Tag Archives: Thinking

Self analysis, question 24

Today a big step forward with DoctorsConnect and also a lot to tell, but I am not in the mood for a random post so I’ll just continue with my self analysis. And today’s question is an interesting one, at least for me: “Dos anyone ‘nag’ you, and if so, for what reason?”.

And the first thing that comes into my mind is “yes, my partner nags me” and the second thing is that I have no clue why, even though lately I think I have a better idea about the reason or reasons than before. And the third thing that comes into my mind is the question if my mam also nags me. And then of course the next question would also be ‘why’.

And talking about the reason I think the answer is that I don’t stand up for myself, that my self confidence is very low, especially when dealing with my partner. So it seems that somehow I am (still?) setting myself up as a victim, meaning my partner can’t do anything else than overrule me, overpower me.

And this is strange as I thought my self confidence increased a lot over the last few years where before I even presumed I had a pretty okay level of self confidence. As in general I did and do my own thing and don’t bother so much about what other people think. But as said, that’s what I thought. And right now I am not so sure anymore as it seems that most of the things I do, most of the thoughts I have are about what other people would think if I do this or that.

And still, of course it is natural that we humans are mainly focused on what other people think. And that means, at least in our own mind, that we are thinking about what other people think or would think. As in the end the whole world, humanity, is about interacting with each other. So other people are important.

So that is still the main subject of being human: the relation between me and the other, the relation between inside and outside.

Self analysis, question 20

Leave a reply

It can’t be but I must be making progress as I have been very serious answering these questions, but somehow it doesn’t feel like that still often. Well, let’s go with question 20: “Would you call yourself a ‘spineless weakling’ if you permitted others to do your thinking for you”?

And I guess that is a good question for today as I was very down as things didn’t turn out as I wanted them to be or actually I can’t get people to do what I want. And that frustrates me as apparently I am not able to induce people to do things (that I want). Or I am still not able to induct people.

And the main thing that made me feel down was that my partner in the DoctorsConnect project, even the initiator of the project, didn’t want to celebrate our launch or even the 90 day birthday of our project. And I had been pushing to do at least ‘something’ today, the day we targeted as the launch date for DoctorsConnect, but in the end last night he really didn’t seem to want to do anything.

And for quite a while I knew we would not be ready for a big launch with inviting doctors and such, but to me doing at least something today, even if it were just a lunch or dinner together or even having cake together would have been enough, but no, my partner didn’t want it and just wanted to postpone the launch.

And there are several big issues here, as this is the second time we didn’t make an important deadline as we also agreed on January 25, 2015 there would be ten doctors using the system. And if it would have been five or even just one I could have lived with that. But until now we still don’t have any doctor using the system, meaning we are far behind schedule.

And I know I also didn’t deliver everything as promised, at least not always in the required quality. But also today I delivered one of the things that according to my partner was missing in the system. And I am not even sure if he noticed.

And I just looked back at the question of today and I realize it may be time for action. As this just doesn’t work, at least not for me. So maybe start thinking and deciding for myself.

Higher Power

Leave a reply

I was not aware that the phrase Higher Power was so connected to twelve steps programs, but while searching for it, those were the things that came up. Weird, as to me Higher Power could mean anything from any religion, like God or Allah or maybe even Buddha, although the last does not present himself as God or something.

And I am also still searching what it means for me, as in the end the first thing I think of when thinking of higher is God, the God I grew up with, the God from the bible in a bit a modified form. But I understand that in the Twelve Steps Programs Higher Power could mean anything, including something like the group you are in.

Or maybe I do know how I see Higher Power, something like the consciousness that developed somehow by the ‘something’ that somehow came into existence as what we now call the Universe. And humans are somehow the next level, the expression of consciousness. And that thought is a bit scary, as that implies there is nothing more than ‘I’, than Guus Ellenkamp, finding his purpose in this ‘something’ that somehow came into existence. As he is just the expression of the questions like the ‘why’ and ‘what for’. And there are no answers to that, except that you indeed would have to find your own purpose ‘the’ purpose, of everything, where there is none. As something just somehow came into being and got ‘aware’.

Mmm, tough stuff, but I guess that is what I believe in the end, even though I don’t fully get how things like time fit into that. But a very interesting concept and it gives an explanation why we, or maybe just I, am looking for a purpose and created something like ‘others’ to not be alone.

River of poverty, or richess

Leave a reply

Tonight in a conversation and the last few days, weeks, the image of the river of poverty/riches as described by Napoleon Hill came into my mind quite a few times. As somehow it feels like I have moved myself or am moving from the down stream side to the up stream side, even though I don’t see any sign of real money coming my way. But somehow I do feel different, somehow I did gain a lot of confidence, self confidence, recently. Somehow I conquered or am conquering my fear or my fears. As right now somehow I am really worried, as right now I don’t have any real income, no actual projects to work on, at least not from Active Discovery, at least not paid. But unlike before the feeling is different. Yes, I do feel a little uncomfortable, but somehow I know I did the right thing, like focusing on customer satisfaction, focusing on the customer, focusing on service. And it did pay off, as a few days ago I got the message from one of my customers, my main customer for the last few months, that his people were very happy with the data entry system that I have built. And keep in mind, this is and was one of the most difficult customers I have ever encountered. And it has not been easy to fulfill his needs, even though, especially looking back, his needs are very normal and reasonable from his point of view. So yes, I felt very proud and satisfied with that compliment, even though it didn’t result in any more work from him, or any references (yet).

More amazing was, that I found that his most recent venture seems to be life coaching, a bit related to what I am trying to do with this site, with Inspiration for Success, and am also trying to do in life in general, when meeting people. And his site, his work, Ga voor goud, seems to be a bit the standard type coaching stuff which can be found anywhere on the internet, but somehow, while checking the content, it seems he is really into this. And that amazes me a bit, as I never imagined that type of more ‘soft’, social stuff from him, like he mentions e.g. meditation. As he appears to be a pretty ‘business type’ business man, mainly commercial. But looking at his site Ga voor goud, there must be more. So there is often more to people than meets the eye…

But I am getting a bit off my subject, the subject of going ‘downstream’, towards poverty (or mishap or misery or…), or going ‘upstream’, towards riches (or happiness, ‘luck’ or …).

So amazingly, even though in my real life nothing really changed, maybe even got worse related to business and finance, I am realizing more and more that somehow my mindset has changed. That somehow I am much, much more self confident, much, much more confident that what I am doing is the right thing. And next to this I am much more focused on ‘positive’, on seeing the positive side of everything. And somehow the Universe, the world, the people around me, seem to respond to that. Somehow indeed by just looking at the positive, expecting the positive, the positive also happens, happens in my life. So somehow I am getting more and more confirmed that ‘thoughts’, whether positive or negative or whatever, not only attract similar thoughts, but also attract similar events, similar responses from the environment, from people.

Amazing, isn’t it?

Success consciousness

1 Reply

I never really understood the idea of success consciousness, but especially recently I am starting to feel more and more success… conscious. And I still can’t fully figure out how it happened, even though I know it started somewhere in my deepest down in life around two years ago, towards the end of the year 2012. And, if you have read more here you will know, it started somehow with the book Think and Grow Rich from Napoleon Hill. And while writing this I realize I often think I never got my ‘break’, the thing I believe most or all successful people have. But maybe this was just my ‘break’, meeting Napoleon Hill and his ideas about how to achieve success. And maybe was the person who gave me the book, actually lent me his, the person who gave me my break. As I also believe there must be some person giving someone his or her ‘break’ towards success. But no, while writing this it was not really like that, but please note how I somehow am looking very positively at that event, where before I would just have not realized how a simple event like lending someone a book could be something very special, something very positive.

And that is what I notice more and more, how I see most things happening to me now as a positive, as the Universe helping me to achieve success, where before I was just annoyed, as I guess most people are, when I had to wait for something or if things don’t turn out the way I expected them to be. Like today I was in such a situation where my two meetings, the main reason I went to the city for, were cancelled, postponed. And before I would just be annoyed and would end up in a very bad mood. But today I just thought that something better must be on the way, that there must be a reason for the delay. And it doesn’t mean that that feeling of being annoyed is not really there and it didn’t mean I didn’t try to push through with the meetings, but I just left it to the Universe, to the other people to decide whether they would still be able or want to entertain me. And I just went my way, did my errands, enjoyed the extra time I had, relaxed a bit and finally decided to just go home. Or not go home, as I decided to visit an acquaintance I wanted to visit already for quite some time, but never really did. And that person was not there, but his brother was, and he offered me a cup of coffee, which I decided to take. And he didn’t really seem to want to entertain me, but when he was out for a smoke another visitor and me found ourselves having a nice chat.

So yes, something I never realized before, never wanted to believe before, most or maybe even all what happens to us, or at least the way it happens to us or what we do with it, how we feel about it, is just in the mind. And if your mindset is negative, you will experience negative, as if your mindset is negative you will focus on the negative, and more important, your environment will react to it, will indeed join you in your vibration, as Abraham Hicks often points it out so nice. And there is not even a real secret to it. Just imagine what would have happened if I had reacted to my cancelled, my postponed meetings in a negative way, in a disappointed or frustrated way. I would have just been annoyed or angry. Or just blame the other parties for not keeping to their agreement with me. So I would have reacted differently to the other people I met, I would have behaved differently, would have done different things, something like finishing my errands in stress and trying to go home as quickly as possible or something. So I would feel right now that I had a bad day, a shitty day and I would have probably experienced that other people had reacted very different to me, in my angry, annoyed mood. And I would certainly not have visited my friends place, meaning no coffee and no nice chat.

And don’t get me wrong, I can still get annoyed and I was certainly not happy while I was just on the way and my first meeting partner cancelled the meeting. And also not when my second meeting partner also wanted to postpone the meeting, meaning that I could have just skipped my visit to the city, something that still involves quite some time and effort as I don’t have a car. But I quickly changed my thoughts, starting indeed with the thought that there must be a good reason for this and that the Universe had its reasons for what happened, maybe even meeting that person I met the end of the day.

Please note that if you are still more into the negative thinking and don’t understand those things yet, those things took me more than half a life time to learn, to understand, to experience. But if even a hard headed person like me can turn around and learn to see the positive side of things, I’m sure you also can learn this. As it seems it’s just a learned skill, a habit, that can be learned, acquired by just a little bit of practice. And yes, step one is awareness, be aware of your thoughts. Once you got there, the rest is relatively easy.