Tag Archives: The Other and I

Inspirational anger

Quintus Horatius Flaccus I mostly or virtually always try to control my anger (or emotions in general) and my anger especially because I have a partner who gets very angry easily and being angry in return just makes things worse in my experience. So I’m trying to keep my anger inside.

But today was the second time in a few months time where my anger was received positively or at least achieved a desired effect, so never being angry or never showing anger doesn’t seem to be the right thing to do always.

And the weird thing was it happened just after I sent my quote of today.

“The one who cannot restrain their anger will wish undone, what their temper and irritation prompted them to do.” – Horace

As I had been irritated for a few days as our water system was not working properly. And my partner had not been able to arrange someone to repair it, where he had indicated before that he would find someone. And if he wouldn’t have indicated that, I might have fixed it myself, or not, but then it would have been my choice.

And one of my major important things to start the day is taking a warm shower. As I am normally affected quite a lot by a morning mood, which will normally go away after I have taken my coffee, maybe had breakfast and then shave myself and take a shower.

But for a few days that had not happened as the water pressure was very low, which by the way affected many people as we had quite some visitors celebrating Christmas here. So I got more and more irritated over the last few days and I’m quite sure it showed to people as of course people feel that. And it kind of ruined part of my Christmas celebration, part of being part of the group of people celebrating Christmas with us.

So today, finally, my partner had arranged someone to repair the water system. And around five thirty I found out the water system had still not been fixed and the person supposed to repair it was doing other work. So I was very irritated and somehow also angry and showed it, which is often not a wise thing to do in The Philippines. But after showing him the real problem and asking him if I should be the one fixing it or he, he indicated he still wanted to do it.

And to my amazement thirty minutes later the problem was fixed. And it had not even been the annoying problem I thought it was. It was just as small clogging near the water filter very close to the house. So apparently a small fix and looking back the person supposed to fix it was not aware of the real problem, namely the water pressure on the second floor, meaning there was water on the ground floor, but not on the second floor.

So what I learned in life, and from the Principles of Success, is that you need to control yourself, need to be able to control your emotions. Which I kind of did, as I did not let myself or my anger go out of control. But I was angry and I showed it. And apparently that was the right thing to do.

So controlling your emotions doesn’t mean to fully hide them, it indeed means to control them, have some kind of control, so it won’t get out of hand. But showing them certainly seems to work, at least in this case.

Clarity

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Nice, having one of the team members visiting, for two reasons. The first because I just enjoy philosophizing a bit in general and of course about Inspiration for Success, about what I want to achieve, in life, for the world. And second because this was the time to ask him why he and the other team members don’t spend any time on the project anymore, at least not any visible effort. And part of the answer was because the project doesn’t pay now, there is no financial return as of the moment. And that amazed me a bit as I though I never promised any quick return and certainly no money as I thought each of the team members knows or could have know I don’t have money to invest, at least not for this project, even though it may be even the most important project in my life as of the moment.

And on my question why he has not fulfilled his promises, like writing monthly a certain amount of content, the answer was basically the same: I am not being paid for this, so this has low priority. And this answer amazed me a bit as to me a promise is a promise, while to him apparently a business promise (with contract and payment and such) is a promise and a non-business promise is, well, I don’t know, but something that can be broken relatively easy. And this surprised me, as to me a promise is a promise, whether business or private. And I don’t make so much difference between business and private.

And somewhere during the conversation we came to talk about some business problem I have, which has some similarities with the team issues in Inspiration for Success as I don’t understand why the customer doesn’t make a decision, while in my opinion he is putting his business in danger by having a kind of undefined situation with his website, basically meaning I could cut him off any moment if I want to, which would put him in a very difficult position as his business is, at least in my opinion, in a large part dependent on his website. But somehow he doesn’t seem to realize, where e.g. my team doesn’t seem to realize that my commitment on receiving one million dollar for each of the team members on or before October 19, 2014 was and still is a very serious statement and commitment, which in my opinion was also my ‘giving’ part of the business deal for their effort for Inspiration for Success, especially for their activities, their promises for contributing regularly to the website.

And suggestion of my team member today related to my issue with this customer was just to make a clear statement and ask him to make a decision as I am fully lost what this customer wants from me while I have the feeling I gave him everything and more and have the best solution for him, while at the moment his is even shopping around for other solutions, which business wise does not make any sense to me for all kinds of reasons (and I think I know what I’m talking about here). But maybe my team member was right, maybe it is just not clear to him where he stands. Maybe I was and am not clear enough.

And the same may apply to my team, to my team members. Maybe I was not clear enough about my statement about the one million dollar each, where today I heard they probably didn’t believe it. And yes, I can imagine they don’t believe it, but my statement was very serious and my related desire document was also very serious, even though the last few weeks, months I didn’t read it aloud anymore. But yes, today’s conversation made clear I need to take these things seriously again myself. And be more clear what I want and what I stand for.

So also question to you: are you clear and do you know what you stand for? And do other people know?

You’re doing it wrong

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I’m not sure what’s going wrong, what I do or don’t do or whatever.

Just five minutes ago someone said to me I did it wrong. And I know he was worried. But it hurt a lot and it still hurts a lot.

And fifteen minutes earlier someone else also told me I did something wrong. And that I ‘should’ do it differently.

And is seems this has been going on all my life, that I did things ‘wrong’ and ‘should’ do things.

So what is this. Am I doing the same to others? Am I somehow evoking these things for others?

And yes, it seems this all goes back to something like self confidence, which apparently I don’t have or at least don’t show.

And I guess it’s all meant well.

But it hurts. So let’s be careful what we say to each other and how we say it. Nobody has the right to judge that what we are doing is wrong. Or tell us that we ‘should’ do something.

Am very interested if you have similar experiences or have a different opinion about this.

Allowing

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I like very much the idea of Abraham Hicks about ‘allowing’, like letting it in, like not resisting things. And especially allowing yourself and allowing others, although I still don’t fully get how it all works, but I have some idea and I do kind of agree with it, that it could work, that it works.

And it’s funny, because while writing I still don’t exactly know how Abraham Hicks came into being, if he is just a very good idea from Esther (and Jerry?) Hicks or if she believed herself that she was inspired by a spiritual entity. And yes, I believe there is more than what we (I?) just see as reality, so there is something like a spiritual force that makes things move, makes humans move. But I also see just very clever ‘personality development workshops’ behind the work of Esther and Jerry Hicks. So I’m not fully sure what to believe, but in the end that doesn’t really matter as the ideas are very good and I still use the stuff from the thirty day workbook I found some time ago.

And i’m still very much struggling with, or maybe a better phrase would be ‘working with’ this allowing thing, and the weird thing I found is that it seems to be easier to allow others to be as they are than to allow myself to be as I am. And somehow there is always something ‘ego’ in the background that want something ‘back’ when I allow something from someone else or give something to someone else. And that makes me feel guilty, although in the end I also believe there needs to be balance in the Universe and also balance in the giving and, yes the word taking is still there with me, receiving.

So somehow i still tend to ‘give’ and ‘allow’ too much, meaning I don’t take care enough of myself. And actually I am wondering if people recognize this, if you recognize this. And how many people feel like this.

So yes, looking forward to your comments on this subject.

Forgiveness

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I ended up in a very unsatisfying call with a call center agent, trying to find some solution, my solution, for a, for me, very big problem. But for some reason we couldn’t, as we were, or felt, both limited in our options? I in my solution, he in his procedures and policies and instructions.

Our Father, Who art in heaven,

Hallowed be Thy Name.

Thy Kingdom come.

Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

The sad thing I often see in these situations is that in the end everybody loses, loses something.

And I blamed, and often blame, the procedure, the procedures, the policies, the organizations bigger than humans.

But my partner, or I myself based on what my partner repeated from many times before, somehow got a little closer to learning a bit more about understanding.

And while thinking a bit further, maybe, just maybe, I was just as limited in my options as I the other person. As I had my solution in mind, which may have been as much a limitation as the solution of the other party.

So maybe, just maybe, I was trespassing as much as I thought the organization, procedure, policy or whatever I thought was trespassing me, my rights, my ideas.