Tag Archives: Marathon

It was an honour

“Thank you for telling me the thuth” makes the HAL 9000 computer in the movie 2010 to continue the countdown, saving the humans on a space mission, but being himself destroyed. And I guess behind that is something like being intelligent, being human like, having consciousness means that you can also sacrifice yourself for the greater good, whatever that may be.

And I am still struggling sacrificing a lot for my partners wants and needs. As I feel many of those things go against me, go against to what I want. And no, it’s not just wanting to be with him or something. Or being scared he will leave me. It’s much more complicated than that, although one thing behind it is that I don’t know how to deal with his anger, which I think is the main thing that makes me give in so often. Or just his capability of destroying things, things that I would like to keep, mostly as I, as we can’t afford to replace and often things we need.

So I am thinking a lot what to do. As reason doesn’t seem to arrive, at least not my reason as he is always ‘right’, at least logically. Telling about my feelings also doesn’t seem to arrive, as he doesn’t seem to realize how his actions, his wants, his needs hurt me, make it very difficult or impossible to do the things I want, prioritize my things.

And as I don’t want to retaliate and as I want to acknowledge his needs and wants I mostly give in, although often it is also to keep the peace. And virtually always my needs are not met and my wants are not being catered to.

And they often say it’s all about communication. And maybe about self confidence. But the last I am starting to develop, and the first my not be my strongest point, but with my partner I seem to be at my worst.

So well, I still have a lifetime to find a way to make us both happy. And I’m sure we’ll get there. But as of the moment I still don’t know how to make that happen. As I am certainly not happy, so my goal of us both being happy is not achieved yet.

But yes, I still believe the truth will set us free and love will prevail. As is trying to do the right thing and trying to somehow communicate what is going on on my side.

Recognize anything?

One year inspiration for success

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Wow,, one year Inspiration for Success. As what I found a few days ago was that my first post was made on April 4, 2014. So tomorrow it is really the birthday of Inspiration for Success and today, right now it is New Years Eve. Or actually it is already the birthday as it is already past midnight.

What a journey has this been the last one and a half year ago or so. I started with my partner leaving and a book given to me. And my personal blog on http://guus.themalasaghouse.com/, later http://op-weg.inspiration-for-success/. And from that personal blog came Inspiration for Success, this site. And somehow I did manage to change my thinking, something I was never able to all my life before.

And no, the site is not yet successful as how I would call it a successful site. And I didn’t really set a date for it :). But from that deepest down in my life I made quite some journey and somehow I feel better than ever, even though my personal situation is certainly not satisfying and not what I want and need. But it is clearer to me than ever before what I want. And I am more determined than ever to indeed achieve what I want. And I am more certain that I can indeed achieve what I want (in life).

And I keep repeating myself, as my self confidence grew mainly through my desire document, by applying the Principles of Success as researched and described by Napoleon Hill in his book Think and Grow Rich. And this evening was even a good sample of feeling a growing self confidence. As I am able more and more to show others some of the things I learned over the last one and a half year. Things about setting goals, not changing them and keeping going, no matter what. And yes, I believe more and more that that way of thinking can have only two possible outcomes: achieving your goal or dying. And in general the first is much more likely than the second (happening before the first). As most of us would still be pretty sure to have at least ten years to live and it is unimaginable what one can achieve in ten years time. As also in my mind is the saying of Tony Robbins, that you often overestimate what you can do in one year, but underestimate what you can do in ten years time.

So yes, set your goal, write it down, believe, make a plan or don’t and start reading aloud your desire document. And yes, start reading Think and Grow Rich, use it as a workbook. And indeed, just continue doing those things, no matter how weird they feel or no matter whether they give you a feeling at all.

Ah, I can’t explain, but indeed, say something similar to what Napoleon Hill said, that somewhere in his book or other books or this site, you will find the answers that will point you in the right direction, will give you what you want. And yes, also Jesus Christ said the same, something like keep looking and you will find.

So keep looking.

Enough

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I’ve had enough, or at least almost enough. And it is getting harder and harder to control myself, to not burst out in anger or something. As last week people cleaning and cleaning and cleaning had already a big attack on my state of being. And yesterday was kind of okay. But today it just feels like it has been enough, that I sacrificed enough. And still so many people who I want to keep happy, here in The Malasag House, so yes, i’ll try to keep my temper down and suppress my feelings, my emotions a bit longer. But it’s getting harder and harder and i feel like I have nowhere to go, as my home is still with people none of whom I invited, even though about half of them I like.

And yes, I liked the party last night and I was especially happy that I think everybody was happy, including me. But the whole thing has taken its toll and its getting harder and harder to control myself. And yes, I like people here in my house. But not so many at the same time and not for days and days and days.

Not always easy to support your partner.

But yes, looking back I think I did a great job so I think I can be proud of myself.

Sick or excuse

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Well, yesterday I skipped, not only my blogs, my daily quote and my gratitude page, but I also missed my planning.

And yes, I could have done it. But in the end I didn’t, because I felt sick and exhausted. And spent most of the day in bed.

And i was a bit in doubt, as i am quite well on the way being very disciplined finishing my planning for the day. And this was even the second day in weeks now that I decided NOT to do (all) the things I planned for the day.

So I could have done it, and i guess that’s what some (successful?) people would have done. But it didn’t feel really good to do it as I really felt sick, tired, exhausted. But especially it didn’t feel inspired, inspiring.

And that’s what i miss a bit, or actually a lot. Or something like ‘the most’. Doing things in an inspired way, doing things as Abraham Hicks describes. Doing things in a way described related to the Law of Attraction.

And thinking further, this is exactly also what Napoleon Hill calls desire, desiring things, achieving things in an inspired way.

And i know I have missed this for quite a long time. And it’s kind of bothering me. And I’m not sure what to do about is, to ‘relight my fire’. And I wrote about it before, that I didn’t feel the desire (anymore).

And yes, I am working on it, reading stuff related to that. And every now and then reading my desire document again, yes aloud.

So somehow, yes, I’m getting closer. As I feel myself getting stronger. And more confident. And more capable of ‘learning’ those things, the things like planning and discipline.

So yes, somehow Think and Grow Rich brought me something. And it seems that kind of applying all of those principles, everything in the book, brings you closer. But I often wonder if so called ‘successful people’ don’t have these things more by nature. And why I have to struggle so hard. And why I’m still ‘not there’.

But time will tell. And yes, I’m getting stronger, more confident. And recently even more money came in. So somehow it works, somehow it’s starting to work.

So be confident. And persistent. And keep believing.

No matter what.

Applause

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I just saw the news conference of the prime minister of Malaysia making a statement about where Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 ended up. And I was very emotional just before the statement, when of course the news people made the story bigger and bigger and built some kind of climax. But my emotions were not of sadness or something, but of admiration, in the first place for the Malaysians, who in the last few weeks were confronted with something big, something that has never happened before, something that nobody could have prepared for, something that would already be big for a large Western country and somehow managed to handle all of this, handled all of this in a very professional way. And while thinking now my emotions were also emotions of sadness, as the Malaysians have been criticized so much. And I truly believe they didn’t and don’t deserve any criticism as I think they handled this whole situation very well, especially checking and rechecking facts before making statements while at the same time internally changing their investigation as the last few days we saw their search move to the area they made a statement about today.

And also applause for all those people involved in this search, where I have the feeling something like this has never been done before. So many countries and institutions in some kind of worldwide search for something lost. And for the people coordinating all this, presumably, again, the Malaysians. How in heavens name would someone be able to set up some kind of project team to organize this type of search in a month, let alone in days or weeks.

Well, nothing much more to say right now but:

Applause for the Malaysians.