Tag Archives: Responsibility

Self analysis, question 33

Ah, another question I don’t like: “Do you analyze all mistakes and failures and try to profit by them or, do you take the attitude that this is not your duty”? So it seems we are getting somewhere as I think I am facing some more things now than I did in the past, much more things.

The most important issue here I think is that I don’t admit mistakes really. Mostly I reason that in the given circumstances I did not have any other chance than deciding what I decided, which of course in a way is true. But it implies that I never make mistakes, or at least not admit I made mistakes. And the last is probably not really helpful for my progress.

So what’s a mistake? Something like ‘something wrong’.

And right now I am very, very tired, so it may not be wise to continue here now.

But no, I don’t analyze all mistakes and failures and I am certainly not trying to profit from them as I don’t admit making them…

Self analysis, question 32

Today feels like the right day to continue with the self analysis questions and today’s question is “Do you face squarely the circumstances which make you unhappy, or sidestep the responsibility?”. And I don’t like this question as I have the feeling that I am indeed sidestepping the responsibility for the circumstances that make me unhappy. As yes, I am mostly still very unhappy, even though tonight I felt okay, probably because I made some decision I did not like to make related to my DoctorsConnect project. And the strange thing is the decision makes me kind of feel relieved, even though I don’t really like all of the consequences that come with it, but at least I have the feeling now that I can move on where until today I felt stuck with one of the team members not performing.

So yes, it seems that facing the circumstances that make you unhappy (and dealing with them) helps make one feel better, as I am feeling a lot better. Still, there are quite some circumstances I don’t want to face, kind of avoid. And I am avoiding them because I don’t see any solution, at least not a solution that fits my goals and dreams. Still, the situation doesn’t get any better, so somehow I have the feeling I am doing something wrong.

And yes, again the word responsibility, a word that I don’t fully understand as often I keep hanging in blame, blaming the Universe or God for the bad circumstances I feel I am in.

So no, I don’t face the circumstances that make me unhappy squarely and yes, i guess I am sidestepping the responsibility (for the circumstances). And I always want solutions, but maybe I should just stick with the analysis for now, the admission that I don’t feel responsible for my circumstances or have all kinds of excuses to avoid responsibility for them.

Mistake? Accident?

Two things in my mind right now, and they may be related.

The first was the remark of Tony Fernandes about the accident with AirAsia flight QZ8501, the remark that the phone call he received about that was the worst thing in his life, no matter rehearsals or something. And at first that appeared weird to me, as, and don’t get me wrong, air crashes are part of life for any airline. I can’t imagine any airline not having dealt with or having to deal with a crashed plane in the past or the future, as accidents, including with planes, just happen. But then I realized that AirAsia is kind of the baby o fTony Fernandes, so I guess his feelings about an air crash would be different from the feelings of an ‘ordinary’ CEO of an airline. And I know he is kind of a people person, so of course his feelings would be with the crew, passengers and their family. But still, what he said and the way he said it surprised me. The worst moment of his life? And that he expected he would never forget it, that that phone call would stay with him for the rest of his life? That is quite something.

Then another accident happened. Or something like that. As it appeared that one of the domains of one of my customers has been expired. Which is kind of a deadly sin for a web development company, for someone delivering web services. And it started with an e-mail that looked like spam, an e-mail indicating that there was something wrong with the domain and that urgent action was required. And I get many e-mails like that, but as I remembered there was one domain about to expire I decided to check. And indeed it was the domain the e-mail was about. But the creation date was January 25, 2014, so still four days to go as normally domains are registered for one year. And the renewal date was January 30, 2015, so almost ten days to go.

So I decided to renew the domain, which is normally just a few clicks and also this time. But something appeared to have gone wrong as there was a message about the domain being in the redemption period. And I didn’t know exactly what redemption period means, so I just decided to contact the support through chat, only to find out that I was indeed too late with domain renewal and had to pay an additional  USD 200.00 to get the domain back. So of course I was very upset as this customer has financial problems and has kind of stopped all the work. And he has also indicated a while ago that he didn’t have money, but that he had paid a cash advance and that that should cover cost for a while. And as there were no real big expenses since that time I never bothered to make push my proposal and/or check whether the cash advance still covered my expenses. But it also means that I basically don’t earn anything from this customer, let alone USD 200.00 additional cost.

So I felt really bad as this month I basically don’t have any income and an additional USD 200.00 on top of normal living expenses is an awful lot of money. And as I am supposed to be the expert and also use that as a selling point I felt and feel obliged to pay for my mistake of not renewing the domain in time, even though it felt kind of unfair as I already advance a lot of expenses (like domains) for this customer and the USD 200.00 would mean I just lose money on this customer. So I am already hit very bad by hardly having any business for this customer, and now I even have to pay USD 200.00 for a mistake I made.

So I didn’t really know what to do, except explaining my situation to the customer support person and asking if they would be willing to help me, like waiving the additional USD 200.00 as I am dealing with domains for almost ten years now and this has never happened to me before. And how could I know there was a five day advance renewal required? Yes, being the expert I should investigate, but who would do that (and remember)?

And then I realized this was not just an ordinary mistake, but just like plane crashes, a lot of things had happened leading up to this event:

  • My business is not doing well, which means I don’t check my domain account as often as I used to.
  • Part of the reason my business is not doing so well is still the economy not doing so well.
  • And as I was not that busy I had time to move part of my domains to another registrar, also to save cost. If my business and/or economy had been better I would have probably not spent time on that.
  • Because my business is not doing so well I don’t have much cash, meaning I did not include this domain in my last domain renewal transaction earlier this month. Partly again because of my credit card cut off period that was after that transaction. Something I normally don’t mind so much about, but with slow economy and no cash…
  • I am used to getting quite some e-mails about domain renewal and normally domain registrars are very alert on this. Somehow I have the feeling I don’t get e-mails as often as before and not getting a serious warning before a domain gets in its redemption state is really weird.
  • However, again because business is down I don’t put so much attention to issues like having the feeling the e-mail warnings are not in time. Strange, but true.

So after realizing all this I also realized that all of this is more of an accident than a mistake. And what mistake did I actually make? The only mistake I made was not knowing that this type of domain needs to be renewed at least five days before it expired. But should I really blame myself for that? Yes, I consider myself an expert, but who would keep track of this type of thing without any warning? I couldn’t see that even anywhere in my screen and I didn’t get any warning, where normally the closer a renewal date is, the more e-mails I get, especially if you are about to lose a domain. And yes, I was late, later than I realized and then I wanted. But still, if you are used to warning e-mails?

And then I saw the site was even offline, which didn’t make any sense to me as the creation date was January 25, 2014, valid for one year, and the expiration date shown in the screen was January 30, 2015. So how can a site be cut off when the expiration date has not even been reached.

And then I realized there may be a real mistake, a mistake in the system of my domain registrar. As I understood from the support person that the domain needed to be renewed five days before the ‘real’ expiry date. And the expiry date in the screen showed January 30, 2015, so five days after January 25, 2015. So the real cause of the redemption of the domain may just be an error, a mistake, in the system of my registrar, which may also be the reason I didn’t get a warning message the domain was about to be lost.

Still, this post was and is not intended to discuss all kinds of technical issues. My main reason to write about this was that it felt very unfair that I was supposed to take a loss of USD 200.00 where I don’t even earn that much from my customer. And that somehow I took all the blame and responsibility and consequences for the solution of this issue. As I didn’t want to involve the customer in this. So one of my questions was and is if it is okay, in this type of case, to involve the customer in this and maybe even ask him to pay all or part of the cost.

And next to this, what are ‘mistakes’ and what are ‘accidents’ and who should take the consequence. And yes, I guess this all goes back that I am too soft to be a businessman. As I should have just pushed through with contract renewal and just let the customer pay what he has to pay, as I am quite sure he has an outstanding balance now.

So being too soft indeed can have far reaching consequences and is apparently not healthy for both parties.

And I am very tired now, so the end of this post is a bit chaotic and not to the point and well written. But the issue of ‘mistake’ and ‘accident’ is worthwhile to think about further.

Responsibility, guilt, forgiveness?

I am still searching for more clarity on responsibility, guilt and forgiveness. And maybe this mornings event where I found out one of our dogs had a bad cut in his mouth was intended to clarify this a bit more, but believe me, I didn’t like the event and I am still upset as I decided to postpone any action as it was just too much dealing with it. And there were many thoughts in my mind, including an “I can’t”, a phrase my mam often uses, a phrase I hate, as it is just not true, at least not literally.

But basically this morning I decided something like “I can’t” towards this issue with our dog, even though I forced it into an “I don’t want to”. And it was a hard decision as I felt responsible and my “I don’t want to” made me feel guilty (towards the dog?).

And a lot of things are going through my mind, as apparently I know the difference between responsibility and guilt. And it also comes to my mind that there is a difference between feeling responsible and being responsible. And right now the question “who decides” comes in my mind. And it seems there is a whole grey area around this, so apparently in the end it is just opinion if responsibility or guilt is applicable. And everything seems to point to me, as the dog is basically okay and the main issue is that I hate things like this for various reasons. And the main reason is that I don’t like injuries and handicaps. So in this case I can’t stand that the dog would have a distorted lip for the rest of his life. And the strange thing is the dog doesn’t seem to mind, so I am the only one who minds. And maybe my partner, but he isn’t here.

Ah, and there is the issue of insecurity, as I am not a vet or a doctor, so I wouldn’t know how bad the injury is and how and how much it would heal by itself.

So well, let’s make some statements:

  • The dog decided to fight, so he is responsible for having the injury in the first place (if he indeed got it through the fight I think he got it through).
  • I decide to have the dog, so if the dog is injured, I am kind of obliged to help him (as he can’t do it himself). This is a tricky one though, as in nature there wouldn’t be something like a human responsible for treatment.
  • My guilt is mainly related to the fact that I don’t earn enough. This means I don’t have a car, so today it was just too much hassle to get the dog to the vet.
  • My guilt is also related that I don’t have friends, so I have no one to ask to help me with this, like asking someone to bring me to the vet.
  • As I don’t earn enough, the dogs are basically too expensive for me (us?), so they would be better off with someone else (yes, there is also a whole world behind this statement).
  • The thing will probably not go away by itself as I don’t believe the injury will heal properly without being stitched by a vet.
  • I don’t think the whole thing is very urgent as the dog acts and looks okay, even though the would may not heal by itself.
  • Despite the last I still felt very guilty for not doing something straight away, but I think that has to do with the fact that I have to do something anyhow, so better do it now.

And right now it is very late and this whole thing is much more complicated (and interesting) than I thought, so I’ll stop now and pick it up later, either in this post or in another.

More on forgiveness

The word forgiveness keeps sticking in my mind. Together with the related word ‘wrong’ and also the words guilt and responsibility as to me the last two sound the same, have the same meaning.

So forgiveness implies something wrong has been done (intentionally?). And to undo(?) that wrong you need to forgive. Or at least that’s one of the things you can do according to what I found on Wikipedia. As Wikipedia mentions condoning, excusing, pardoning, forgetting and reconciliation as alternatives.

And while re-reading the article on Wikipedia I realize that I am pretty vengeful, as recently I often notice I want revenge for wrong that has been done to me.

And I realize I have to stop now, as it is very late, I had a pretty bad day, especially the start and I’m just sleepy.

Strange, as I was planning a really good post here now today and I think I started pretty well.

So more or better tomorrow.