about fear.

And the solution is also given: fear is an enemy and in order to master it you need to analyze it, know everything about it, get after the truth, no matter the cost. And yes, somehow I am scared, have always been scared of the sentence to go after the truth about myself, the truth especially the weaknesses. I feared the sentence to be the court and the jury, be the prosecuting attorney and the attorney for the defense, that I am the plaintiff and the defendant. And the worst, that I am on trial.

So I wanted to start with answering the questions in the chapter about fear here, in this site, but while writing this now it feels like I first have to set up the court, the courtroom and the people in it, an imaginable courtroom and an imaginable jury, prosecuting attorney, attorney for the defense. And maybe be the judge, but maybe find someone else for that role, as suggested in the book.

And strange, I was crying a lot while writing the above. And there is also hope, it is not all negative, as there is also an attorney for the defense. And a judge, who should be fair. And a jury, who would take into account weaknesses, take into account I am only human.

And somehow I am relieved, as this IS the last chapter of the book. And I am there, I arrived, almost at the end. And I also still see myself going downstream, even though it is scary and very fast. But also exciting, event though, strangely enough, I am tempted to go back to the upstream part, as that is familiar and crowded.

But no, when thinking of the downstream I also feel excited, something like going to an easier life, a live in abundance, a life with riches, a life with a lot of money, a life that is a lot easier and full of joy.

So yes, somehow I am still making progress, even though it feels my financial situation only got worse. But somehow I know this is the end of the misery, the beginning of joy, the beginning of freedom the beginning of life.

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