Tag Archives: Feeling

Robin Williams

For a few days now I have been thinking about writing about Robin Williams. And I guess I am not the only one, which makes me kind of, well, don’t know how to say. As that is how ‘news’ seems to work. Something happens and everybody is starting to write about it and talk about it. So now I am writing about Robin Williams, as that is ‘news’. Meaning I don’t stand out, can’t stand out, as right now many people are writing about Robin Williams.

And again, the more I read about him I am more and more amazed how famous people, rich and famous people, often seem to have problems like drinking problems and/or drug problems. And that many also suffer from depression. And somehow it makes me still annoyed, as I still believe it is better to be sad or depressed in a Mercedes Benz than in a Volkswagen (or in a Jeepney for me right now as I don’t have a car).

So yes, I still want to be rich and famous, but it seems indeed that being rich and/or famous is certainly no guarantee for being happy, for feeling good, even though I believe that someone like Robin Williams must have been better off than the most of us, being rich and famous. But strange also to hear that he had financial problems, as in his case I guess he must have earned enough to live happily ever after if he would have invested it properly. And yes, I can imagine that being a star, being a super star, also makes that your expenses are high. And yes, the more I think about it, being a movie star certainly does not mean having a stable job, as movies are just relatively short projects.

And I am not sure where this post is going. Yes, I am certainly jealous, where the Law of Attraction says that that just brings me further from my goal of being rich and famous. And please keep in mind, I don’t need to be as rich as I think Robin Williams is or has been. I just want to live a decent life with a holiday here and there and the house renovated and especially a car. And yes, most of all paying back my debts, as my debts bother me a lot as somehow I still can’t imagine that I, Guus Ellenkamp, have debts. The Guus Ellenkamp who is very good in saving and accounting and dealing with money, creating safety blankets as my partner calls it.

And yes, I learned a lot from that, from being in debt. As before it was so easy to judge people when they are or were in a bad situation, like having debts. But now I know how it works, that somehow there can be situations in life where you do things you could never imagine doing. Like I also know I can kill someone, I can kill another human being. As that is what I learned when I was stabbed and robbed.

So well, let’s be careful with another. And help each other find a way out. As right now I see no way out of my debts and it makes me very unhappy, it rules my life. And that goes back to that everything I believed in, everything I was taught when I grew up, somehow doesn’t seem to work. So yes, maybe time to change my belief. But I still can’t get out of the guilt, still can’t forgive myself for what I have done. And even if I did, I would still have the debts. So well, what Robin Williams did, and many other people, taking his life, may have been logical. As he may also not have seen a way out.

So let’s help each other, let’s look at each other, let’s check if the other person might be in a situation where he has no way out. And let’s help each other find a way out. As life is supposed to be beautiful, is supposed to be fun. At least that is what I still believe, no matter what and no matter how unhappy I am.

Best vibration possible

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The last days, weeks, I am very tired. And no matter how much I try to feel good, it doesn’t really seem to result in inspired action, the thing I am looking for. And yes, somehow I have the feeling that I needed this, needed to stop, needed to relax. But losing time is my basic feeling, as indicated by Napoleon Hill. But yes, indeed, without inspired action nothing happens. And maybe indeed the Universe needs time to get into place. As I have some quite big plans and dreams and somehow I have the feeling this time I will succeed.

So maybe just pray for me.

How far I have gotten

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There is a quote in my mind right now, and it goes something like that we often look at how far we still have to go instead of how far we have gotten. And I think I have gotten much further with my crazy internet project than I could have ever imagined. As yes, people confirm it is a crazy project. But yes, they also kind of support it, believe it would be or could be doable. And that is also what I see more and more, that people want other people to succeed, no matter what they want or how big or how small the item is they are looking to achieve. So yes, if I want to put Cagayan de Oro City on the internet map, make it the Internet City of the World, it is still some kind of crazy idea. But it is also not, as there is no real internet city as I have in mind in the world and why could Cagayan de Oro City not grow into something bigger, something big. And who wouldn’t want that?

And yes, I believe more and more that Napoleon Hill is right, and with him many other great thinkers. It all starts with service, with giving service to other people, with giving, with giving to other people. As it seems the more about giving something to the people, the people of Cagayan de Oro City, the people of Mindanao, the people of The Philippines, the better my project, my venture feels. And of course there is something in me that still says like ‘what’s in it for me?’, but if that part shows up, the good feeling becomes a little less good. As that is ‘taking’. And I believe more and more that you can only give, and receive. But you can’t take, you can’t force, you can’t force or expect other people to give you something. Or maybe you can expect, but you really have to fully let it go, you really have to fully let it up to the other person what he wants to give you.

And maybe you can ask, but I’m not fully sure how that exactly works. As if I ask the wrong way, again, I am kind of taking. It seems you really have to ask without expecting, without demanding. You really have to ask in an open way and be satisfied with whatever is given or not given.

So yes, I am learning I think. And it’s not easy, as many of my needs are not fulfilled, there are many things I am missing very much, like having enough money to live, have a car, have some holiday, visit my mam in The Netherlands and many more things. But again, you can’t force it, you just have to wait for The Universe to give. And maybe ready to receive. But you can’t force.

No water

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Today I am a bit annoyed as there is no water, still even up to now and it is almost four o’clock in the afternoon. And I am blaming the person in charge of repairing the water system. And I feel a bit guilty about that as according to the teachings of Abraham Hicks blaming does not work, even has the opposite effect. And yes, as the teachings of Abraham Hicks are very important to me I am a bit confused, a bit lost. As somehow yesterday and today things are not moving, somehow today and yesterday nothing seems to work. And in my experience it is the surrounding world that creates that, that is first, but according to Abraham Hicks it is the other way around, according to Abraham Hicks my annoyance comes first. However, in my mind is also the story about the access card, the story that you cannot go from very annoyed to very happy in one setting, that you can’t reach happiness in a state of being annoyed.

So yes, according to teachings of Abraham Hicks it would be best to see what the best feeling place would be related to where I can go right now. But it is kind of funny even, as while I am writing this, this idea just makes me more annoyed instead that it brings me to a better feeling place.

So how does this all work? I still have no clue, as today I also got a nice e-mail and my package from the US arrived with a computer add on card that will probably solve the computer problem I still have. And so also there must be something in the idea that it is best to first change your feeling, instead of first taking action. And that is also kind of how it feels to me now, because I have the feeling that whatever action I would take right now, it would not have the proper result, even though I was able to install the card in the computer and even though it seems to work.

So yes, I can still do things, but somehow I also have the feeling that I have to be very careful with what I am doing right now, as e.g. calling people or something might just not work.

So let’s indeed try to relax a bit and ignore all the things around me that are not to my liking, like the water that still does not work, meaning I can’t take a shower which means that my mood normally is bad. As my morning shower mostly makes me feel alive and makes me happy to start my day. And that didn’t happen for more than a month now, as also the water pressure has been lower than usual.

So yes, let’s try to be thankful that John John is repairing the water system and that I don’t have to do it myself. And that there was water in the shower anyhow the last few weeks, even though the pressure was a bit low.

I guess the last might be the starting point to get going.

Have a nice day!