Tag Archives: Life

Strange day

Today was a strange day as somehow I couldn’t get going. And looking back I still did quite a lot of important things, but even now I feel like standing still, or having stood still, as I didn’t write my posts yet and it is later than usual, or at least later than I wanted it to be for this.

Maybe even more strange is that today, when on my way to the city in a Jeepney, for the first time in a very long time I really felt happy, really happy. And I don’t exactly know why, except that I am more ‘in flow’ lately and that some song was being played that struck me emotionally and made me even cry (from happiness).

And earlier I couldn’t get going and was just waiting to hitch a ride with my partner, as I wanted to meet someone who was only available today, and then for quite some days anymore. And looking back I should have stopped earlier, gone to the city earlier, as it seems that is what the Universe seemed to want to tell me, that this meeting was important. And somehow it was, as we talked a lot about my big project, or actually projects, and I think we made quite some progress.

And yes, the more I think about it, dream about it, it seems that I don’t have to do alone what I have in mind. It seems somehow things are going more automatic, more automatic than before, so I just don’t have to do everything, I don’t have to push and pull anymore to get things done, just listen to my feeling, to my instinct.

So somehow what Napoleon Hill and Abraham Hicks have been writing about (and the last one is still writing about) it is true that there is something like Infinite Intelligence or God that makes everything happen.

So we don’t have to do it alone. It has all already been arranged. We just need to listen, listen to that inner voice.

Dreams of the poor

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Today we were driving through a very poor neighborhood. You could call it slums. And while driving there I was wondering what people in those neighborhoods are dreaming of, what people in those neighborhoods want to achieve in life. And I have thought about that more often lately, as e.g. I have been trying to help a fourteen year old boy from a poor family dream bigger. And I am not sure if I arrived, as in the end he cheated on me, so I didn’t trust him anymore. And I told him that. And then he didn’t come back. So maybe I have given him something, something for a better life, maybe not. Time will tell.

And no, I’m not so much upset about those things anymore. As it is his life, it is life, and I just tried to do my best and it is up to him what to do with it. And yes, I know a person like me, a grown up, a foreigner, might make quite some impression. And as I know what other people can do to children, like the influence parents have over how a child developed, I have been very careful what I told him, what I tried to teach him. And yes, I was a bit disappointed he didn’t come back. But that is maybe partly because of the culture. As I didn’t have any clue how to deal with the trust issue. But somehow I was hoping we could repair it, continue with finding some more success for him than his family has, than I had until now.

But yes, today I was confronted with the fact again that I have no clue what people in those poor neighborhoods dream about, what they consider success, what would inspire them for, well, do better?

And I still don’t speak the language here, which is kind of a handicap in a situation like that, if you want to know more about the lives of those people and trying to help them find a better life. As Philippine people may be happier than average, still, living and/or being born in a neighborhood like that I guess is not really an advantage.

Public transport

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Jeepney I always thought that Philippine Jeepneys were a bit a, well, low type of transportation, something that could be improved. But the more I use them, and lately I have been using them a lot, also e.g. in rush hour, the more I believe they are not as bad as I thought, or actually they are quite fit for what they are supposed to do: move people with their stuff on short or medium distances.

As I the last few days I have been comparing them to Dutch buses and the van’s I saw being used in Indonesia, and realized that the design is pretty good, very useful to move people from one place (in a city) to another. And yes, they are very stable and fit very well the culture where people prefer to sit tight together.

And I always thought they were too heavy, built with too much steel and such, but looking at the fact that they move like twenty people at the same time with kind of normal car components, the design is pretty straightforward and probably not as heavy as I thought (related to e.g. fuel consumption). And yes, the design, like any Jeep, is very simple, easy to build and to maintain, and very sturdy.

So yes, the way they are normally built, from old car parts that don’t always function that well, is certainly not what one would want in the Western world. But the design, the basic idea, the basic concept is very good, so if Jeepneys would be built from scratch with new components I wouldn’t know any better public transport vehicle that would do its job as well as the Philippine Jeepney.

Robin Williams

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For a few days now I have been thinking about writing about Robin Williams. And I guess I am not the only one, which makes me kind of, well, don’t know how to say. As that is how ‘news’ seems to work. Something happens and everybody is starting to write about it and talk about it. So now I am writing about Robin Williams, as that is ‘news’. Meaning I don’t stand out, can’t stand out, as right now many people are writing about Robin Williams.

And again, the more I read about him I am more and more amazed how famous people, rich and famous people, often seem to have problems like drinking problems and/or drug problems. And that many also suffer from depression. And somehow it makes me still annoyed, as I still believe it is better to be sad or depressed in a Mercedes Benz than in a Volkswagen (or in a Jeepney for me right now as I don’t have a car).

So yes, I still want to be rich and famous, but it seems indeed that being rich and/or famous is certainly no guarantee for being happy, for feeling good, even though I believe that someone like Robin Williams must have been better off than the most of us, being rich and famous. But strange also to hear that he had financial problems, as in his case I guess he must have earned enough to live happily ever after if he would have invested it properly. And yes, I can imagine that being a star, being a super star, also makes that your expenses are high. And yes, the more I think about it, being a movie star certainly does not mean having a stable job, as movies are just relatively short projects.

And I am not sure where this post is going. Yes, I am certainly jealous, where the Law of Attraction says that that just brings me further from my goal of being rich and famous. And please keep in mind, I don’t need to be as rich as I think Robin Williams is or has been. I just want to live a decent life with a holiday here and there and the house renovated and especially a car. And yes, most of all paying back my debts, as my debts bother me a lot as somehow I still can’t imagine that I, Guus Ellenkamp, have debts. The Guus Ellenkamp who is very good in saving and accounting and dealing with money, creating safety blankets as my partner calls it.

And yes, I learned a lot from that, from being in debt. As before it was so easy to judge people when they are or were in a bad situation, like having debts. But now I know how it works, that somehow there can be situations in life where you do things you could never imagine doing. Like I also know I can kill someone, I can kill another human being. As that is what I learned when I was stabbed and robbed.

So well, let’s be careful with another. And help each other find a way out. As right now I see no way out of my debts and it makes me very unhappy, it rules my life. And that goes back to that everything I believed in, everything I was taught when I grew up, somehow doesn’t seem to work. So yes, maybe time to change my belief. But I still can’t get out of the guilt, still can’t forgive myself for what I have done. And even if I did, I would still have the debts. So well, what Robin Williams did, and many other people, taking his life, may have been logical. As he may also not have seen a way out.

So let’s help each other, let’s look at each other, let’s check if the other person might be in a situation where he has no way out. And let’s help each other find a way out. As life is supposed to be beautiful, is supposed to be fun. At least that is what I still believe, no matter what and no matter how unhappy I am.

Successful people

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So how do successful people deal with where I am standing now, just tired, kind of sick, not really knowing what to do, no real progress, no real friends.

And yes, I did make progress, I learned a bit about determination, persistence contrary to being stubborn, but still, I’m fifty one years old, have great ideas and big plans, more determined than ever, but still no clue how to make it all work.

And yes, I ‘know’ how to do it. But somehow something else is needed. The Secret?