The last few weeks I did some effort to look at the view here, in the morning, when opening the curtains of the bedroom. And the feeling is so different from when I, when we first arrived here. And the view didn’t really change, so I must have changed. But somehow I still blame external circumstances for what happened. And I’m not happy with the word ‘blame’ as it sounds so negative.
Stunning view, who wouldn’t be happy with this?
And I try so hard to stay positive, to be grateful what is there, what I have. And there is a lot, yes, compared to other people. But deep inside I feel there is something wrong and that I can’t help it, can’t help it all. And I worked so hard, tried to force so many things to make it better, to get what I want, to feel better, to be able to share better. But until today it didn’t really work, although I keep telling myself every now and then that I’m still here, something I wanted, something I somehow believe is what is supposed to be.
But the price is high and I also don’t know where else to go. And all the things I read are so easy to read. It’s so easy to advise other people what to do, so easy to know what to do in certain situations. And the last few days, weeks I’m starting to realize more and more that I just lack the desire, that I somehow lost hope that things will ever be OK again.
And yes, somehow my biggest fears became reality, like looking at some of my friends, my acquaintances who had no money and I was wondering how they survived. So now I know, at least right now for myself, how it feels if you don’t have any outlook, especially financially. And it’s killing me. I feel completely locked up, like nowhere to go.
And when I was younger I had more hope, more energy, more something like ‘if I keep on fighting it will be better’. But it didn’t, my fighting didn’t pay off, at least not enough (for me, for my feelings). And in my experience I tried everything, everything, I kept on moving. But in the end I gave up, even though some things have improving and some parts, important parts, maybe the most important part of my life, is clearing up.
And it’s weird, as of course I have much more experience in all kinds of things, in many areas of life and that’s kind of fun. So I have much more knowledge, basically know how to do things. But, as Napoleon Hill states, success is about applied knowledge, knowledge in itself has no value. And yes, agree, he also states everything starts with desire, and that’s exactly the thing that’s missing, so nothing is really happening.
And yes, somehow the whole Principles of Success thing starts to add up, starts to make sense, as you kind of need all those things to be successful. And some are still lacking, some came and some went away. Like my desire was bigger, very big, about a year ago, or maybe even one and a half year ago now. But it went away, being killed by all kinds of events I felt I had no control over. So what left were persistence and patience, where persistence in my case probably often ends up in being stubborn.
One major thing, one major question still stands for me and that is how to control my thoughts, as I still didn’t manage that or at least didn’t manage that in a sufficient way. And I see now that I came back to the title I gave this post: “It’s all in the mind.”, so how to control the mind?
So what can I give you except my thoughts in this post? Something like a page ‘how to control your thoughts’? Or just let it be for now? Just hope that my writings, that I guess many people would consider ‘negative’, are still interesting, still add something of value to some people, to you maybe?
Looking forward to your comments, your thoughts, as that would give me direction where to go with this project, with Inspiration for Success. And yes, that would inspire me, as maybe people can only give inspiration if they are given inspiration.