Tag Archives: Meditation

Starting again

For quite a few days I wanted to write here again already. But I didn’t know what to write, so I kind of postponed. But today I thought, well, let’s just start, same like the sharing in my Twelve Steps group. At first I didn’t have so much to share and was often finished within the time allowed, but lately I just talk and mostly I just keep talking. And also there, I just start, not knowing what I want to share. I only know participating in my Twelve Steps groups and sharing helps me, makes me feel better, as I noticed if I don’t share, it makes a difference.

And looking back this whole Inspiration for Success thing was about sharing, was about wanting to be heard. And I still want to be heard, want to achieve something. But more and more it is about me, about sharing myself, sharing my thoughts, helping me, and hopefully also someone else, you.

So one of the thing I encountered today was this:

“Wikipedia describes guilt as “a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes — accurately or not — that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation.” The purpose of guilt is to enable us to make amends or right what we did wrong. When we wallow in guilt however, or think of ourselves as bad people, then we have moved on to toxic shame which is mostly unhealthy and unproductive.” – Anon

And the main reason is that I am feeling an enormous amount of guilt. And I asked something like what the purpose of guilt is. And this was the answer someone gave.

Another thing I encountered today was the daily, or regular e-mail of Leo Babauta. And I won’t copy it here, as I think it is too long, but you can just read it at Meditation according to Leo Babauta.

And I don’t know what to write further, so maybe I’ll write here later on, maybe not. But at least I started again, and that feels very good.

Self analysis, question 21

Question 21 of the self analysis questions is “Do you neglect internal bathing until auto-intoxication makes you ill-tempered and irritable?”. And while writing it down I realize that also this question is stated a little different than the question that is in my mind. As in my mind is something whether I do internal bathing, but not the idea of neglecting, the prevention.

So yes, I allow myself internal bathing, but normally only when it is too late, when I am already sick or down or ill-tempered or irritable. And this is a similar thing to that I realize that I don’t know how to meditate, or at least I didn’t find a way to meditate, where I realize that all successful people seem to spend quite some time meditating.

But again, planning is not my strength, but yes, this question really makes me think that I need to put more time and effort to internal bathing and meditation as otherwise I will probably not be successful.

So what are small steps? Maybe first somehow include it in my daily planning and maybe just research something about what meditation methods are available so I can find one that suits me. And maybe put a regular reminder about whether I took the time to do some internal bathing.

Outwitting the devil

It was very strange what just happened to me. Somehow I ended up on the site Outwitting the Devil. And what happened after was something like the thing described in the document with ‘the last chapter’, the thing that happened to Napoleon Hill as described in this text. As somehow I felt I was guided to this site, this page, this document. And somehow it feels that it was no accident that it mainly reminded me of the virtual cabinet Napoleon Hill also describes in Think and Grow Rich. And it reminded me of the sessions with my private virtual cabinet a while ago. And it somehow made me believe I should continue with that, restart it. And while writing this I realize that I have felt very lonely lately, especially the last few weeks, as somehow the people who I was talking to (with?) for my Connect Mindanao project have not done so much recently, have not really contributed, have not done their part. So this felt like another project, another business that failed, where I failed to create a team to make it happen, where I failed again to generate some income for myself, some pleasure for myself. So maybe that is also why I was lead to Outwitting the Devil, as it talks about what to do, how to become happy.

And no, I don’t like what I read there and heard everywhere. As somehow it never worked for me, or somehow I didn’t do it or didn’t do it the right way.

So time for meditation right now, even though I still want to finish some things tonight. But maybe first stop.