Tag Archives: Complaining

What would inspire me

I don’t feel much inspiration at the moment. This whole internet stuff, having no proper internet at home, has cost me a lot of energy and time. And I’m kind of a chaotic person, planning is not really my strength, so I like to do things a bit ‘ad hoc’, like when something comes into my mind I just want to do it, and often they are things I need internet access for. And as of the moment I can’t do that.

And yes, I tried to plan a bit better, like doing things in an internet cafe like I do right now. But it’s very inconvenient and I was just called to join my partner and a friend for dinner, so now it’s not easy to change my schedule as if I go home after I can’t finish this post and my other things I do for this site and for my personal blog/site because there is hardly internet.

Or maybe I can, as my partner still has an iPhone that has something like a personal hot spot that I can use to finish the posts later. So maybe that’s the solution for now.

But what I started this post with is what would inspire me, inspire me to do more for this site. And I know the answer, as the first thing I need is people who would want to make this work together with me. And yes, I have a team, but the team is not operational and is basically doing nothing, although I know at least one of them is reading my posts on a regular basis. And at least one likes my daily inspirational quote sent by e-mail.

But still, I feel alone and also don’t see much value at the moment for this site as I also didn’t manage to add more of the tools stuff I have in mind.

And yes, I found someone who was also interested to write, so maybe that’s a new start.

But yes, I could use some inspiration from other people. But maybe that’s just the thing that’s not there for me, in this life or something. As that was even the start of this site, me not feeling inspired by my dad or anyone else.

So if you want to help or inspire me, please do. Even a short comment would already help as that would mean at least someone reads this. But again, I know people do from the statistics. So maybe for now it’s just enough and I can just go on until it’s the time to reap.

Ah, and patience was and maybe still is my thing, my thing to learn.

Anyhow, thanks for reading, for visiting this site.

Guus

Other people

It seems my biggest weakness is connecting to other people. And that’s where everything seems to stop and until now I didn’t find any suggestion how to deal with that in Think and Grow Rich or the Principles of Success.

In the end I mostly find myself alone doing the work and I am starting to realize there is always more work than you can do alone if you want to achieve anything in life. And that’s where I don’t seem to succeed, put other people to work in a useful way. And before I could still put people to work by paying them, but as of the moment I don’t know how to do that, even though recently I think I did manage to motivate or inspire some people to do things.

So maybe things are going better, maybe I am meeting the right people now. Or maybe I did find a way to do things better.

So next will still be planning.

Music

Recently I started playing music again, mainly because for a year or so now we have a sound system again after the other sound system broke down. And everything I use it I think of that I/we can’t actually afford it and that buying a 3D TV again was kind of stupid, but still, I enjoy the TV and the sound system a lot, or actually the sound system as I always liked to play music, loud music.

And recently I often play music from my student years, but also from the nineties, which I consider actually my best time as then I traveled the world and we went long weekends to Berlin and Paris and such. And somehow that was a good time, even though also then I had problems, especially during my student time I had big problems. And in my relationship, when I traveled the world, there was also some deep underlying problem that finally caused the relationship to collapse.

And playing the music brought back memories, together with just enjoying the music and some new insights like how much ‘organized effort’ is behind just one recording, behind one CD, behind a tour of a band. And how different times are now, how different I am now. And somehow I miss that time, as things were much clearer, rules were much clearer, life was much clearer. In the eighties and nineties I still had just my dreams on times getting better, getting better jobs, getting more money, things improving over time. And that was also my perception of life, that if you just did your best, if your intentions were (are?) good, that everything was just OK, everything would just be OK.

And right now I don’t know anymore. I don’t really know anymore what’s right and wrong. I don’t really know anymore what I’m supposed to do from a worldly point of view. As ‘work’ and ‘money’ or ‘wealth’ were supposed to be just a part of life, were just things you didn’t really think about, even though I had some bad experiences with work. But at that time my ideas didn’t really changed. I believed that if you just pushed through and just did your best, in terms of this site if you just followed the Principles of Success, everything would be OK, at least in the material world. But it isn’t it wasn’t. Somehow the rules changed. Somehow life is different now than at that time. And I still can’t figure out what and how and what I’m supposed to do or even could do to get those things back that I enjoyed and kind of dreamed about, still dream about.

And I have the feeling I’m complaining again as many people seem to experience with me. But that’s not my point. I’m just trying to find my way in life, just as you are trying to find your way in life and life doesn’t suit me, doesn’t fit me, as probably it doesn’t suit you, doesn’t fit you, although of the last of course I can’t be sure. As many people still somehow seem to fit in and don’t struggle as much as i do. But I’m not sure.

And my partner is always complaining that I’m talking about ‘me’. And other people also do. And what I’m reading in most articles and self help books and quotes is that you first need to focus on others, first help others. And that seems to work as most of the people writing that stuff seem to be successful, at least more successful than I am. But it just doesn’t feel right, as to me it mostly feels there is not enough coming back to me, that I’m giving and giving and giving and there is not enough coming back. That the balance is gone. So maybe indeed follow what some people in the same range of articles and blogs and quotes say, that you should also take care of yourself. Or think of what the bible state, love the other the same as you love yourself. It does not state love the other more than yourself or take care of the other more than you take care of yourself. And that’s what I often do, at least that’s how it feels to me. That I do more for others than I do for myself. And that I do more for others than they do for me, where I somehow deep inside believe there should be balance.

But while writing this I also think again about what was in my head when I started to write this article. And that was that when listening to my music tonight I realized that in that simple playing of music an awful lot of stuff is going back to me,  is given to me. The effort of the writer or writers who wrote the song. The effort of the band or the singer to sing the song and play the music. The whole history of TV making, CD making, computer making, internet and whatever else is involved in playing this music from my hard disk. That all is available to me, is coming to me, coming back to me.

And that’s awesome. And at such a moment I want to give back. But then it seems nobody wants what I have to give, what I can give. And then I’m kind of back to square one in my thinking, in my guilt not being able to afford all those things. But on the other hand, it’s just there and somehow it’s given to me, no matter how and what. So better enjoy it.

Thank you, Philippines

Today another complaint and I guess a short post and I have no clue how to make this inspiring or use any of the Principles of Success of what I’m experiencing.

We have two internet connections, the second mainly because I want to have a back up connection in case something goes wrong with the other connection. And yes, the reason is to serve my customers, to make sure I’m online and can fix problems in case of urgent problems with websites of customers.

Now it happens to be that it seems that both connections are being ‘throttled’ due to our heavy use of these connections. And I don’t mind if our bandwidth is lowered down or something as we don’t really need a fast internet connection, but as of the moment it is virtually impossible to use any of the two connections due to this ‘throttling’, meaning something like switching the connections on or off or cutting off tcp/ip connectsions.

And behind all this may be a Philippine law that states that wireless connections can only download sow much per calender month to save the environment or something. Or just ‘fair use policy’ by the Internet Service Providers’.

But I just don’t get how they do it, as to me the limitation in internet use is bandwidth, the amount of data that you download or download per second or even millisecond and that has nothing to do with the total amount of data downloaded or uploaded in a month.

So as I understand it now if I continue downloading a lot of stuff like I do also for my business, for customers, somewhere halfway every month my Internet Service Providers will start ‘throttling’ my internet connection, meaning making it practically useless.

Meaning that the first half of the month I’ll have to work for the whole month and the second half of the month I can go on holiday and won’t be able to serve my customers.

Looking forward to your comments, as I don’t understand it. We have had our Smart connection for seven years or so and it has been working fine for about 99% of the time. And suddenly some rule changes and we can’t use the internet in a normal way for every second half of the month.

I’m lost.

Looking forward to your comments.

Listening and understanding

My partner keeps hammering on me that I don’t understand, that I lack understanding. And he keeps telling me that I’m wrong, that I’m doing it wrong and that I need to change. And that the whole problem is ‘me’, something like me being me.

So what to do, what to do next. Lately I have been ‘allowing’ him to be him more according to the teachings of Abraham Hicks. So I’m not complaining so much anymore about things he does and things he wants. But deep inside I keep hearing this little voice telling me “yes, but what about me?”. As somehow it seems and feels like that I’m allowing my partner a lot more than myself. And it drains me, it drains my energy. But also according to Abraham Hicks it is indeed me who has to change, or at least I read something like “…it’s not her…”.

And somehow all of this goes back to beliefs, to my beliefs, like “you reap what you sow” and “who does well, will meet well” and things like that. And maybe the beliefs “you can’t change the other person, but you can change yourself” and “if you want to change the world start with yourself”.

All very wise and nice sayings, but I can’t do so much with them, at least they were somehow not confirmed in my life, or maybe they were, but not in a way I like and I don’t know what to do to change it, to change my life. But again, I hear Abraham Hicks say that you should be happy here and now, not somewhere else.

But my inner voice keeps telling me that I cannot be that bad a person in the sense that I don’t believe I sowed that bad things related to what I’m reaping now. And yes, I always have an excuse to tell myself that that’s negative thinking. So who to believe, my inner voice (the little voice?) or the reasoning? And it seems I am treating other people very bad, as basically everybody leaves me behind. Something like it seems I don’t listen to other people. But should I be punished so bad for that? I don’t believe it.

And I turned myself inside out to please other people, to make them happy. But it didn’t work out as nobody seems to be pleasing me (and yes, I know they say you shouldn’t do things to please other people).

So what’s going on here? Deep inside I know I’m not a bad person, actually I’m a good person, although especially recently I discovered I also have my bad sides, sides that I didn’t know existed. But should I keep turning myself inside out to please other people, to ‘allow’ them? I’m willing to, but somehow I also believe there needs to be balance, giving and receiving should be in balance. And again, my inner voice says I’m not receiving enough. And yes, deep inside I know I’m not really allowing that.

So what to do, to restore the balance? Any ideas? Recognize something?