Tag Archives: Learning

Learning from mistakes

Ulla Today was a very emotional day for me, as one of our dogs was (and is) very sick and I was quite affected with it and didn’t know what to do. And there is quite some history to this, as quite some years ago I was confronted with a very sick also and I felt wrongly advised by the vet, resulting in a dead dog, a dead puppy of maybe 2 or 3 months old. And I was very angry with the vet, as they hadn’t advised me properly, and if they would have, the dog might not have died.

So I saw myself confronted with another dog with a similar problem, not being able to keep any food or fluids in her stomach, which was the same problem the other dog had, and not really knowing what other vet to go to, as somehow this is still ‘our’ vet and probably still the best known vet in Cagayan de Oro City.

And I don’t have any money and we don’t have a car, so it’s a lot of hassle to bring a sick Rottweiler to a vet. And she really looked sick and she is already something like ten years old, so last night I kind of gave up on her already and was wondering if I would see her alive this morning. But she was still alive tonight and even moved to another place a few meters away while she could hardly walk and she looked pretty okay this morning (see photo). And she still tried to eat, although she didn’t want to drink anymore, but it was very frustrating to see that it all came out again. Somehow here digestive system couldn’t process it anymore.

So this morning I felt pretty bad and didn’t know what to do and I had no feeling whatsoever of Infinite Intelligence or God or a hunch or whatever one might look for when one is lost, so I just waited and lie a bit on the couch and just checked on the dog again and again not knowing what to do, basically waiting for her to die.

And yes, I was kind of sending prayers out to God or The Universe or whatever to give me some answer, as I really didn’t know what to do and had no feeling about it. And no, no answer came.

Until, somehow I posted a message in Facebook (with above photo) sharing my feeling of being lost an confused, not expecting anything.

And then, somehow my prayer was answered. As when I checked later I saw the post got quite some comments, some of them urging me to go to a vet NOW. And I didn’t get the answer fully yet, as I asked for help, help that didn’t really come in the form of someone offering to bring me to the vet in his or her car.

And then, somehow I went to Ulla and saw her eat the baby food we gave her again and again, trying to somehow keep it inside, which she didn’t manage. And then I knew it was time to move, indeed get a taxi and just bring her to the vet to figure out what was wrong with her, as somehow she hadn’t given up on herself, where I was not sure whether to give up or not.

And looking back it was indeed some inspired answer, something Infinite Intelligence, as I just knew what to do and that it was the right thing. And indeed, as indicated in Law of Attraction stuff, somehow things started to move by themselves. I informed the vet she didn’t need to come to the house anymore, which I had requested before, but what didn’t happen. And apparently for a reason, as looking back I would have needed to go down to the city anyhow. And a taxi was quickly found and soon we were on the way to the vet. And the vet just did her job and analyzed what was going on and sent us out for x-rays (strange, didn’t know that was also done with dogs). And everybody was just helpful and tried to figure out what was (and maybe still is) wrong with her. And I also knew I had to leave her behind, something I kind of dreaded, as with the other dog the next day I just had to pick up a dead dog and had to pay a pretty large bill.

And it was relatively easy to do all those things and to trust all those people and Ulla also seemed to know, as even on the x-ray table she wiggled her tail and seemed pretty okay. And it was strange to see and know that the helper of the vet still knows Ulla and he just joined us to the x-ray venue and carried Ulla on his own (as I try to avoid carrying because of my back injury and our helper that I asked to join seemed not needed for carrying her).

And the hardest part, leaving Ulla behind, as I wanted her to be on IV, wasn’t as hard as I expected and Ulla seemed pretty okay in the cage alone with the other dogs. And no, of course this may not end good like her having a real big problem with her intestines, or she may just die tonight. But the last I doubt as she is looked in pretty good shape and alive, especially after receiving the IV fluids, contrary to the other dog, but everything just felt right.

And this all made me think of learning from mistakes, one of the self analysis questions, and I think I learned a lot, even though I thought I was making the same mistake again. But I didn’t, as this time I didn’t wait so long before taking charge. And I shared with other people what was going on. And I took responsibility for all the decisions I made (and didn’t and probably won’t blame the vet for anything).

So of course I don’t know if Ulla is going to be okay again, I mean she is getting old and she is still pretty sick and weak. But I doubt she is going to die in the clinic as she looked quite okay when I left and I am determined that if she is going to die she will die at home.

Self analysis, question 33

Leave a reply

Ah, another question I don’t like: “Do you analyze all mistakes and failures and try to profit by them or, do you take the attitude that this is not your duty”? So it seems we are getting somewhere as I think I am facing some more things now than I did in the past, much more things.

The most important issue here I think is that I don’t admit mistakes really. Mostly I reason that in the given circumstances I did not have any other chance than deciding what I decided, which of course in a way is true. But it implies that I never make mistakes, or at least not admit I made mistakes. And the last is probably not really helpful for my progress.

So what’s a mistake? Something like ‘something wrong’.

And right now I am very, very tired, so it may not be wise to continue here now.

But no, I don’t analyze all mistakes and failures and I am certainly not trying to profit from them as I don’t admit making them…

Self analysis, question 31

Leave a reply

I just read an early version of my desire document and I realized it is all about hope, at least right now for me. As I passed most of the initial deadlines and my biggest desire is kind of in ruins as of the moment, even though I decided not to give up yet to really achieve it.

And right now I am thinking how important it is to really read my (or your) desire document aloud twice a day or at least regularly, as it keeps your mind focused on what you want and how to achieve it and what you are willing to give. And I didn’t do that for a while as I was scared as some things start to take long, too long for me feeling comfortable.

But somehow just reading it right now again the whole thing just comes back, the thing or things I really want in life, the things I decided to do some two and a half years ago, starting from the ideas of Napoleon Hill. And somehow there may be a reason for reading it now, realizing what is going on now, as lately, especially the last few days, maybe weeks, I was very down and a bit confused, which seems to go back all to fear. And fear is what the end of Think and Grow Rich is all about, as fear seems indeed to be the biggest enemy of all as I see and feel now, especially the last few days, weeks, how destructive fear is or can be, as it seems most of my misery goes back to fear.

And also maybe there is a reason I am going through this right now, as Napoleon Hill writes that in order to conquer something we need to know all about it. And I am starting to know more and more about fear and I see more an more how destructive it is. So maybe I am given this period to write about it or maybe just experience it so I can work on overcoming it, dealing with it.

So let’s continue with the next self analysis question:“Has today added anything of value to your stock of knowledge or state of mind?”. And I think I just confirmed with the above that I did, as I know a little more about fear again and also what effect it has on my state of mind.

So that’s a nice end to this post where I though I was writing about something else than the subject I was planning to write about, but I was wrong.

And yes, maybe worthwhile to ask yourself this question every day, every end of the day. Which may even lead to a good start for the next day, to be aware if the day, the things you are planning to do or are doing, are adding something to your stock of knowledge or have influence on your state of mind. And if it is improving your state of mind or not.

So maybe something to print and put on your desk or your mirror so you can see it in the morning or if you are at work.

How far I have gotten

Leave a reply

There is a quote in my mind right now, and it goes something like that we often look at how far we still have to go instead of how far we have gotten. And I think I have gotten much further with my crazy internet project than I could have ever imagined. As yes, people confirm it is a crazy project. But yes, they also kind of support it, believe it would be or could be doable. And that is also what I see more and more, that people want other people to succeed, no matter what they want or how big or how small the item is they are looking to achieve. So yes, if I want to put Cagayan de Oro City on the internet map, make it the Internet City of the World, it is still some kind of crazy idea. But it is also not, as there is no real internet city as I have in mind in the world and why could Cagayan de Oro City not grow into something bigger, something big. And who wouldn’t want that?

And yes, I believe more and more that Napoleon Hill is right, and with him many other great thinkers. It all starts with service, with giving service to other people, with giving, with giving to other people. As it seems the more about giving something to the people, the people of Cagayan de Oro City, the people of Mindanao, the people of The Philippines, the better my project, my venture feels. And of course there is something in me that still says like ‘what’s in it for me?’, but if that part shows up, the good feeling becomes a little less good. As that is ‘taking’. And I believe more and more that you can only give, and receive. But you can’t take, you can’t force, you can’t force or expect other people to give you something. Or maybe you can expect, but you really have to fully let it go, you really have to fully let it up to the other person what he wants to give you.

And maybe you can ask, but I’m not fully sure how that exactly works. As if I ask the wrong way, again, I am kind of taking. It seems you really have to ask without expecting, without demanding. You really have to ask in an open way and be satisfied with whatever is given or not given.

So yes, I am learning I think. And it’s not easy, as many of my needs are not fulfilled, there are many things I am missing very much, like having enough money to live, have a car, have some holiday, visit my mam in The Netherlands and many more things. But again, you can’t force it, you just have to wait for The Universe to give. And maybe ready to receive. But you can’t force.

A lot happened

Leave a reply

Wow, the last few days a lot of things happened. And I’m not sure how to share all that, as especially I’m late and I need some rest and I still want to do some item from my daily to-do list.

So maybe just a small list of what happened.

Yesterday, Sunday, I realized that I had missed my planning on Saturday. And the reason was that in my mind I had nothing planned for the days around the funeral, but in fact I had. A lot even, including for today. And I was kind of shocked finding that out.

A second thing I found out was that I had planned some goals for June 15 and that I also had not made all those goals, including me not realizing what was the day I planned them as it felt still far away.

So what is good about this. Well, it goes back to what Napoleon Hill says about writing things down, as then you can analyze. And indeed, by having written those things down I can indeed see what is happening, what has happened and as I am so serious now with all those things it makes it clearer how it all works and being more systematic makes it easier for me to learn better how to plan, how to set goals, and indeed how to reach them. Something like what to do and what not to do and knowing more what works and what doesn’t work.

So yes, what i read somewhere quite some time ago about self help sites and self help books and why they don’t work for most people, may be true. That indeed if you don’t actually DO the things that are written, that are advised, you also don’t get the benefits or the success.

So maybe two things I would advise you to do NOW:

Start with your desire document.
Start with making the bed every day.

And that was another experience today, as sometimes I am scared of my desire document as it all seems too much, too impossible and at those times I don’t read it, don’t even dare to look at it. As I did the last few days.

But today somehow I read it again, and whenever I read it, yes, aloud, I realize it is more and more me, or more and more the me I want to become, or more and more the things I want, the things I want to achieve. It is just me and the current version seems to be stated virtually perfect. And no, I didn’t change the basics, but yes, I made some changes to improve it, to make it more me.

So just start.