Tag Archives: Change

My affirmations revised

A while ago I started writing down a list of affirmations, based on a suggestion of Louise Hay. And I made some revisions that I wanted to share here. This is my current list:

Affirmations of Guus Ellenkamp:

  1. I am a unique and precious creation with my own desires. I have the right for them to become true.
  2. I am willing to start to believe that money can and will flow to me in many different ways and that it will come in the right quantities and at the right time.
  3. Every hour of Coda Step work is bringing me more happiness and prosperity.
  4. Every day my world opens up more, which is confirmed by seeing more of the world through the view of The Malasag House.
  5. I deserve more prosperity in my life.
  6. I deserve more happiness in my life.
  7. I deserve more joy in my life.
  8. <private>.
  9. I deserve a loving https://www.inspiration-for-success.com/higher-power/.
  10. I deserve the ability to be able to memorize more.
  11. I am working around 40 hours per week in service of other people in a relaxed way, with services that suit me as a person and that make me happy to give and that make other people happy to receive.
  12. I am using the remaining time for things that give me fun and joy.
  13. I am willing to let go of superstition.
  14. I am willing to let go of the part of me that drives people away from me.
  15. There are many forces in the Universe willing to help me and helping me.

And I wanted to share that if I want to change something I don’t believe yet, can’t say yet, I just start with a very careful statement, like what I did with the second affirmation: “I am willing to start to believe…”, where I even went beyond the “I am willing” as that was still a too strong statement for me.

What I notice with these type of things, especially with my Desire Document, that after a while I can make the statement stronger, so maybe I could already change the “I am willing to start to believe…” into “I am willing to believe…” or “I am starting to believe…” for my second item. Actually this happens automatically for me, that after a while I am just starting to believe one notch, one step more of the statement.

And I noticed I didn’t like to put an item in the number thirteen position, which made me realize that somehow I am superstitious, which according to Napoleon Hill is a negative emotion. So I just made an affirmation of it related to superstition.

Just wanted to share this, if you don’t know how to start with doing affirmations or how to phrase them. What did not work for me was copying them from e.g. the affirmations Louise Hay stated in one of her tapes, but feel free to copy my list or part of my list and start from there.

I just started small, with some things I wanted to become true and could believe, could say aloud without feeling uncomfortable.

And my latest revision is just on the page My Affirmations again, so this page does not make much sense anymore, as the original is just gone.

Tired and confused

I am tired as I was out most of the day and found only little time for myself. And now this post is the last thing of the day and I don’t really feel like writing it as, again, I’m tired and just want to go to bed and sleep.

And I just got annoyed as I got a reply to a personal e-mail with kind of the message how co-dependent I am and pointing to the page co-dependency. And I recognize most of the stuff and to most of the questions my answer is ‘yes’. So  I must be pretty codependent. But it makes me angry, as who is to decide that my behavior is not okay? Do I need to be ‘average’ and does averageness make one happy or more happy?

And yes, I know I am unhappy, very unhappy, very unsatisfied with my life. But what would be this program or advice be different from any other?

So again and again I am reading I am doing things wrong, which translates to me as that it’s all my fault and that I should ‘change’, whatever ‘they’ want me to do. And yes, I read everywhere that my intentions are good, so what should I do? Go for bad intentions? And you think I don’t consider that? You think I don’t know how to get what I want by threatening people or something (‘they’ call it setting limits, but to me it’s just threatening people, using power). Or just go and steal stuff I want and need? Yeah, of course I would find ways to get what I want, of course I know ways.

But until now I still prefer to go for the ‘good’, do the things that feel right to me, even if it hurts me.


Well, it seems something is different with my new project, with DoctorsConnect, so I decided to push through (again) and buy the domain doctorsconnect.ph. But of course I am a bit scared as it seems I am going full speed and my business partner seems to go a bit slower. Which is logical as, fortunately or unfortunately, I have the time for it and I think my business partner doesn’t. And I don’t really mind doing more, as I like the project, believe in it and also like working on it, but some memories of previous projects come into my mind. Memories about where I was in similar situations, working very hard, investing even, but finding myself alone in the end, without a business partner and with a product I did not know how to sell.

Some things are different though, as I have a better feeling with my current business partner. And I think the project is easier to market, even if I would have to do it alone. Also I learned from my previous projects to protect myself better with better legal agreements, written down agreements.

And maybe the most important is a changed mindset, as I know know the Principles of Success, where one of the principles is that every failure, or maybe better use the word defeat, brings me closer to my goal. And yes, I believe now more than ever that with persistence there is only one outcome possible: success. And I know more about leadership and that keeping a harmonious relationship with your team, with your Master Mind is crucial. And I am a bit scared writing about being scared, about repeating the same situation again, as I fear that that may damage the harmony with my partner. Especially as he asked me about the name of this site today, meaning he will probably read this and read more about my failures and mistakes and feelings. Things some people say I should not share with especially business relations.

But I guess I will just take the positive outlook. As I have nothing to hide and my feelings and my situation and my past are just my feelings, my situation and my past, nothing more, nothing less. And they have nothing really to do with my future, at least not in a negative way I think, as what I am bringing to this project is all my experience and knowledge and even a large part of the product, as the new system builds of course on the things I built for the other projects. And looking at what I have built in the time of a few weeks, not even full time, I think I can be proud of myself and I think hardly anybody in the world could build something like what I have built, especially not with the same quality, the same robustness.

So yes, I am carefully optimistic, optimistic that this project will succeed, where previous similar projects failed. And yes, maybe this is part of the help that was promised, by God, by my Higher Power.

So thank you Lord, for this new opportunity.


it was strange, one or two hours ago, when my mam called and told me Janneke, one of my two sisters, died. And it was strange especially as I received a text last night from my other sister Suzan,asking me to call her as soon as possible. And I am re-reading it now, and indeed, there is urgency in it, but it arrived fully wrong with me. As if one of my sisters is dying I would expect someone to call me and not send me a text to call them.

So this afternoon I got a call from my mam telling me that my sister was not only severely ill, but even died last night. And again the request to call her back right now, implying that I should use Skype to call her on my sisters phone, right now, right after. And again, I was hesitant, as I was about to go out and someone was waiting for me, so calling back straight away would be quite a hassle for me. Partly because my computer was not yet on and partly my current opinion about these things is that there is nothing really urgent about. Someone died and that’s it and it’s a common thing. And yes, I guess I may sound a bit weird with this kind of statement, but when my father died five years ago I did everything I was supposed to do and I am still suffering from it, as I borrowed money for the ticket which was the start of my borrowing, something I could never imagine doing before. But as I had no money at the time and as I presumed I was to go I just did what I thought I was supposed to do and bought tickets for my partner and me with borrowed money.

And yes, getting older made me also more relaxed with things like death. As people just die and there is nothing much special about it, even though of course it is a significant event. So yes, of course I am considering going to the funeral or something. But just doing it ‘because I am supposed to do it, because society expects it’, I am not sure if that’s the right way. Especially as that first borrowing for my dads funeral was the start of the deep financial shit I am in right now. And don’t get me wrong, it was not the reason, just the start. And there were very good reasons for all those decisions I made afterwards, especially the first one or two years after. But finally reality caught up with me and I didn’t know what to do anymore as I saw no way out anymore.

So am I acting strange? I guess so, as the more I think about it many people avoid me after a while, leave me behind. So there must be something in what my partner said last night, that I have some autism type behavior when I didn’t want to entertain him anymore as I felt provoked by his questions and statements about me. As in my experience if he is in a mood like that anything I say just makes it worse, so I better keep quiet, even though of course that also doesn’t solve anything and also makes him more and more annoyed. But I guess it is still better to just keep quiet as at least then I don’t give him any new ammunition for further complaints and accusations about what I am doing wrong.

So strange, feeling relatively quiet, relatively relaxed after the message my sister just died, even though after I arrived home after a short errand it suddenly hit me and I started to cry. And yes, there is more, but that is too private for me to share herein public. But maybe I should share I also felt relieved, as this event of my sister dying might solve some things within our family, things that should have been solved a long time ago, but where I didn’t know how to do that.

And it is strange, as last night I was talking with some people and we talked about something like changing the other person. And I said I think I can’t change my partner, but actually I meant I don’t want to change my partner. And also related to the problems my sister and I have, my mam often tells me I can’t change my sister.

But the question is if I shouldn’t try if I think there is something wrong with the other person. But that raises another question: who decides what is wrong and do I have the right to change another person. Or is the opposite true: am I obliged to point out ‘wrongs’ in the other person.

And right now of course I am thinking what ‘wrong’ and what is ‘right’? And I don’t know the answer, but it is an interesting question to keep in mind.

So yes, looking forward to your comments on this.


I was very down today, and it started earlier this week when I gave in to my partner to invest again in some business venture of him, meaning we again have virtually nothing left, not even to pay our daily needs, while I just got going to stick with spending the money that is coming in. But the last decision was also kind of impossible to stick to anyhow as I decided to pay my health insurance and as basically not much money came in this month as a few customer projects have been delayed.

And somehow I see myself doing things over and over again, things that don’t seem to work. So I feel very tense and feel guilty about that, especially towards my partner, as I have the feeling he just wants me to be happy. But who doesn’t want to be happy?

And yes, some things are fun, like the progress of my new large crazy project, where I get some replies and there seem to be people supporting the idea. And my partner seems to be moving back to me, even though, again, there is money involved, money going to him, from me.

And today there was actually good news, as the damage related to a hard disk that broke down in one of my main computers was kind of limited, even though I can’t use a major database and I probably lost quite some movies.

So no real reason to feel so bad, except, yes, no money again. And actually that affects me a lot, as we can’t do shopping as usual, I can’t go out and indeed, we still don’t have a car or a new motorcycle, so it’s a bit of a hassle to go out, visit friends and such, even though as of the moment a friends car is available as she left it with my partner as she doesn’t need it right now.

Ah, yes, and nothing of the tricks I know, especially from Abraham Hicks, seems to work, like finding something to be happy about, finding something to be grateful about. But maybe indeed stick also with the idea that sometimes you are just limited in the areas of feeling range. Sometimes you are just stuck in an area where there is no real happiness, no real relaxation. Just tension and less tension. So maybe just look for the ‘less tension’.

Ah, and I didn’t even write the post I wanted to write. As I just wanted to write that I also need to change something with how to deal with Inspiration for Success, with this website. As I don’t feel I’m inspiring. And I’m certainly not inspired.