Tag Archives: The Other and I

Dreams of the poor

Today we were driving through a very poor neighborhood. You could call it slums. And while driving there I was wondering what people in those neighborhoods are dreaming of, what people in those neighborhoods want to achieve in life. And I have thought about that more often lately, as e.g. I have been trying to help a fourteen year old boy from a poor family dream bigger. And I am not sure if I arrived, as in the end he cheated on me, so I didn’t trust him anymore. And I told him that. And then he didn’t come back. So maybe I have given him something, something for a better life, maybe not. Time will tell.

And no, I’m not so much upset about those things anymore. As it is his life, it is life, and I just tried to do my best and it is up to him what to do with it. And yes, I know a person like me, a grown up, a foreigner, might make quite some impression. And as I know what other people can do to children, like the influence parents have over how a child developed, I have been very careful what I told him, what I tried to teach him. And yes, I was a bit disappointed he didn’t come back. But that is maybe partly because of the culture. As I didn’t have any clue how to deal with the trust issue. But somehow I was hoping we could repair it, continue with finding some more success for him than his family has, than I had until now.

But yes, today I was confronted with the fact again that I have no clue what people in those poor neighborhoods dream about, what they consider success, what would inspire them for, well, do better?

And I still don’t speak the language here, which is kind of a handicap in a situation like that, if you want to know more about the lives of those people and trying to help them find a better life. As Philippine people may be happier than average, still, living and/or being born in a neighborhood like that I guess is not really an advantage.

Robin Williams

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For a few days now I have been thinking about writing about Robin Williams. And I guess I am not the only one, which makes me kind of, well, don’t know how to say. As that is how ‘news’ seems to work. Something happens and everybody is starting to write about it and talk about it. So now I am writing about Robin Williams, as that is ‘news’. Meaning I don’t stand out, can’t stand out, as right now many people are writing about Robin Williams.

And again, the more I read about him I am more and more amazed how famous people, rich and famous people, often seem to have problems like drinking problems and/or drug problems. And that many also suffer from depression. And somehow it makes me still annoyed, as I still believe it is better to be sad or depressed in a Mercedes Benz than in a Volkswagen (or in a Jeepney for me right now as I don’t have a car).

So yes, I still want to be rich and famous, but it seems indeed that being rich and/or famous is certainly no guarantee for being happy, for feeling good, even though I believe that someone like Robin Williams must have been better off than the most of us, being rich and famous. But strange also to hear that he had financial problems, as in his case I guess he must have earned enough to live happily ever after if he would have invested it properly. And yes, I can imagine that being a star, being a super star, also makes that your expenses are high. And yes, the more I think about it, being a movie star certainly does not mean having a stable job, as movies are just relatively short projects.

And I am not sure where this post is going. Yes, I am certainly jealous, where the Law of Attraction says that that just brings me further from my goal of being rich and famous. And please keep in mind, I don’t need to be as rich as I think Robin Williams is or has been. I just want to live a decent life with a holiday here and there and the house renovated and especially a car. And yes, most of all paying back my debts, as my debts bother me a lot as somehow I still can’t imagine that I, Guus Ellenkamp, have debts. The Guus Ellenkamp who is very good in saving and accounting and dealing with money, creating safety blankets as my partner calls it.

And yes, I learned a lot from that, from being in debt. As before it was so easy to judge people when they are or were in a bad situation, like having debts. But now I know how it works, that somehow there can be situations in life where you do things you could never imagine doing. Like I also know I can kill someone, I can kill another human being. As that is what I learned when I was stabbed and robbed.

So well, let’s be careful with another. And help each other find a way out. As right now I see no way out of my debts and it makes me very unhappy, it rules my life. And that goes back to that everything I believed in, everything I was taught when I grew up, somehow doesn’t seem to work. So yes, maybe time to change my belief. But I still can’t get out of the guilt, still can’t forgive myself for what I have done. And even if I did, I would still have the debts. So well, what Robin Williams did, and many other people, taking his life, may have been logical. As he may also not have seen a way out.

So let’s help each other, let’s look at each other, let’s check if the other person might be in a situation where he has no way out. And let’s help each other find a way out. As life is supposed to be beautiful, is supposed to be fun. At least that is what I still believe, no matter what and no matter how unhappy I am.

Justice system and leadership

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I can’t get enough of the movie Law Abiding Citizen. The story is so strong depicting the weaknesses (and strengths) of the (Western) justice system. And it is about leadership, about the Principles of Success, where Clyde Shelton does everything to make his point, fulfill his definite purpose of showing Nick Rice that justice is not about how the justice system works.

And especially the end is very strong, as somehow Nick Rice still sticks with not really violating the law by killing Clyde Shelton directly. So in the end everybody wins.

And yes, these type of movies, or any famous or successful movie, makes me still kind of jealous. As I have the feeling I never really accomplished anything ‘great’. And even though I am now working on making internet better for Filipino’s, even though my mindset has changed by focusing more on service and less on wanting to get rich myself, I still don’t know if my project will push through. As the longer I am working on it, the more I realize what an enormous task I have given myself, putting up a third internet service provider in The Philippines.

But maybe the movie Law Abiding Citizen gives some inspiration here, as the whole thing that Clyde Shelton pulls off is also ‘impossible’. And also a creating a movie, any movie, seems to be a similar thing, as I guess in the end often probably only one person has an idea and has to ‘pitch’ it to other people, induce other people to make it, have it made.

And yes, the last days, few weeks, have been a bit lonely, as many times before. As yes, I had quite some talks and my project is slowly growing, but I still don’t feel any real commitment from or real work done by other people. So how do you do that, that is still my biggest question, ‘induce’ other people as Napoleon Hill states it.

Maybe just continue the way I am and yes, asking the Universe, Infinite Intelligence, to support it, to help. As yes, lately I also encounter that one human is so limited in what is going to happen, that one human is only a means to get something done in the greater thing. So maybe I am just playing a role in this project and maybe the project is going to come true anyhow, regardless of my effort. But yes, maybe also because of my effort.

No subject

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Today was a very exciting day for me, but right now I have no clue what to write here. And there were some subjects I wanted to write about, but my mind is just empty. And yes, I am starting to believe that Napoleon Hill really created something with his book Think and Grow Rich as I did not only started reading from that book about one and a half year ago, but I am also trying to apply many of the principles described in it. And yes, I am somehow mixing it with the teaching of Abraham Hicks, so it’s not only the ideas of Napoleon Hill I’m applying.

But related to Napoleon Hill recently I am starting to see that somehow I have been learning how to protect myself from negative influences. And about my fear about losing (my) love. As my partner is very down and angry (with me) for a few weeks now, but I am starting to see that it is not about me, but about him. And that indeed I can stay positive and do things and somehow be happy and enjoy life, even though of course it still affects me, a lot. And before, when he had one of those moods I was very much affected, couldn’t move very well myself. But right now I stay focused on my own goals and try to keep my vibrations positive. And no, believe me, it’s not easy, as love, my love, romantic love, my partner is the most important in my life. And for that reason it also hurts me, a lot. But going down with him only brings me down, brings us down together. So better stay focused on the positive, on the love, on the dreams. As that may be the only thing to pull him up, pull him out, pull us up, pull us out.

Today

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Today was just another day. But while writing this, I realize, that a while ago I wanted a more ‘normal’ life. So at least the working for the last days has been back to ‘normal’, as I have more work at the moment than I can finish in a few days. And of course that’s a good sign. But still, I miss the budget to just go out, meet friends, have some small holiday. And somehow I believe life is supposed to be different, with more ups than I feel I have had.

But yes, it seems I’m on the right way though, even though I’m a romantic and still longing for that love and affection that I guess everybody is longing for. That would make life so much easier, and yes, actually it did for me. And yes, that’s also what Napoleon Hill states, that every successful person has this love type thing that drives him or her.

So how come we often mess up this love type thing? I still presume most people are the same like me, just looking to hold, to be held and have erotic and sexual experiences with their partner. But somehow that appears not be as easy as it sounds. Somehow emotions are standing in the way. As I don’t see that many relationships that really thrive, that really make both partners happy. And no, I somehow don’t agree with the statement that you need to be happy first yourself and that love and sex add just additional happiness, are just bonuses. I believe that people just need love (and sex) and affection. And that if those basic needs are not met, one cannot be happy, or at least it is not very easy to be happy. Of course unless one is into high level meditation and such.

So no, I don’t have all the answers. But recently I started to look more and more at my partner and started to try to understand him, even though often I’m fully lost with how he behaves and especially how he treats me. And some friend of mine often points out that it’s all about perception. And I think I’m understand a little more of the perception of my partner. And from that point of view it’s pretty logical how he reacts, what he does. And no, I don’t fully understand how he deals with some basic human needs. But it must mean there are some things in between that are larger than that. So these things must be pretty big. And maybe hurting him more than me.