Tag Archives: People

Self analysis, question 51

I am still scared, scared of people. So today’s question,

“Who among your acquaintances

a. encourages you most

b. cautions you most

c. discourages you most?”

somehow scares me, not in the last place as I feel I have no friends.

But the question mentions acquaintances, so let’s start there.

And related to (a) I can’t imagine anyone encouraging me. So that’s a quick answer.

And with who cautions me most the first thing that comes to mind is my mam. And the second my partner. But they are not acquaintances.

And who discourages me most is my partner.

So a strange post today, strange answers.

So the main thing may be is what I am going to do about it. As this doesn’t sound good.

Self analysis question 46

I am still very tired and not really in the mood to write anything, so I could either write a very short post like this or still continue with the self analysis questions. And I just decided on the last and today’s question is “What connection, if any, do you see between the people with whom you associate most closely, and any unhappiness you may experience?”.

And yes, the first thing that comes into my mind is that the person I associate with most closely, my partner, may be the cause of my unhappiness. And yes, I guess you would ask why I (still) allow that. And I often ask that to myself of course. And I have no real answer to that. Or actually I have a lot, but I don’t want to share that here. What I do want to share is that I am still not sure if this whole thing has anything to do with my partner (doubt?!). And I could share that it has something to do with the definite purpose I chose.

And I am thinking of other people I associate closely and I don’t really see any cause for unhappiness there, although I found that talking with my mam often upset me. But I think I am in the process of changing that.

And now I really feel tired and not really able to write anything sensible here. So I guess the best thing is to rest and sleep, even though there are some things I still want to finish before sleeping.

Self analysis question 45

Ah, the self analysis question of today is one I don’t like to answer. As it is the question “If you believe that ‘birds of a feather flock together’, what have you learned about yourself by studying the friends whom you attract?”. But maybe this ‘trying to avoid’ means there is something important going on here, so maybe I am onto something if I answer this question carefully and analyze the answer.

And the reason that I don’t like this question is that I don’t have any friends, or at least that is how it appears to me. So when I answer the question I would have to answer that I don’t attract people as friends.

However, on second thought the question starts with something else. It start with whether I believe in the saying that birds of a feather flock together. And I am not sure if I believe in that. Or actually I don’t, as I think I believe more in the idea of ‘opposites attract’. As e.g. my partner is, or appears to be, the complete opposite of me. Although I believe that is also not true, as we may be more similar than I think as he is also pretty introvert and doesn’t have many real friends. And yes, he is very sociable and I am not, so he has many friends and I have not. But knowing him he probably also doesn’t have many or even any who really know him, whom he really shares everything with.

And I am not sure how to continue right now, as I am thinking about things like “what is a friend”? And to me a friend is someone you can share anything with, and I used to know people like that. And yes, I still know them, but I didn’t stay in touch as that is not easy from The Philippines and without money (to travel and visit them). As it is not easy to stay in touch through e-mail and Skype and such, even though of course modern technology has made it much easier to stay in touch with people far away. But meeting in person and meeting regularly is still different.

And yes, it worries(?!) me that I don’t seem to have any friends, as I believe friends are very important. And I have been thinking about this for quite a while and also have been trying to do something about it, but until now I have not really succeeded finding new friends.

Ah, and this is a tough one, this question, this post, as indeed there are some major issues here I may want or need to address. And yes, I guess it also goes back to my codependency, not able to share or show emotions or ask for help.

So let’s call it quits for today as I am also very tired and need some rest. But I may have something here to work on, some weakness to address I guess.

Self analysis, question 37

Strange, I was thinking about that basically I don’t want to live, meaning I seem to have a very negative mindset and today’s question is “Does your presence have a negative influence on other people as a rule”?

And I know I read the question before, or at least that was in my mind, so I must have thought about it earlier or somehow it stuck in my mind.

And still, even though I have the feeling my presence in general has a negative influence on other people I can’t really confirm that, as today e.g. I had two positive experiences, like people seeming to like my presence.

And I am not really sure how to continue right now as I am very tired and need some rest.

Maybe the most important lessons I learned recently is acknowledge more what is going on, especially allowing negative feelings and thoughts just to be there.

And that helps a lot.