Tag Archives: Wrong


Yeah, guilt, that seems to be one of the major things bothering me. And I have been writing more about that, that for me guilt and responsibility are about the same, feel about the same. And slowly I start to see they are not the same. As I realized that e.g. Tony Fernandes is responsible for the recent plane crash with an AirAsia plane, but that that absolutely does not mean that he is guilty.

But then, still, where does responsibility end and where does being guilty start? And does making excuses mean that you have to change something or not? Is it only about acknowledging that you have done something wrong or not?

And I notice I am very tired and I just wrote a very long post in my Dutch blog, so I’m going to quite here now.


And the last is indeed meant and at the same time choosing to do something wrong. And it feels okay, so apparently it is okay to apologize and not correct the wrong.


I am a bit lost and confused and annoyed as DoctorsConnect is not really being used yet and as I am a bit sick, even have a headache. And my stomach is also still complaining as it lately often does, with a feeling of too much acidity.

And I was just lying down a bit and still thinking about forgiving and what James Altucher wrote about choosing to do the wrong thing, something I read yesterday or a few days ago. And the last came from my Dutch post of today, where I wrote that I choose to stick with wanting a lifetime monogamous relationship with my current partner, where I more and more believe that it is not wise or not practical to combine your sex life with a life partner. But it’s just what I want, even though I now believe it is wrong wanting that. But I decided that long time ago and I just want to make that work.

And related to forgiveness I realized that I don’t believe in ‘wrong’, meaning somehow that I don’t accept my dad, who I think hurt me most, did most wrong to me of all people I know and have known, doing something wrong. And that I don’t believe I am doing something wrong myself. Or did anything wrong in the past.

And while writing this post I got completely lost in some other things, like working on the pages Top Inspirational Sites and Law of Attraction. And I also noticed something changed, today, or maybe the last few days. And I don’t know what it is, but it seems something outside of me. And somehow ‘it’ decides whether I can move or not, should move or not. As when I am down like I was the last few weeks, or at least much more down than I usual am, it seems that no matter what I do, it just doesn’t change. And somehow, some time, whenever I have this feeling of desperation when nothing seems to move, things start moving again. And I still don’t know what it is and if I can influence it. Apparently not, even though I also experienced that your mindset can change your experience.

And yes, I realize I’m writing a chaotic post right now, as next to ‘forgiveness‘ and ‘wrong’ I now added things like Infinite Intelligence and mindset.

So maybe for now just stop and let all of this sink in. And continue tomorrow or something, but I know my posts, my blog is kind of impulsive. And yes, I can add another subject now, as I am wondering if I would be able to find an audience, build a community, around the stuff I am writing, the stuff I am writing my way.


it was strange, one or two hours ago, when my mam called and told me Janneke, one of my two sisters, died. And it was strange especially as I received a text last night from my other sister Suzan,asking me to call her as soon as possible. And I am re-reading it now, and indeed, there is urgency in it, but it arrived fully wrong with me. As if one of my sisters is dying I would expect someone to call me and not send me a text to call them.

So this afternoon I got a call from my mam telling me that my sister was not only severely ill, but even died last night. And again the request to call her back right now, implying that I should use Skype to call her on my sisters phone, right now, right after. And again, I was hesitant, as I was about to go out and someone was waiting for me, so calling back straight away would be quite a hassle for me. Partly because my computer was not yet on and partly my current opinion about these things is that there is nothing really urgent about. Someone died and that’s it and it’s a common thing. And yes, I guess I may sound a bit weird with this kind of statement, but when my father died five years ago I did everything I was supposed to do and I am still suffering from it, as I borrowed money for the ticket which was the start of my borrowing, something I could never imagine doing before. But as I had no money at the time and as I presumed I was to go I just did what I thought I was supposed to do and bought tickets for my partner and me with borrowed money.

And yes, getting older made me also more relaxed with things like death. As people just die and there is nothing much special about it, even though of course it is a significant event. So yes, of course I am considering going to the funeral or something. But just doing it ‘because I am supposed to do it, because society expects it’, I am not sure if that’s the right way. Especially as that first borrowing for my dads funeral was the start of the deep financial shit I am in right now. And don’t get me wrong, it was not the reason, just the start. And there were very good reasons for all those decisions I made afterwards, especially the first one or two years after. But finally reality caught up with me and I didn’t know what to do anymore as I saw no way out anymore.

So am I acting strange? I guess so, as the more I think about it many people avoid me after a while, leave me behind. So there must be something in what my partner said last night, that I have some autism type behavior when I didn’t want to entertain him anymore as I felt provoked by his questions and statements about me. As in my experience if he is in a mood like that anything I say just makes it worse, so I better keep quiet, even though of course that also doesn’t solve anything and also makes him more and more annoyed. But I guess it is still better to just keep quiet as at least then I don’t give him any new ammunition for further complaints and accusations about what I am doing wrong.

So strange, feeling relatively quiet, relatively relaxed after the message my sister just died, even though after I arrived home after a short errand it suddenly hit me and I started to cry. And yes, there is more, but that is too private for me to share herein public. But maybe I should share I also felt relieved, as this event of my sister dying might solve some things within our family, things that should have been solved a long time ago, but where I didn’t know how to do that.

And it is strange, as last night I was talking with some people and we talked about something like changing the other person. And I said I think I can’t change my partner, but actually I meant I don’t want to change my partner. And also related to the problems my sister and I have, my mam often tells me I can’t change my sister.

But the question is if I shouldn’t try if I think there is something wrong with the other person. But that raises another question: who decides what is wrong and do I have the right to change another person. Or is the opposite true: am I obliged to point out ‘wrongs’ in the other person.

And right now of course I am thinking what ‘wrong’ and what is ‘right’? And I don’t know the answer, but it is an interesting question to keep in mind.

So yes, looking forward to your comments on this.