Tag Archives: Energy

Self analysis, question 19

I just pressed ‘New Post’ to create this post and suddenly felt very tired. And I have no clue why, even though I had a pretty heavy meeting tonight, but normally that doesn’t make me feel tired like right now. So I wonder if it has anything to do with the self analysis question for today: “Have you learned how to ‘down your troubles’ by being too busy to be annoyed by them?”. And the answer is no, as I often feel down and then can’t find any way to get moving (again) even though I know that mostly if I do something that I can do ‘fully’ I will feel better or just forget about everything.

So yes, I know being busy can down your troubles, make you forget your troubles, but when I feel down, which is quite often, mostly in the morning, I just can’t find the energy to get out of bed or get moving to ‘down my troubles’.

And this is very interesting as rationally I know that normally when I start moving I will feel better. But somehow that is not enough, somehow there is ‘something’ that still stops me in those moments, in those moods.

And yes, I often wonder what that something is and until now I didn’t find an answer to that, even though I know it has something to do with that I don’t believe things will be better, as they have been bad for so long.

And this brings me to the ideas around the “Law of Attraction“, the ideas that you first need to feel good, somehow need to be inspired, feel inspired to make anything good happen. And that brings me to the fact that related to that feeling better I often find myself in some negative downward spiral as I kind of try to push myself to feeling better, which of course only produces more feeling bad. And that makes me feel guilty, which makes me even feel worse.

And that brings me again to ideas like something outside of me, something like Infinite Intelligence needs to come to help. But also there I didn’t find a way yet to leave things to Infinite Intelligence or my Higher Power, at least mostly not, even though I try.

But yes, while writing I feel I am making progress. As I see and understand more and more that I am just a very small ‘something’ in a very large Universe. And yes, somehow I am also larger than that same Universe…

Flow again

Very weird what is happening lately and especially today. Somehow things are starting to flow again, not that empty feeling of ‘nothing is coming back’, not that feeling that I’m only giving, that only things are going out, energy is going out, but more the opposite, that things are coming in, that energy is coming in.

And the weird thing is that i didn’t ‘do’ anything. It just somehow happened and it is kind of following some more positive stuff that started a few days, or maybe weeks ago. So if this is supposed to be an inspiring post I’m not sure what to tell you you should ‘do’, how you would be able to change your energy when you’re in some kind of downturn.

Or maybe just indeed tell you that those things don’t last forever and that you don’t have as much control as you think you have or think you should have. So that sometimes, or maybe just always, it’s better to let things be, let thing go as they are going.

And somehow I’m not saying like you shouldn’t do anything when you’re in a down mood or in a down period, even though that’s how it sounds like that (and also feels a bit to me now and before).

So very confusing and maybe it’s indeed some kind of shift in energy in the world as I read about a few days ago (and wrote about).

So today kind of started (or ended) with music. And while before I had the feeling only energy went out, and before meaning a long, very long time where I felt I had no control and just remembered something like ‘sowing seeds’ so I could reap later on, which I did, today I felt like I was receiving a lot, just receiving something like ‘energy’.

And while listening to music, somehow starting with playlists I already have and ending playing stuff from artists with ‘T’, I just started crying, thanking The Universe for sending me this music, that special thing that has been created by so many people and, indeed, performed, vocalized by musicians, artists.

And I felt how everything connects together, these old songs, written and sang a long, long time ago and now being played from just my server network. And I was thinking about all the artists who sang these songs, and probably only once for the recording. And about all the people involved in converting this song into a record or CD (or tape). And about the music industry that connected the writers and the singers and the musicians and technicians, etc., etc. And about copyright and how right now all these things are just available to me. Something like 25,000++ songs that I just keep on my hard drive and can just play whenever I want. And for most, like 99.9% or more I didn’t even pay the artists or the people involved in creating and distributing the songs. So I felt this enormous energy, this enormous power of human music history coming to me, being with me, right at that moment, an hour ago or so. And I felt the energy of the artists singing and playing at concerts, something I never attended, but I can imagine with what power musicians ‘do’ their performance.

So yes, that’s what Napoleon Hill talks about when talking about ‘giving’ and indeed, also getting the benefits in the form of the ‘big money’, even though I’m starting to realize that even for most famous artists that’s only temporary.

And yes, I felt like wanting to ‘give back’ let this energy I felt from this music coming to me and all the things around it, all those people, all those years, all that history coming towards me with enormous power. So how quick can your system fill up when you feel empty by just playing music (or using anything else) and realizing how much ‘organized effort’ is behind it. So yes, it also made me feel humble, like one human being can do so little.

So how can i give back, that’s what came to my mind. And I’m not fully sure, as I’m just a simple web developer, not a musician or something. But I guess also the musician can do so much and only for a limited amount of time (in my mind is now Céline Dion who I saw in a movie, backstage). But yes, they gave and give more than I do now, did recently, or maybe all my life. So maybe they deserve more, I’m not sure.

But yes, it’s also a flow, like if the flow is not there, as it hasn’t been there for me for a long time, you can’t do anything. And yes, if the flow is there, like I felt this evening, you can do anything, give anything, even those great performances, in whatever occupation you are.