Tag Archives: Positive thinking

Guilt

Today it struck my mind that it’s completely crazy to feel bad about things that you did in the past and that worked out bad, even though they have effects that you experience. I made some bad decisions related to money, to investments and that has put me in a very bad position. And i don’t know how to solve it. And I feel very guilty and bad about it. And I have no clue how to solve it. But today I suddenly realized that I can’t change the past and that I can’t change the situation I’m in right now. Or maybe never.

And the weird thing is that this whole thing goes back to beliefs I have and to thoughts like what other people think about it. And those beliefs and this ‘what other people think about it’ create an awful amount of guilt and ‘feeling bad’ in me. And looking at it, at how I feel and what effect it has on me that can’t be a good thing. Because especially this guilt is having a devastating effect on me. And not only me, but also on my environment, the people around me.

So I thought I should write about this, as I’m quite sure I’m not the only one being confronted with some bad decision or bad decisions made in the past. And suffering so much from it.

And no, I didn’t find an answer yet, I didn’t find answers yet. As the main problem right now is that I am in a situation i don’t like and that I don’t know how to solve it. And that it affects my life in a very bad way. So this is kind of reality and a reality I don’t like and that also kind of paralyzes me.

The good thing though now is that I’m starting to realize why some people are not moving anymore, don’t do anything anymore. As the ‘issues’ they’re confronted with are too big, too big to oversee or to overcome. And I’m a person who doesn’t easily give up. You may even say never gives up. But my current financial situation feels so hopeless that, indeed,sometimes, or even mostly lately, I just don’t move anymore, just don’t do anything anymore. Because it’s just too big for me to deal with. I see no way out.

So yes, I always had answers to people, still have even. Sometimes my own opinion or sometimes just quotes. But being here now, even with all that I know, even with the best quotes and stuff and with the best self help sites and blogs and stuff i read, I often don’t know what to say anymore to myself.

And yes, today I somehow got moving again, after quite a period of being quite inert. But i still don’t see a way out and that affects my life and the life of the people around me in a very negative way.

But somehow this is also what inspiration for Success is all about. Give people hope, give people inspiration when they don’t see it themselves anymore.

So yes, maybe this experience is good for me, is still something given to me. So I would be more understanding about people who just don’t see how to get out of a bad, a very bad situation that they consider impossible to solve.

Bur for now I can only say to myself that I can’t change my past decision, my past decisions. And that looking back, trying to learn from it would be OK. But feeling guilty about it or thinking about what other people think about it as I do makes no sense, just makes things worse.

So let’s say to ourselves that we should avoid feeling (too much) guilt about something we can’t change anymore. And that there is always hope, that things can always be better, even better than the past and even better than anything before. Even if we can’t believe that right now, as belief is just belief, something that someone believes.

Failure september 2013?

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Well, I thought I could never fail, would never fail as I believed a lot in the book, in Think and Grow Rich. And recently I see I failed in quite some things related to my original goals, the goals I started the site with.

But while writing this, and even while I felt very bad the last days, maybe even the last weeks, somehow I made a lot of progress, even big progress towards my goals, yes, even the goals I wrote in this site from the very start.

And I can’t really explain what happened and what is happening to me right now. Somehow the last few months my mindset is changing. And somehow it all goes back to the Principles of Success as described by Napoleon Hill.

For example, I feel more determined now, more determined than ever before to get out of this situation I’m in right now, a situation I don’t like. Somehow I’m starting to really want that one million dollar and that Pajero and that holiday to Bali. And the weird this is I’m starting to care less to ‘have’, ‘own’ a million dollar or whatever. I feel more giving now, I’m much, much more OK with giving away everything, just give to people.

And yes, I’m much more focused on service now, especially to my clients. And that was a hard one as I always thought I did my best and delivered the right stuff. But now I think I didn’t and that’s also why my business went down. And it seems it’s picking up now as I get some more serious requests.

And the team, or actually the Master Mind, has given me a lot. Not a lot of hard work, although I may underestimate what they have been doing. But mainly a lot of insight about myself and other people. And also some reality check as I tend to be too much of a dreamer. And don’t get me wrong, my dreams are OK and I’ll stick to them, maybe more than ever, but e.g. the team members also need to see and believe. And i’m trying to see more about the team members, something that’s not easy for me related to the personality I think I am, I have.

And writing down things, that’s very important. Indeed, as Napoleon Hill states, to analyze what’s going on, what has gone wrong, or what has been successful. Like what worked and what didn’t work.

So did I fail? Well, related to the traffic goals I set for this October for the site it’s not very likely that that’s going to happen. And I didn’t push through with the viral idea, make plans for it. But I did create a Master Mind of five people as I intended. I do have clearer goals. I do have some more ideas on planning, we did send our first newsletter, something beyond my imagination. We do have an editor in chief. We have some divided responsibilities. So yes, if I manage to become a real leader, show leadership to my team, I think there is a very good foundation for future success.

One of those days

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Well, the challenge is more and more to write something inspiring, but today was one of those days where nothing seemed to work out as I expected or intended to. Up to just five minutes ago as on my own computer for some kind of weird reason I could not even edit or create a new post or page in this site with the standard WordPress editor, which was very weird as nothing changed in the site and yesterday it just worked.

So this morning started with one of our two main servers not starting, which is kind of annoying as many things will slow down and some things are not available as they only reside on that server. This morning also started with a weird water problem where I finally found out that the tank was empty, which should not be as I can’t image we consume that much water. Ah, and before the electricity went off wich was something I took as a signal to continue with the improvement of our water system that I had planned for today. Before that something needed to be printed, where of course the printer was connected to the system that was down. At that time someone was cleaning so it was a lot of hassle to print as I had to pass the floor being cleaned (and very wet and slippery) many, many times. Also there was one envelope left where I needed two. Ah, and of course the server didn’t have a CD-ROM device attached that I needed for repairing the system. And I can’t remember other things, but I’m quite sure there were some other things I didn’t like either. Ah, and forgot, just when a customer called through Skype, a call that hadn’t pushed through for a few days, the internet connection was down. And when I had switched to our other connection, which of course was more hassle than usual because I felt so down about this computer being down, he was not available anymore.

So my mood was very down and indeed, it somehow was one of those days where it seems nothing can go right.

And still, it’s not the whole truth. It’s a feeling, a mood that indeed somehow also affects your environment. And I don’t know how that works, but something like Law of Attraction indeed seems to exist.

So yes, most of the day I felt very bad and had a bad mood and even felt physically exhausted. I guess you know the feeling. But somehow I did manage the things

So it felt like ‘just one of those day’s. But was it really? In a way yes, as normally there are not so many things breaking down at the same time. But looking at how the world works, 99% of everything around me still worked. So somehow I, or we, seem to focus on things that don’t work, not on things that work. I wrote about that also yesterday or a few days ago. And I’m not sure if you realize, but it’s kind of a miracle that most things work. Rationally it would be more likely that things wouldn’t work. And also I have put so many things in place as a back-up, like my duplicate file server system, that I somehow still could work. And I had had a warning from that server there was a disk problem a few weeks or months ago. So I had been warned aleady something like this might happen.

And somehow I still did the things I had planned for today. And many things more. So rationally it wasn’t really a bad day, even though I don’t plan so many things on a day like before, actually embarrassingly little, but that’s another story.

So somehow, doing these little things for quite a while now and keeping my daily promises to myself, no matter how small or could even be ‘nothing’, I have developed a habit of ‘doing the things I planned for a day’, which is even why I’m writing this post now even though it’s very late at night.

So inspiring, this post? Maybe, because also some things pointed me in the right direction, like the electricity going off made me move on the water, one of the things I had planned. And the server breakdown and the phone call somehow made me do some little work on something I had planned for a site. And I have developed to ‘push through’ in a more relaxed way than before, indeed from ‘habit’ and not from ‘have to’.

So yes, I’m not there as I feel it, far from it, but somehow something changed. Thank you Napoleon HIll and Lynn Grabhorn and Abraham Hicks and many, many other people.

Find something to be happy about

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The idea to find something to be happy about, no matter what, appeals to me. However, today I didn’t really succeeded in that. Somehow I’m still too much bothered with my financial situation and not feeling needed by anyone in a business type way. And the worst thing is that this is something that has been haunting me almost all my (grown up) life. And I still don’t really know what to do about it, even though I have learnt the last few months that ‘I’ am not defined by my capacity to earn or something. Still, I feel blocked in almost anything I want to do for fun, like traveling or even visiting friends or acquaintances. And I have the feeling I’m complaining here which I’m also quite sure I do. But I just feel frustrated not being needed by anyone in a business type of way with the things I like to do: web development, programming, internet marketing and everything around it. And I know I’m good at it. I know I have some specific ideas that are good. And I also know other people are good at it, just in a different way.

But the good thing maybe is that I have things to think about related to this project, related to Inspiration for Success. And I believe, i have to believe, that has to pay off somehow, somewhere, sometime, also in money or fame or something.

But for now, today, I just felt lousy. But a friend of mine just said that’s part of being human. And even Abraham Hicks I think confirms that.

So if you’re in that state, don’t worry. And even if I’m not seeing it right now, not feeling it right now, I know there will be a time when I’m feeling better. Probably tomorrow or maybe even earlier.

Pause

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Well, this thirty day Law of Attraction document has really done something to me. I accept my moods more and I accept other people and other people’s moods more. And it made me more easy on money, on spending. And the last I didn’t really write about here I think as somehow it didn’t come up. And I wasn’t really thinking about it when I was starting this post, but well, this seems the right time.

One of the ‘exercises’ in the document is to spend each day a certain amount of virtual money. And that amount is increasing. It starts with 1,000.00 units of your currency and it increases every day with that amount. And sometimes I still feel like a fool doing this, as I kept continuing this, but somehow it makes sense to do it. And the weirdest thing began when I started with the program. At first I wanted to use the US dollar as the currency. But somehow it didn’t feel right and I decided to stick with ‘my’ current currency, the Philippine peso. But spending an amount starting with PHP 1,000.00 every day and increasing with that amount every day is something completely different than spending USD 1,000.00 increasing with USD 1,000.00 every day. So I thought. And somehow I thought I felt a bit stupid starting with ‘only’ PHP 1,000.00 instead of USD 1,000.00. As after a year I would end up spending PHP 365,0000.00 per day instead of USD 365,000.00 is a completely different thing as the US dollar is around 40 or 45 times as much as the peso.

So I thought I was limiting myself in abundance, using PHP instead of USD. And maybe I was. But something completely different is happening. As as of the moment it’s around 45 days ago that I started doing this. So as of the moment I am spending a virtual amount of PHP 45,000.00 a day instead of USD 45,000.00 a day. But I can’t even spend the PHP 45,000.00 and I often even forget about it during the day as I just don’t need it and just wouldn’t know what to spend it on And while writing this I wouldn’t even know what to spend USD 45,000.00 on. Every day! And one of the rules is you have to spend it, you cannot give it away or ‘just save’ it. So while writing this actually I’m happy I chose the Philippine peso and not the US dollar. As I wouldn’t really know what to spend USD 45,000.00 on today, let alone USD 400,000.00 PER DAY about one year from now.

Ah, and what I actually wanted to tell you is that the amount increased so quickly, even starting with this PHP 1,000.00 per day increasing with PHP 1,000.00 per day that even today I wouldn’t have a clue what to spend it on. Lately often late at night, just before sleep I just make something up what to spend it on. I just forget about it during the day. And mostly it’s savings for my Bali holiday and savings for my Pajero, so it’s not even real spending ‘today’.

And yes, of course I know it’s not real money. And I can’t use it in real life and believe me, I could use some real money very much right now, more than ever. But that’s not the point.

The point is that I see more now what I really want. I don’t want the money, I just want the things I can buy with it. And it’s not even much what I really want related to the income group I think I belong to. And yes, I lowered my standards a bit being in such a financially rough shape I am now and I’ve never been before and couldn’t even imagine myself in. But again, that’s not the point. The point is that with just knowing that every day there is an increasing amount coming in I see more now that it’s better to live by the day, just use what you need, what you really want. And the point is that I don’t need ‘everything’, I don’t need hundred million dollars or so. And the point is that if I had it I wouldn’t even know what to spend it on. It’s just some kind of safety, but that kind of safety doesn’t exist in the world and somehow I’m starting to believe that it’s also not needed, maybe even unwanted.

Ah, and the main point is that I somehow learnt from it that worrying about ‘money’ doesn’t make sense. And that all those worries and ideas I have in real life about money indeed somehow prevent money coming in, prevent ‘abundance’.

And yeah, I really would like to continue writing about this and I can really recommend that you do this exercise also, maybe unless you’re a multimillionaire. And no, I have no clue where this goes in real life and of course I am very worried somehow, somewhere and I should be. But the exercise taught me things about money and about what worrying does. And what ‘knowing’ does. Things I didn’t know and didn’t realize until I did this exercise.

So yes, go for it and let me, let us know your experiences, if they are the same as mine or not.