Tag Archives: Giving

Help the poor

I bumped into the initiative of the Kalinga foundation a few days ago. And I sent them an e-mail as I still want to do something for the poor people in The Philippines. And I saw their focus is on helping children living on a garbage dump in Manila. And of course it’s a very good cause to help ‘poor children on a garbage dump’, but I think the economic problems in The Philippines go much deeper than just ‘people being poor’. The longer I am here, the more I realize there is a reason, there are reasons why The Philippines is poor, or at least why many people in The Philippines are poor. And those reasons go very deep, they go back to culture and upbringing and the resulting attitudes from that. And without changing that you can’t achieve any result in the reduction of poverty, as it’s the system, the culture that makes The Philippines, makes many people in The Philippines poor, even including me at the moment, but that’s just incidental, I’m just a sample. And maybe the statements I am making now are just the reason why I’m here, why I am in this situation I am right now, this situation also of poverty which I don’t like, even though I don’t really lead a life in poverty as I still have enough to eat and to drink and still have a decent house to live in and still take my daily hot shower. But yes, I feel poor and basically I am poor, as I still have some capital left in the form of the capital invested in the house, but related to day-to-day living I am poor as I don’t earn enough to sustain myself and my partner and I ended up in quite some substantial debts, even though those debts are smaller than the capital still present in the form of the value of the house.

So related to all those poor people I see all around me and all over The Philippines I am thinking more and more in terms of what I would tell myself to get myself going again, to get out of poverty. And I still didn’t find the answer to that as I basically lost hope to find a decent income, to find customers or even to find a job.

What I want and need

So maybe let’s go from there. What would I need to get me moving again, moving in a direction that would lead me to a higher income. Or what circumstances would need to change in order to give me hope again, make me move again. And don’t get me wrong, I’m still moving somehow, but somehow I also lost all hope of finding customers again, a sufficient number of customers to work forty hours a week or so and at least go back to a financial level where I can sustain myself and my partner and start paying back my financial debts.

So what would make me move again right now? Well, just customers finding me I guess. Customers wanting and needing my services, wanting and needing the stuff that I have built over time and use that to build websites and web applications. And no, not the other way around, because I have no clue on how to find customers. I tried many things and it just doesn’t seem to be my thing. And following from that I would also be inspired by someone believing in my skills, in the services and products I can offer, believing that much that he or she would sell my services and products to customers.

Alternative would be people enjoying to stay in The Malasag House and paying for it. Paying guests, although I might have trouble with my partner in that, but if people would be really interested staying here, staying with me, enjoying the house, enjoying my company, yes, that would also give me hope, inspire me.

And next step would be to find people who I can rebuild the company with, rebuild Active Discovery Designs with. People who want to be part of a professional ‘anything internet’ company. People who would enjoy learning from me and at the same time enjoying producing quality products for customers or doing other office work in a nice, efficient way.

And then, yes then, I would be able to think further again. Enjoy my own life again with a nice car and some holiday and indeed giving to the poor, giving back to the world. So sound simple, isn’t it? I just need other people needing me, needing my services, needing what I have to offer.

System changes needed

Ah, but I forget something here, something that came into my mind earlier. There are some things in the system, in the culture that are really annoying and are really blocking progress in The Philippines. Recent sample is that I found out that one of our internet providers is limiting our connection to something like half the speed with service interruptions for every second half of the month. And compared to other countries internet speed is already very slow. And internet is already very expensive. And that’s where somehow the culture, the government, isn’t able to make sure that systems, that companies work efficiently, at least not compared to at least the Western countries, the Western world. And those type of things are everywhere and they are very annoying and are taking away huge amounts of initiative and energy of people and of companies. So yes, if anything is to change, also something needs to change in the government, as somehow these things go back to how the country is government. But I’m not sure. It might as well be the culture, the system, the way how things work here, the way how things are done.

Start for the poor

So where to start when looking at ‘the poor people’, the people on the other side of the road (yes, on the other side of the road of where my house is there is a very poor community). Or indeed the children on the garbage dump that the Kalinga foundation is trying to help. Maybe the first thing they would need is indeed something like food and other daily needs, the things I still have, the things I don’t worry too much about. But I guess the next thing they would need would also be something like the feeling to be needed, the feeling of doing something useful. So maybe the first thing would be to just ask them what are their dreams, ask them what they want in life. Do they want to be a truck driver or a Jeepney driver? Or maybe an artist? Or a sailor or a ships captain? Or a pilot? Or a government employee, president of The Philippines of president of the United States?

Help the world

Well, maybe just discuss this with the people of the Kalinga foundation. Maybe we can find some answers there and maybe those answers would lead to solutions, for The Philippines and/or for the people in The Philippines. Or maybe even solutions for the world and all people in the world.

Because in the end I guess we all want the same: be needed, feel needed. Of course after our basic needs are met.

Music

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Recently I started playing music again, mainly because for a year or so now we have a sound system again after the other sound system broke down. And everything I use it I think of that I/we can’t actually afford it and that buying a 3D TV again was kind of stupid, but still, I enjoy the TV and the sound system a lot, or actually the sound system as I always liked to play music, loud music.

And recently I often play music from my student years, but also from the nineties, which I consider actually my best time as then I traveled the world and we went long weekends to Berlin and Paris and such. And somehow that was a good time, even though also then I had problems, especially during my student time I had big problems. And in my relationship, when I traveled the world, there was also some deep underlying problem that finally caused the relationship to collapse.

And playing the music brought back memories, together with just enjoying the music and some new insights like how much ‘organized effort’ is behind just one recording, behind one CD, behind a tour of a band. And how different times are now, how different I am now. And somehow I miss that time, as things were much clearer, rules were much clearer, life was much clearer. In the eighties and nineties I still had just my dreams on times getting better, getting better jobs, getting more money, things improving over time. And that was also my perception of life, that if you just did your best, if your intentions were (are?) good, that everything was just OK, everything would just be OK.

And right now I don’t know anymore. I don’t really know anymore what’s right and wrong. I don’t really know anymore what I’m supposed to do from a worldly point of view. As ‘work’ and ‘money’ or ‘wealth’ were supposed to be just a part of life, were just things you didn’t really think about, even though I had some bad experiences with work. But at that time my ideas didn’t really changed. I believed that if you just pushed through and just did your best, in terms of this site if you just followed the Principles of Success, everything would be OK, at least in the material world. But it isn’t it wasn’t. Somehow the rules changed. Somehow life is different now than at that time. And I still can’t figure out what and how and what I’m supposed to do or even could do to get those things back that I enjoyed and kind of dreamed about, still dream about.

And I have the feeling I’m complaining again as many people seem to experience with me. But that’s not my point. I’m just trying to find my way in life, just as you are trying to find your way in life and life doesn’t suit me, doesn’t fit me, as probably it doesn’t suit you, doesn’t fit you, although of the last of course I can’t be sure. As many people still somehow seem to fit in and don’t struggle as much as i do. But I’m not sure.

And my partner is always complaining that I’m talking about ‘me’. And other people also do. And what I’m reading in most articles and self help books and quotes is that you first need to focus on others, first help others. And that seems to work as most of the people writing that stuff seem to be successful, at least more successful than I am. But it just doesn’t feel right, as to me it mostly feels there is not enough coming back to me, that I’m giving and giving and giving and there is not enough coming back. That the balance is gone. So maybe indeed follow what some people in the same range of articles and blogs and quotes say, that you should also take care of yourself. Or think of what the bible state, love the other the same as you love yourself. It does not state love the other more than yourself or take care of the other more than you take care of yourself. And that’s what I often do, at least that’s how it feels to me. That I do more for others than I do for myself. And that I do more for others than they do for me, where I somehow deep inside believe there should be balance.

But while writing this I also think again about what was in my head when I started to write this article. And that was that when listening to my music tonight I realized that in that simple playing of music an awful lot of stuff is going back to me, is given to me. The effort of the writer or writers who wrote the song. The effort of the band or the singer to sing the song and play the music. The whole history of TV making, CD making, computer making, internet and whatever else is involved in playing this music from my hard disk. That all is available to me, is coming to me, coming back to me.

And that’s awesome. And at such a moment I want to give back. But then it seems nobody wants what I have to give, what I can give. And then I’m kind of back to square one in my thinking, in my guilt not being able to afford all those things. But on the other hand, it’s just there and somehow it’s given to me, no matter how and what. So better enjoy it.

Clarity

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Nice, having one of the team members visiting, for two reasons. The first because I just enjoy philosophizing a bit in general and of course about Inspiration for Success, about what I want to achieve, in life, for the world. And second because this was the time to ask him why he and the other team members don’t spend any time on the project anymore, at least not any visible effort. And part of the answer was because the project doesn’t pay now, there is no financial return as of the moment. And that amazed me a bit as I though I never promised any quick return and certainly no money as I thought each of the team members knows or could have know I don’t have money to invest, at least not for this project, even though it may be even the most important project in my life as of the moment.

And on my question why he has not fulfilled his promises, like writing monthly a certain amount of content, the answer was basically the same: I am not being paid for this, so this has low priority. And this answer amazed me a bit as to me a promise is a promise, while to him apparently a business promise (with contract and payment and such) is a promise and a non-business promise is, well, I don’t know, but something that can be broken relatively easy. And this surprised me, as to me a promise is a promise, whether business or private. And I don’t make so much difference between business and private.

And somewhere during the conversation we came to talk about some business problem I have, which has some similarities with the team issues in Inspiration for Success as I don’t understand why the customer doesn’t make a decision, while in my opinion he is putting his business in danger by having a kind of undefined situation with his website, basically meaning I could cut him off any moment if I want to, which would put him in a very difficult position as his business is, at least in my opinion, in a large part dependent on his website. But somehow he doesn’t seem to realize, where e.g. my team doesn’t seem to realize that my commitment on receiving one million dollar for each of the team members on or before October 19, 2014 was and still is a very serious statement and commitment, which in my opinion was also my ‘giving’ part of the business deal for their effort for Inspiration for Success, especially for their activities, their promises for contributing regularly to the website.

And suggestion of my team member today related to my issue with this customer was just to make a clear statement and ask him to make a decision as I am fully lost what this customer wants from me while I have the feeling I gave him everything and more and have the best solution for him, while at the moment his is even shopping around for other solutions, which business wise does not make any sense to me for all kinds of reasons (and I think I know what I’m talking about here). But maybe my team member was right, maybe it is just not clear to him where he stands. Maybe I was and am not clear enough.

And the same may apply to my team, to my team members. Maybe I was not clear enough about my statement about the one million dollar each, where today I heard they probably didn’t believe it. And yes, I can imagine they don’t believe it, but my statement was very serious and my related desire document was also very serious, even though the last few weeks, months I didn’t read it aloud anymore. But yes, today’s conversation made clear I need to take these things seriously again myself. And be more clear what I want and what I stand for.

So also question to you: are you clear and do you know what you stand for? And do other people know?

Listening and understanding

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My partner keeps hammering on me that I don’t understand, that I lack understanding. And he keeps telling me that I’m wrong, that I’m doing it wrong and that I need to change. And that the whole problem is ‘me’, something like me being me.

So what to do, what to do next. Lately I have been ‘allowing’ him to be him more according to the teachings of Abraham Hicks. So I’m not complaining so much anymore about things he does and things he wants. But deep inside I keep hearing this little voice telling me “yes, but what about me?”. As somehow it seems and feels like that I’m allowing my partner a lot more than myself. And it drains me, it drains my energy. But also according to Abraham Hicks it is indeed me who has to change, or at least I read something like “…it’s not her…”.

And somehow all of this goes back to beliefs, to my beliefs, like “you reap what you sow” and “who does well, will meet well” and things like that. And maybe the beliefs “you can’t change the other person, but you can change yourself” and “if you want to change the world start with yourself”.

All very wise and nice sayings, but I can’t do so much with them, at least they were somehow not confirmed in my life, or maybe they were, but not in a way I like and I don’t know what to do to change it, to change my life. But again, I hear Abraham Hicks say that you should be happy here and now, not somewhere else.

But my inner voice keeps telling me that I cannot be that bad a person in the sense that I don’t believe I sowed that bad things related to what I’m reaping now. And yes, I always have an excuse to tell myself that that’s negative thinking. So who to believe, my inner voice (the little voice?) or the reasoning? And it seems I am treating other people very bad, as basically everybody leaves me behind. Something like it seems I don’t listen to other people. But should I be punished so bad for that? I don’t believe it.

And I turned myself inside out to please other people, to make them happy. But it didn’t work out as nobody seems to be pleasing me (and yes, I know they say you shouldn’t do things to please other people).

So what’s going on here? Deep inside I know I’m not a bad person, actually I’m a good person, although especially recently I discovered I also have my bad sides, sides that I didn’t know existed. But should I keep turning myself inside out to please other people, to ‘allow’ them? I’m willing to, but somehow I also believe there needs to be balance, giving and receiving should be in balance. And again, my inner voice says I’m not receiving enough. And yes, deep inside I know I’m not really allowing that.

So what to do, to restore the balance? Any ideas? Recognize something?

Allowing

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I like very much the idea of Abraham Hicks about ‘allowing’, like letting it in, like not resisting things. And especially allowing yourself and allowing others, although I still don’t fully get how it all works, but I have some idea and I do kind of agree with it, that it could work, that it works.

And it’s funny, because while writing I still don’t exactly know how Abraham Hicks came into being, if he is just a very good idea from Esther (and Jerry?) Hicks or if she believed herself that she was inspired by a spiritual entity. And yes, I believe there is more than what we (I?) just see as reality, so there is something like a spiritual force that makes things move, makes humans move. But I also see just very clever ‘personality development workshops’ behind the work of Esther and Jerry Hicks. So I’m not fully sure what to believe, but in the end that doesn’t really matter as the ideas are very good and I still use the stuff from the thirty day workbook I found some time ago.

And i’m still very much struggling with, or maybe a better phrase would be ‘working with’ this allowing thing, and the weird thing I found is that it seems to be easier to allow others to be as they are than to allow myself to be as I am. And somehow there is always something ‘ego’ in the background that want something ‘back’ when I allow something from someone else or give something to someone else. And that makes me feel guilty, although in the end I also believe there needs to be balance in the Universe and also balance in the giving and, yes the word taking is still there with me, receiving.

So somehow i still tend to ‘give’ and ‘allow’ too much, meaning I don’t take care enough of myself. And actually I am wondering if people recognize this, if you recognize this. And how many people feel like this.

So yes, looking forward to your comments on this subject.